The First Ass Clown of the Month Award for August, 2014

Ah, yes, Dear Readers, we have reached the second Friday in August, and it's time to name our first Ass Clown of the Month.

With a roll of drums and a fanfare of farting trumpets, let's have a round of raspberries for

The Rope Nazi

I see by the blank looks on your faces that you are confused. Here's the full citation ...

Last week while we were at Disney World, we decided to stay late one night and catch the famous Main Street Electrical Parade that was scheduled to begin at 9:15. By late afternoon, workers were busy marking the path of the parade with tape and setting up stanchions to hold up the white ropes that marked the boundary beyond which - for obvious safety reasons - no one could sit or stand to watch the parade. We found a likely spot, parked the stroller and our bags, and sat down to wait for the parade.

Soon afterwards, my daughter spotted what looked like a better position across the street and a bit farther down. She went to check it out while I waited with Leya and Elise and our belongings. She beckoned us to come to the new location, and while the girls ran ahead, I followed with Yasmin's backpack, our stroller, and our other bags of accumulated goodies. The girls ducked under the rope to the new position, and I lifted up the rope to push the stroller underneath. Then, still carrying the backpack and bags, I hoisted a leg and stepped over the rope to get myself to the other side.

Suddenly there came a tremendous roar: SIR!! SIR!! DO ... NOT ... TOUCH ... THE ... ROPE!!

There I stood, one leg on either side and the rope quivering in my crotch, carrying the backpack and the other bags, while a very large and corpulent fellow in Official Regalia continued to bellow at me:

SIR!! I TOLD YOU ... DO NOT TOUCH THE ROPE ... YOU MUST GET AWAY FROM THE ROPE NOW!!

Naturally, when I tried to lift my other leg over the rope, my foot caught in it, and I began to do a single-foot happy dance to keep from losing my balance.

SIR!! YOU WILL GET AWAY FROM THE ROPE IMMEDIATELY!! YOU CANNOT TOUCH THE ROPE!!

I continued to hop on one foot while my daughter and several other people tried to help me extricate myself from the rope, which petulantly refused to let go of my foot.

SIR!! I WILL NOT TELL YOU AGAIN ... GET OFF THE ROPE - NOW!!

Finally, we managed to get me off the rope, and the Rope Nazi went on to bellow at other people committing other grievous sins such as sitting or standing on walls or trying to cross the street at the wrong place. He kept up this performance for the entire length of the parade, marching back and forth on his side of the rope and shouting at children and adults alike.

Now, it's clear that the rope is there to keep people from getting trampled by giant parade floats and reinforced battalions of brightly-lit marching cartoon characters. But it's also clear that The Rope Nazi was a fellow overwhelmed with his own importance and the awesome power of his lordship over 30 feet of white rope. It was pretty obvious that I was trying to get off his $%#! rope, but he continued to loudly bellow and threaten, causing everyone within about 150 feet to gape at him in utter disbelief. What a buffoon.

For his loud, abusive, and unprofessional behavior that was a poor reflection on a workforce that we had up to that time found to be uniformly pleasant, polite, and professional, The Rope Nazi is named as our first Ass Clown of the Month for August, 2014.

And if you visit Disney World and want to watch the Main Street Electrical Parade, for heaven's sake don't touch any ropes. The Rope Nazi might have a taser or a riot baton or something by that time.

Have a good day. See you tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday.

Bilbo