Thursday, April 18, 2013

In Search of Culinary Excellence to Help Forget Everything Else

First of all, let's have a nice, disdainful round of applause for our spineless Senate, which has ignored the desires of more than 90% of the American people and voted down expanded requirements for background checks on gun purchases. You can read who was intimidated by the gun lobby here.

Then a twenty-one-gun salute* for the evil bastards that murdered three people in cold blood while injuring nearly 200 more at the Boston Marathon. I'm sure that when these cowardly insects are finally brought to justice (and they will be), they will have some pious, high-falutin' excuse for this monstrous act, probably wrapped in twisted political or religious justification**.

And speaking of annoying insects, how about a shout to Kim Jong-un, who would be like a toddler going through the terrible twos except that most toddlers don't have the ability to murder tens of thousands of people when they throw their tantrums.

But enough of the bad news. Let's talk about fine dining.

Back at the old homestead many years ago, my brother Mark used to enjoy sitting in front of the heating vent in the living room, wrapped in blankets and eating mustard, pickle and salt sandwiches***. I'm sure he would enjoy the latest culinary masterpiece that you, too, can serve to your family and honored guests: the French Toast Reuben Nutella Elvis Sandwich ...

Yes, Dear Readers, from John Farrier's "Don't Eat That, John!" blog at Neatorama comes this amazing variation on the classic Dagwood Sandwich. To make one, you will need:

3 eggs beaten with 1/4 cup of milk;
2 slices of French bread dipped in the egg-milk mix;
2 slices of rye bread dipped in the egg-milk mix;
2 strips of bacon;
1 ounce of sliced banana;
1/4 cup of Nutella;
1/4 cup of creamy peanut butter;
4 1/4-inch thick slices of corned beef;
1 tablespoon of Thousand Island salad dressing;
1/3 cup of sauerkraut; and,
2 slices of Swiss cheese

Mike, feel free to use more bacon ... I'm sure two slices won't be enough.

Complete preparation instructions, with step-by-step pictures, can be found at the link above. If you decide to try it, and survive the massive heart attack, let me know how it turns out.

And keep the victims of Aurora, Sandy Hook, Boston, and all the other vicious murders in your hearts. 

If writing about inedible sandwiches seems out of place at a time of such horror, remember that we laugh when we can't cry.

Have a good day, and come back for Cartoon Saturday.


* Preferably aimed at their heads.

** What we used to call "bullshit" in more rational times.

**Yes, really.


eViL pOp TaRt said...

Kicks in their collective butts for our Useless Senate. I suggest that 'Useless' be incorporated as its official title.

Nothing like an old-fashioned PB&J sandwich. Hamburger with a slice of pineapple is a new twist on things.

Amanda said...

That sandwich would take too long to make!

I've definitely got those victims in my heart and on my mind. Senseless and evil......

The Bastard King of England said...

The sandwich sounds excessive, to say the least. Better to have few culinary frills on sandwiches.

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

doesn't every sandwich need more than 2 slices of bacon?

Mike said...

See, Peggy knows. MORE BACON!

*** no way!

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Yes, everything is better with bacon