Flying the Grumpy Skies

I think I have recovered from the flight back from Los Angeles on Friday. My neck is back to "normal" (that being a relative term, since it's stiff and painful all the time, anyhow), my suitcase arrived on time (without the lock being twisted off, as it had been when I arrived in LA...nothing stolen, amazingly enough), and I'm looking forward to not having to fly anywhere else until we go to Ohio for Thanksgiving.

Life is good.

Of course, being who I am, I have several observations about the joys of travel ...

1. When you board at the gate, most airlines have two lines for boarding: one for First Class and other "premium" passengers, and one for Real People. The line for First Class usually has a strip of red carpet about 4 feet long; the other line usually has a blue carpet. Other than that, there's absolutely no difference - the two lines are located side-by-side and lead directly to the same door. Where I come from, this is called stupid.

2. I've always been amazed at the very flexible interpretation many people have about what constitutes a "carry on" and a "personal item," especially now that most airlines charge a hefty fee for each checked bag. The fight for overhead storage space has grown vicious, and the size of bags people try to stuff into that space continues to grow. Boarding and deplaning now take much longer as people try to carry their upright pianos and steamer trunks on board, steadfastly refuse to put "smaller" bags underneath the seats, and raise cain with the flight attendants when they are asked to check bags that are clearly too big to bring on board.

2a. Corollary to #2: when your aircraft boards by "zones" rather than by row number, and your "zone" has a number larger than 2, good luck getting an overhead space for your bag. When the aircraft boards by rows, many people sitting at the rear of the aircraft put their bags in the overhead bins at the front, meaning that the people in the forward seats may end up having to stow their bags in the back...you can imagine the result when time comes to deplane, and the folks in Row 10 have to fight their way back to row 29 to get their bags.

3. The airlines are always looking for new ways to save time and money, and I can understand that. The latest interesting twist on this came on my last flight, when the flight attendants asked everyone to carefully clean their seat areas so that the cleaning crews could turn the aircraft around faster for the next flight. Now, I always police up my trash anyhow (I don't like to leave my seat looking like my desk at home, dontcha know), and it's just good manners and courtesy to do it ... but I resented - already having been asked to pay extra to check my bag and been asked (unsuccessfully) for $3.00 for a "gourmet chocolate chip cookie," - also being asked to clean the aircraft.

4. The Hertz rental car return location at Los Angeles International Airport is not located at the address given on the Internet. It took me an extra 15 minutes of aimless driving to find it after my GPS took me to the designated address, only to find a vacant lot.

For the next couple of weeks, I'm not traveling any farther than the local shopping centers. And after that, I'm flying the grumpy skies.

Good thing I'm already an old grouch.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Sunday Morning Coming Down. Or Going Up. Or Whatever.

Happy November 1st!

Another Halloween has come and gone, with the smallest number of trick or treaters in memory. It was a warm night, but raining and miserable, which may have helped keep the traffic down. Once again Agnes and I will be eating a lot of leftover candy, unless I can get it to the office before everyone else with leftover candy brings theirs in, hoping that someone else will eat it.

I appear to have, with the help of a nice lady at the Apple Store Genius Bar, successfully gotten my iMac up and running (albeit from a newly-formatted external drive), and restored my files from the running backup disk. Now I'm backing up the backups. Sometimes I hate computers...unfortunately, we're sort of like victims of the Borg from the Star Trek adventures - we've been assimilated, and resistance is futile.

One of the "advantages" of business travel is that I usually have a lot of free time in the evenings and while stuck in airports and on planes, and I can think of interesting things to blog about. Well, interesting to me, anyhow. This past week's trip was no exception, even though my evenings were largely spent with my son Matt. Here is the first of the interesting things I came up with while on the trip...

I'm now reading A Quiet Flame, the latest Bernie Gunther mystery novel by Philip Kerr. Bernie Gunther is a detective on the Berlin police force in the years leading up to World War II, and the novels paint a fascinating and detailed picture of life in the German capital during that interesting and frightening time. This particular story takes place in 1950, with the settings switching back and forth between postwar Argentina (home of thousands of unrepentant Nazis) and pre-war Berlin as Gunther is enlisted to solve the disappearance of a young German woman whose case seems to relate to a gruesome murder he had been unable to solve back in Germany.

The story itself is atmospheric, exciting, and strongly recommended if you enjoy mysteries rooted in actual historical events. But that's not what I wanted to write about...

It's said that history repeats itself. I don't think there's anyone on earth who isn't familiar with Santayana's maxim that those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it. There's an interesting passage in A Quiet Flame in which Bernie Gunther is reflecting on why the German people followed Adolf Hitler into the horrifying disaster of the Third Reich and the Second World War, and it struck me that the same thing could apply today. Here's the passage:

"I didn't blame those who believed him (Hitler). Not really. Most Germans just wanted to have something to hope for in the future. A job. A bank that stayed solvent. A government that could govern. Good schools. Streets that were safe to walk on. A few honest cops."

