Spring Has Sprung, etc

Yesterday turned out to be a completely marvelous spring ... hell, summer day here in Disneyland-on-the-Potomac. The sun smiled down from a nearly cloudless sky, the birds sang in the trees, and Bilbo spent most of the day working on repairing winter's damage to the yard. Or at least, to that part of the yard seen from the street (you have to prioritize, ya' know what I'm sayin'?). We also visited the local grandchildren and learned how to play "What Time Is It, Mr Wolf?", which is much fun when played with a two year-old who has just a happily vague sense of what it's all about.

So, yesterday was a great day. Today should be similar, weather-wise, and my goal is to get my garden plots cleaned out and re-composted in readiness for the spring planting. And after that, it should be just about time for a well-deserved gin and tonic on the deck to help get ready for the work week ahead.

Ah, spring!

Turning to other things ...

The Style Invitational Contest is a weekly feature of The Washington Post, in which readers are invited to submit their humorous answers to all sorts of crazy questions and set-ups. This morning, Miss Cellania reprinted some of the better responses to one of my favorite Style Invitational contests: take a well-known foreign word or phrase, change it by a letter or two, and redefine it. Here, for your Sunday laugh quotient, is a sampling ...

Harlez-vous Francais? - Can you drive a French motorcycle?

Ex post fucto - Lost in the mail.

Idios amigos - We're wild and crazy guys!

Cogito, eggo sum - I think; therefore, I am a waffle.

Rigor Morris - The cat is dead.

Responde s'il vous plaid - Honk if you're Scots (that one's for you, Fiona!)

Que sera serf - Life is feudal.

Le roi c'est mort. Jive le roi - The King is dead. No kidding.

Posh mortem - Death styles of the rich and famous. Or, a really classy funeral.

Pro bozo publico - Support your local clown.

Monage a trois - I am three years old.

Felix Navidad - Our cat has a boat.

Haste cuisine - Fast French food.

Veni, Vidi, Vice - I came, I saw, I partied.

Quip pro quo - A fast retort.

Porte-kochere - Sacramental wine.

Ich liebe rich - I'm really crazy about fat food. Or, I'm a gold-digger.

Fui generis - What's mine is mine.

Visa la France - Don't leave chateau without it.

Veni, vidi, visa - I came, I saw, I bought.

Ca va sans dirt - And that's not gossip.

Merci rien - Thanks for nothin'.

Amicus puriae - Platonic friend.

Any others? Leave a comment ... and enjoy the good weather.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Literary Light Bulb Jokes

One of the classic types of joke is the one that asks: "How many (insert profession here) does it take to change a light bulb?"

Some of the answers can be trememdously funny, or can be groaners, or - sometimes - both ... like most of these, which deal with literary and research aspects of light bulb change ...

Q: How many academic librarians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One changes the light bulb while the other four form a committee and write a letter of protest to the Dean, because changing light bulbs is not professional work.

Q: How many reference librarians does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: (delivered with a perky smile) "Well, I don't know right off-hand, but I know where we can look it up!"

Q: How many book publishers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change it and two to hold down the author.

Q: How many editors does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: Two. One to ask, "Do we have to get author's approval for this?" and one to actually change the bulb.
A2: Two, one to change the bulb and one to write a rejection slip to the old bulb.

Q: How many proofreaders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Proofreaders don't change light bulbs ... they just note that the bulbs need changing.

Q: How many writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the bulb and one to tell a long story about it.

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: Two. One to screw it in almost all the way in and the other to give it a suprising twist at the end.

A2: Three. One to screw in the light bulb and two to figure out a clever plot that explains how the lightbulb died in the first place.

Q: How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Six. One to change the bulb and five to make sure the instructions on how to change the bulb are completely incomprehensible.

Q: How many literary critics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Literary critics don't know how to change light bulbs, but will find something wrong with the way you do it.

Any others? Leave me a comment.

On a new topic, time is running out for you to cast your vote(s) for your favorite candidate(s) for Ass Clown of the Year. Balloting closes tomorrow night, December 30th, at 11:59 PM, and the result will be announced on Saturday, December 31st. Vote early, vote often, but vote. It'll be more satisfying than the vote you cast next November ... and will probably have just as much impact on government.

Have a good day. Change a light bulb, so you'll have more light to vote by. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo