The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for March, 2026

It grieves me to say, friends, that I am near to giving up on the Augean stable-level task of separating the chaff from the chaff to select these Ass Clown Awards. The sheer number of eligible recipients, coupled with the staggering level of ass clownery they represent and the damage they do every day, makes both my brain and my heart hurt.

At the moment, it strikes me that many of the most eligible ass clowns in the upper levels of our government combine the worst features of two classic measures of misanthropy and ill will: the Seven Deadly Sins and The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and so I have decided to combine the two for purposes of this award.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, I have decided to designate as 

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for March, 2026

The Seven Deadly Horse's Asses*

of the Political Apocalypse

I have written several times on the topic of the Seven Deadly Sins (one example here) and how they manifest themselves in today's political class, and I've also riffed on the fascinating topic of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (here). But I thought it would be interesting to combine them as a larger posse that encompasses more of the ugliness that has come to characterize our sad excuse for a government ...

Der Furor, the most proudly and ostentatiously corrupt president in my lifetime (if not our entire history), clearly is The Horse's Ass of Greed.

Hysterically bellicose, angrily chest-thumping Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth is clearly The Horse's Ass of War.

Former Secretary of Homeland Security and new "Special Envoy for the Shield of the Americas" (I am not making that up) Kristi Noem, famous for shooting her dog and for the brutal and unconstitutional treatment of illegal aliens (and anyone else who got in the way), is a shoo-in for The Horse's Ass of Cruelty.

Attorney General Pam Bondi's embarrassingly disrespectful and vituperative treatment of Members of Congress** at her most recent hearing puts her clearly in the saddle as The Horse's Ass of Wrath.

Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy, Jr, who has done more to undermine public health than anyone since Typhoid Mary, gallops in as The Horse's Ass of Pestilence.

Although a strong case could be made for his boss, the Attorney General, to fill this slot, I believe that morally and ethically pliable FBI Director Kash Patel has earned the title of The Horse's Ass of Injustice.

And finally, rounding out our expanded Deadly Posse,

Proudly racist White House Deputy Chief of Staff Stephen Miller, relentless implementer of Project 2025's assault on immigration, both legal and illegal, is the runaway choice for The Horse's Ass of Intolerance.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, we have finally done it to ourselves by electing and enabling an administration of Biblical-level incompetence and casual evil, embodied by today's award-winning Seven Deadly Horse's Asses of the Political Apocalypse.

It's time to divert the electoral rivers to clean out a stable that would embarrass even Augeas.

Have a good day and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday, when we'll look at the trials and tribulations of bisected magicians' assistants. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines a "horse's ass" as "a stupid or incompetent person." If the shoe fits ...

** Who, granted, have worked hard to earn a great deal of contempt on their own.