I suppose that if you think about it, that's what we all still want in the America of 2009. Banks that stay solvent, jobs, schools in which children can learn without fear of violence and intimidation, and safe streets. We're certainly not as bad off as the Germans of the Weimar era were, but - on a lesser level - we're motivated by the same things.

It would just be nice if the government would govern.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday - Halloween Edition

A sailor cleaning a deck gun who accidentally fired on the port of Gdynia in Poland, has been offered a commission as an admiral in the German navy; workers are still trying to repair the San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge, from which two steel rods and a steel crossbeam unexpectedly fell earlier this week; challenger Abdullah Abdullah has threatened to boycott the upcoming Afghan runoff election...former UN Secretary General Boutros Boutros-Ghali may be recalled from retirement in Baden-Baden to negotiate; according to my fancy Garmin GPS mapping device, my son's address in Los Angeles doesn't exist; and pirates are demanding $7 million ransom for a British couple whose yacht they seized in the Indian Ocean (editorial opinion: if they were stupid enough to sail a yacht in pirate-infested waters, they should just be left there).

BWA-HA-HAAAAAAAAA!!!! As if the news wasn't scary enough, Cartoon Saturday is here to scare you into realizing there are some things worse than the thought of what Amy Winehouse could possibly wear to go trick or treating...

So, tell me ... what is it with the current fascination with zombies? Why are there books and movies about them, why do we elect them to Congress, and why on earth do we pay attention to them when they organize tea parties? At least we can use the cartoons about them...

Zombies can even provide a cautionary tale about computer security ...

Of course, even zombies like to look good sometimes...

The classic Halloween costume for the stereotyped ghost has always been the sheet-over-the-head-with-eyeholes-cut-out, but that's not good enough for most young children today. It's good for a few cartoons, though ... first, one that combines two of the most terrifying issues of the day: ghosts and health care ...

And it really is true that size matters, I guess ...

What would Halloween be without witches? ... this cartoon is a little funnier if you're familiar with the TV game show "Family Feud" ...

I've eaten here before ...

There are self-help groups for everyone else, why not for witches?

And what witch doesn't want to take advantage of the latest technology? ...

A few takes on the classic Halloween story about the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow ...

and ...

We just can't have Halloween without fearsome bloodsuckers. No, not the Internal Revenue Service, I'm talking about real vampires...

Few of us do mornings well ...

Most of us can relate to this frustration, even if we're not really vampires ...

And, finally, what would Halloween be without a visit from that dreaded Hollywood monster Roman Polanski ... uh ... I mean, Frankenstein ...

Well, that's it for our special Halloween edition of Cartoon Saturday. If you are taking your little ghosts and goblins trick-or-treating tonight, keep them safe and always remember: even after the Halloween candy is gone, there's one more demon lurking out there waiting ... the dentist.

Have a good day and a Happy Halloween. More thoughts tomorrow.

BWA, HA, HAAAAAAAAA.....!!

Bilbo

Leaving LA

I'll be heading to the airport in just a few minutes...just time enough to comment on how nice it is to leave Los Angeles. Well, not really. LA isn't such a bad place if you're used to hosed-up traffic and goofy people...and if you live in Washington, well ...

The best part of this trip was getting to see my son Matt again. This doesn't happen very often since we live on opposite coasts, so we tried to make the most of it. Last night we had a nice dinner with his friends Thomas and Shoshonna, and split four games of Scrabble. Here's a picture of us with Bodie, their canine houseguest, taken by Matt's roommate Randy ...

So, I'm off to the airport. Tonight is the Halloween party at the dance studio (still not sure what sort of costume I can wear), and tomorrow will be the special Halloween edition of Cartoon Saturday. Be here.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

This Isn't Quite What I Was Expecting...

I thought California was supposed to be warm and sunny and full of beautiful blondes gliding around on in-line skates, chased by blonde beefcakes. There was a freeze warning last night, for pete's sake ... the beautiful blondes are all wearing sweatshirts and jackets instead of tank tops! And the wind ... I haven't seen this much wind since Rush Limbaugh's last news conference. And I thought Los Angeles was the place where the beautiful people cruise around, ignoring traffic laws intended for lesser beings while trying to be seen so they can complain about the burden of fame. I haven't seen a single celebrity yet. This is an outrage!

Okay, I've got it out of my system, now.

Today is the last day of my conference here in Los Angeles. I'll be flying home tomorrow, hopefully in an aircraft with two functioning, non-distracted pilots. I may not have a chance to post the blog before I get home, so don't panic.

This isn't much of a post, but I need to get going before everyone else eats all the food at the conference continental breakfast.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow (or when I get home).

