Monday, June 02, 2014

How to Irritate a Curmudgeon

I appear to be the victim of a behavioral paradox. On the one hand, as I get older, I'm getting a little more mellow about some things ... but on the other hand, as I get older there seem to be more things that piss me off more than they used to. Here are a few of the things that get under my skin more and more of late ...

Self-righteous ass clowns*.

People who absolutely believe that theirs is the One True Religion, insist on trying to convert me to it, and tell me that I'm damned for all eternity if I believe any other way.

People in checkout lines who wait until their entire two-cart order has been rung up before realizing that they have to pay for all that stuff ... and then hold up the line while they search for their checkbook, a credit card with a usable balance on it, or loose cash hidden in the bottom of their purses or the depths of their pockets. And who then sift through their purchases, removing things until they get the total bill down to the amount they can afford. And they're probably in the "Ten Items or Less" line, too.

People who take up more than one parking place, particularly when the lot is very crowded. Special recognition goes to people who park over the intersection of four spaces to prevent lesser beings from accidentally touching their prize vehicles.

People who leave one sixty-fourth of an inch of coffee in the bottom of the pot and slink away without making a fresh pot.

Two-faced narcissistic dirtbags who pretend to be everybody's best friend, but treat their families shabbily, see nothing wrong with it, and accuse you of having a problem by pointing it out. Some of you will know who I'm talking about.

People who second-guess me. It's really irritating to hear, "Why did you do that? Why didn't you do this?"

Members of Congress who sit in their lofty committee seats and loudly berate witnesses for their shortcomings (especially while the cameras are rolling), but can't be bothered to do their own jobs (unless kissing the backsides of major campaign contributors is considered part of the job).

Tim Wilson has the right idea (send the children out of the room before you play the video ... really):

Those are a few ways you can irritate this curmudgeon. There are a lot more, but you get the idea. Please don't feel obligated to try any of them out.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.


* Mainly hard-right conservatives who are dead certain that they are the only ones who know exactly what the Founders meant about everything.


eViL pOp TaRt said...

Second-guessers are SO irritating!

Straight Up No Chaser said... 'em all. Thank you for allowing me into the club.

Okay I don't have this 2 faced narcissistic dirtbag in my life but someone pretty close. :-)

Big Sky Heidi said...

Those who fail to make a new pot of coffee when they get the last cup are antisocial

Mike said...

I think you 3rd point probably should have been second. And then you should move your 5th point down one. I'll wait while you get those fixed.

Brandi said...

Don't tease the curmudgenon!

Grand Crapaud said...

The people who have a full basket full of groceries in the 'ten items or less' lane get my goat.