Code Names the Secret Service Should Use

Before we get to the subject of today's post, a quick update on my jury duty adventure from yesterday: I took that shower for nothing ... once again, I was not selected for a jury, and didn't even make it out of the assembly room for an interview. Sigh. Ah, well ... at least they treat prospective jurors well here in Fairfax County: you're allowed to bring in your laptop or tablet, the assembly room has free Wi-Fi, the restrooms are clean, there are lots of vending machines, and all the court officials are pleasant and helpful. If history is a guide, three years from now I'm sure they'll call me up to go through the whole kabuki dance again.

Okay, on to today's post ...

As you probably know, the United States Secret Service uses code names for U.S. presidents, first ladies, and other prominent persons and locations. These originally provided a measure of security before the availability of encrypted communications; today, they are used mostly for brevity, clarity, and tradition.

This Washington Post article from just over a year ago provides the code names assigned to the candidates and their family members, going back to the election of 1976; if you want to go back all the way to the code name of Woodrow Wilson's wife (GRANDMA), as well as those assigned to fictional characters, you can check out this article on Wikipedia. By the way, the Post article also includes a tool that allows you to generate your own code name ... mine turned out to be "BUBBLE GAME."

In the current administration, the nicknames are MOGUL and MUSE for Donald and Melania Trump, and HOOSIER and HUMMINGBIRD for Mike and Karen Pence; Hillary and Bill Clinton were EVERGREEN and EAGLE, respectively.

Now, those are fine code names, all duly and properly selected by the White House Communications Agency, but I'm sure we can do better with a little more thought. Here are my suggestions for more appropriate code names:

Donald and Melania Trump: TWEETSTORM and TROPHY; or BACKSTAB and BEAUTY.

Mike and Karen Pence: HOLYROLLER and HEALER.

Hillary Clinton: EMAIL.

Anthony Scaramucci: %#$@۠!

Sarah Huckabee Sanders: FAKENEWS.

Sean Spicer: OLDNEWS.

Mitch McConnell: BLAMESHIFT.

Bernie Sanders: CURMUDGEON*.

Jeff Sessions: GETLOST.

Rex Tillerson: BACKBENCH.

James Mattis: BIGBOOM**.

Reince Priebus: FALLGUY.

Those are some of my thoughts ... if you have any suggestions, leave a comment. In any case, leave a comment if you use the code name generator in the Post article to let us know what we should call you.

Have a good day, whatever your code name is.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* If I ever ran for president, that's the code name I'd want!

** I know his more-or-less official nickname is "Mad Dog," but I think mine is more appropriate for a Secretary of Defense.