Monday, October 20, 2014

Rules to Live By, Part 2

The first half of my list of rules to live by, published last week, was a big hit with everyone - numerous comments indicated that you were waiting with bated breath for the second half of the list. Wait no more, Dear Readers ... here it is!

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. I guess that would be me, eh?

Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience. This is why I don't like to get into discussions with political and religious zealots.

I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia. Consider the omnipresent bumper sticker: "I'm the NRA, and I vote!" 'Nuff said

The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working. Yes! Yes, it is!

A closed mouth gathers no feet. Corollary: a closed mouth is extraordinarily rare among the nattering classes.

Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. It's the combination of malice and stupidity that you have to worry about.

Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about. Such as getting a job as a shouting head on Faux News.

It's easier to ask forgiveness than gain permission. It's how we get things done!

It's easier to fix the blame than to fix the problem. See: Congress

When all's said and done, a lot more is said than done. See: Congress. 

For any given large, complex, hard-to-understand, expensive problem, there exists at least one short, simple, easy, cheap answer. It is wrong. And someone on Faux News will be demanding that the president be impeached because he's not doing it.

Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done! Time for another election.

Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it himself. Oh, so true.

If everything is going exactly according to plan, something somewhere is going catastrophically wrong. Been there, experienced that.

Fast - cheap - good: you can have any two. This is the Prime Directive of major acquisition programs.

To estimate a plan, work out how long it would take one person to do it then multiply that by the number of people on the project. Corollary: it takes one woman nine months to have a baby, no matter how many men you put on the job.

Warning: dates in the calendar are closer than you think. And they move more quickly than you can imagine.

That's the end of the list for now. Add your contributions in the comments ... there's room for a lot more!

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.



allenwoodhaven said...

These are excellent. I especially like the sixth one, about malice and stupidity. Perhaps one to add: Nothing is idiot proof because they keep making better idiots.

Linda Kay said...

Really liked these, Bilbo....especially the one about the estimate.

Mike said...

I was on the receiving end of the "Nothing is impossible..." many times.