Friday, June 05, 2015

The Right Cheek Ass Clown of the Month for June, 2015

Yes, Dear Readers, it's a new month and a new opportunity to recognize world-class ass clownery ... it is time to name our

Right Cheek Ass Clown of the Month
June, 2015

The field of notable ass clowns is large, and each month I try to make a careful selection of a single top candidate, as difficult as that choice might be. For this month's Right Cheek award, though, a group award seemed more appropriate; therefore, it is with an exasperated sigh and a funereal drum roll that I present the award to

The GOP Presidential Candidates
(who have announced as of June 4th)

One of my friends noted the other day that - when compared to the Democrats - at least the Republicans have options* ... but considering that the options represent a selection of individuals who are almost uniformly homophobic, religiously bigoted, ignorant of basic science and history, blindly gun-worshipping, belligerent, and limited in their understanding of the Constitution, I'm not so sure the options are especially good. Mind you, the Democratic bench is not loaded with towering statesmen, either ... but at the moment they're a lot less embarrassing than their GOP opponents.

Here are the ten sorry specimens of political dross who share the Right Cheek Ass Clown Award for June, 2015:

Ted Cruz
Rand Paul
Marco Rubio
Ben Carson
Carly Fiorina
Mike Huckabee
Rick Santorum
George Pataki
Lindsey Graham
Rick Perry

With honorable mention to those who will probably join them soon on the specially-designed, multi-tiered GOP debate stage:

Jeb Bush
Scott Walker
Chris Christie
Bobby Jindal
John Kasich

For their stalwart determination to lead America back to her imagined glory days - when men were men, women were quiet, everyone was a Christian, minorities stayed away and didn't try to do nasty things like voting, nobody paid any taxes, everyone owned a home arsenal, and nobody bothered businesses about silly things like environmental pollution, safety standards, child labor, and paying employees a living wage - the GOP Presidential Candidates as a group are presented the Right Cheek Ass Clown Award for June, 2015.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Have a good day. See you tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday.


* As it happens, as of today there are five declared Democratic candidates, of whom only two - Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders - appear to be reasonable contenders, and none of whom appears to be (to me, at least) an attractive candidate. That said, the least of them (your choice) looks better than any of the declared Republicans. You'd think that out of a population of nearly 300 million, we could field better candidates than these. You can get a comprehensive look at the entire list of those currently in the game here.


eViL pOp TaRt said...

As it stands right now, I would not figure it's worth the effort.

Chuck Bear said...

I'd throw the Democrats in too. And give each roughly 1/20 of the right cheek.

Gonzo Dave said...

Dunno whether it was deliberate or not (knowing you, it was), but giving the *Right Cheek* award to all the RWNJ candidates is very poetically just. Maybe the Democratic candidates deserve the *Left Cheek* award?

The Mistress of the Dark said...

I'm pretty sure both sides deserve a cheek this time. The playing field for the next pres is very bleak indeed.

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

Not looking good does it? I can't wait until all the ugly commercials start. Thankfully I'm losing my hearing. That is the only bright spot.

Mike said...

At least the commercials haven't started yet.... wait ..... What did I just hear?!

allenwoodhaven said...

Well said! A very worthy batch of inductees.