Friday, March 25, 2016

The Left Cheek Ass Clown for March, 2016

Ah, good morning, Dear Readers, and welcome to the announcement of the

Left-Cheek Ass Clown for March, 2016!

As you know, the choice is not easy to make, as there are always great hordes of ass clowns clamoring for recognition. But in this trying period of our history, the number is unusually large and the decision correspondingly more difficult. The presidential primary season has revealed swarms of ass clowns in much the same fashion that a kitchen light at 2AM exposes swarms of cockroaches … the difference being that cockroaches probably serve some useful purpose.

With this in mind, I have decided this time to declare a tie in the competition for the award, it being just too difficult to decide which recipient is the larger of the two ass clowns. Ladies and gentlemen, Dear Readers, I give you

The Left-Cheek Ass Clowns of the Month
March, 2016

Ted Cruz


Donald Trump

Mr Trump, already a three-time winner of this award, proclaims his worthiness every day. He is utterly unqualified by any measure for the office of President, and even conservative stalwart George Will described him as “a stupendously uninformed dilettante” who brings to all matters “arrogance leavened by frivolousness.” He does not understand domestic affairs, foreign affairs, the rule of law, or the Constitution. He advocates the torture of terrorism suspects. He deliberately and gleefully insults individuals, ethnic, and religious groups, and even happily spread an Internet meme featuring an unflattering comparison of his wife Melania and Heidi Cruz. He has encouraged violence at his rallies, both directly and indirectly, against those who oppose him. Anyone who thinks Donald Trump is presidential material – particularly at this juncture in our history – is in need of serious psychiatric counseling.

Senator Ted Cruz, a two-time previous winner of this award, is a man intensely disliked even by members of his own party. He was perfectly willing to shut down the entire federal government in an attempt to derail the Affordable Care Act (aka “Obamacare”). He denies the existence of man-made climate change, opposes immigration reform, rejects marriage equality, and continues to demand the complete and total repeal of Obamacare (although he does not have ideas of his own on how to make health care affordable). He rejects all compromise with his opponents on any subject, and takes a strictly literal view of the meaning of the Constitution*.

I will be roundly criticized by my conservative friends for picking on Republicans yet again**. They will ask why I have not chosen to bestow this award on, for example, Hillary Clinton. The reason, as I have explained over and over again, is that I am a fundamentally conservative person who believes that he should be able to expect better than screaming, shouting, and obstructionism from the party to which he once belonged. The GOP has learned nothing in the last eight years, despite having recognized its problems, published a plan to fix them, and then ignored it. Conservative Republicans have become a joke, draping themselves in the Constitution, and yet advocating policies and positions totally opposed to it.

I do not particularly like Hillary Clinton. Although I don't think she's the Evil She-Devil from Hell painted by her opponents, I also don't think she is a good choice for President. And in competition with people like Donald Trump and Ted Cruz, she is also not the best choice for Ass Clown of the Month ... either cheek. When the GOP grows up and starts acting like a group of responsible adults with well-defined and well-presented plans for fixing the nation's problems, rather than simply opposing whatever the Democrats try to do, I'll start looking elsewhere for awardees. Until then, feel free to establish your own award and present it to whomever you like.

Our Left-Cheek Ass Clown of the Month award for 2016 is presented to Donald Trump and Senator Ted Cruz - two people who, in a less crazy world, would be voting for ... not running for ... president.

Have a good day. See you back here tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.


* He obviously believes that the Founders, in 1789, had the wisdom and foresight to predict conditions that would exist more than 200 years later, and to write a Constitution that requires no amendment, interpretation, or questioning. Well, there was that little bit about slavery, but that’s not important now.

** I have, actually, presented it to Senator Harry Reid.


eViL pOp TaRt said...

This week's episodes with the wives' photos has plumbed a new depth is ass clownery. That stunt is like something two frat boys would. I would be very afraid of either. I'm not fond of Hillary too. Good choice. Mitch McConnell needs at least a Dishonorable Mention.

Duckbutt said...

Good Ass Clowns. Or at least Left Cheek ones. Does that make them half-assed?

Linda Kay said...

I'm still waiting for Hillary!

John Hill said...

Our presidential candidates are a dismal lot.
It's not too late, Bilbo.

Bilbo for President!

KathyA said...


Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer said...

Evidence that the Apocalypse is coming/

allenwoodhaven said...

They are two peas in a rotten pod. Excellent choices.

They aren't totally worthless though, they are worth much as bad examples!

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

Nothing those two will surprise me any more.