Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Creative Insults

I was trolling my favorite humor websites last evening and ran across this wonderful statement on Mad Magazine's blog ... one reason why Kanye West's "Air Yeezy 2" sneakers cost $245 a pair is that 

"They're an easy, convenient way to show the world that you're a superficial, low-functioning douchebag* with way too much money."

Perhaps it's a guilty pleasure, but somehow I don't think there are many things that give as much satisfaction as the delivery of a well-timed, devastating insult. William Shakespeare was a master of this, which explains the popularity on the web of Shakespearean Insult Generators (see some examples here, here, and here). And there are other web sites dedicated to generating random insults for those of us not quick enough of wit to generate them ourselves ... for instance, Insult-o-Matic (which allows you to customize for various types of insults depending on your mood and intended target), and Elizabethan Oaths, Curses, and Insults (similar to the Shakespearean insult generators, but more ornate and with a better interface). There is also this wonderful compilation from BuzzFeed of 21 Scathingly Witty Insults by Famous People, which includes some of my personal favorites:

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork" (Mae West);

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily" (Charles, Count Talleyrand);

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends" (Oscar Wilde); and,

"He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." (Winston Churchill)

Of course, one must be careful with insults, lest one be kinetically challenged by someone who does not appreciate your blinding wit. Since, thanks to the tireless efforts of the NRA, those someones are able to pack plenty of iron, this is not a trivial concern.

So ...

Do your worst, thou churlish sour-faced moldwarp!

Have a good day. More - possibly less-insulting - thoughts tomorrow.


* And how did "douchebag" come to be considered a derogatory term? You can read a few possible explanations here.


eViL pOp TaRt said...

Thanks for the amusing discourse on that guilty pleasure -- the insult, and for relating a reason why douchebag became an insult.

At least it cut down the number of popped collars and excessive tans!

allenwoodhaven said...

My favorite: "Put an apple in your mouth and we'll play William Tell!(source unknown to me)

Gilahi said...

"Once I put it down, I couldn't pick it up again." - Christopher Buckley, reviewing a Tom Clancy novel

"There are two ways of disliking poetry, one is to dislike it and the other is to read Pope." - Oscar Wilde

"-can be read without any trouble and was probably written without any trouble also!" - Oscar Wilde, in a review

"Whistler is indeed one of the very greatest masters of painting in my opinion. And may I add that in this opinion Mr. Whistler himself entirely concurs." - Oscar Wilde

"Ah, I can see it now. I come home and there's you bending over the stove. But I can't see the stove." - Groucho Marx

"The last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it." - Rodney Dangerfield

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

The old term "Sad Sack" was really short for a "sad sack of s---."

I'm collecting engineering insults.

Duckbutt said...

Winston Churchill was once told by a woman that, if she was married to him, she give him poison. Churchill replied, "If I were married to you, madam, I would drink it."

Big Sky Heidi said...

Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses
Elizabeth Taylor

Mike said...

I'd forgotten all about Mad Magazine. Thanks for the link.

Chrissy said...

I love that ecard. Think i'll send it to my best friends husband. haaa