Bilbo

Ten Observations on Visiting Los Angeles

I'm in Los Angeles this week, attending a conference during the day and visiting my son in the evenings. As you might expect, I have a few observations on visiting this amazing city, based on the accumulated experiences of a day and a half...

1. When big windstorms come up, huge chunks of palm trees come down onto sidewalks and streets. If you get a chunk of palm frond stuck in the undercarriage of your car, it makes a really awful noise as you drive down the street.

2. I've never seen so many blondes in one place. No guesses as to how many of them are genetically, rather than artificially, blonde.

3. Driving in Los Angeles is a lot like driving in Washington, except that the traffic actually moves. It may be bumper-to-bumper, but it's moving at about 75mph. Cars have two horns, and most drivers can maneuver at high speed while blowing their horns and giving you the finger with both hands. Reminded me of New York.

4. I heard more English spoken in Mexico than in most of LA.

5. I've visited cities smaller than LA International Airport. Most of them have better traffic.

6. My hotel gave me a warm chocolate chip cookie as a welcoming gift when I checked in. I guess they were out of the surf and turf.

7. It's illegal in California to use a cell phone while driving. Apparently, the law has not been widely publicized. 'Nuff said.

8. No matter where you want to go, the route you need to take is under construction. So are the detours. I've never seen a GPS unit shrug before.

9. Zoning requirements apparently require every block of West Hollywood to have at least four stores selling new guitars, used guitars, guitar lessons, guitar repairs, or something else dealing with guitars. Judging from the quality of the street musicians, the stores selling guitar lessons are not doing well.

10. My son crushed me in a Scrabble game last night. I thought I'd raised him to treat his elders better.

I'll be here another two days, so there may be other observations coming...

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Laptops, Cell Phones, and Dumbasses

According to this morning's news, the official explanation of why a Northwest Airlines airliner overflew its intended destination by 150 miles is that the two pilots were both using personal laptop computers to try out new crew scheduling software.

Consider that it is illegal in many - if not most - states to use a cell phone or send/receive text messages while driving, because the danger of accidents goes up tremendously when the driver is distracted.

Is "distracted flying" a crime? Perhaps not, but it is breathtakingly stupid. Defenders of the pilots say that the passengers were in no danger because the autopilot was on and all the navigational instruments were working, but that's baloney. These two men had the lives of scores of passengers in the aircraft in their hands...and thought it was more important to play with their laptops than to do their jobs.

There are enough distractions that affect us when we drive, walk, or fly. Common sense demands that we minimize those distractions to ensure everyone's safety. Delta Airlines (the parent company of Northwest) has given each passenger a $500 travel voucher as compensation for the "inconvenience." I suppose inconvenience is better than death. But the airline needs to fire both pilots and enforce safety standards.

I fly a lot. I expect that in exchange for the fare I pay, not to mention the extra amounts I pay for luggage, a decent seat, and "gourmet chocolate chip cookies," I will be safely transported from A to B. But I'm not sure any more.

John, what's your opinion as a professional air traffic controller?

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Everything's Okay, Folks, Move Along, Nothing to See Here...

For those of you who were concerned that I didn't post yesterday, stand down the missiles and relax - all is well. Well, it's not well, but it may as well be. Well?

The last few days have been very hectic, and yesterday was no exception. I normally write my blog very early in the morning when I get up...yesterday, uncharacteristically, I slept very late and ended up well behind in the chores I was expected to complete before being allowed to do anything else.

So...

The leaves are raked, the trash is out, and Agnes's new embroidery software has been successfully loaded (only took about six hours over two days, plus the three square inches of hair I tore out trying to get it to work). My Mac is still dead, with the system repair and data recovery disk the Genius Bar consultant advised I buy and use still stuck inside, where it petulantly refuses to either repair or recover anything...and this after both of my external backup hard drives failed in the last week.

So, if I'm a little grouchy and off-schedule with posting, it's not you. It's life's occasional habit of kicking me in the slats when I'm not looking.

Well, all that being said, what should we talk about today?

Soupy Sales has died. For people much younger than I am, that may not be a very interesting news point, but I'm one of the lucky folks who enjoyed the slapstick, pie-in-the-face humor of a comic who didn't need to go for the dirty joke to get laughs. We don't have comedians of the caliber of Soupy Sales, Red Skelton, and Ernie Kovacs any more, and it's sad. Steven Wright can't do it all.

Former Bosnian Serb leader Radovan Karadzic has refused to appear at the opening day of his trial for war crimes, crimes against humanity and genocide, claiming that he didn't have time to prepare. That's fair. It's only been 14 years since he masterminded the massacre of Bosnian Muslims, Croats, and other non-Serbs at Srebrenica, and he's been on the run for most of those, and he's been busy filing all sorts of other papers and motions with the court for the last 14 months since his arrest. Poor fellow. Perhaps he should learn to multi-task with things not involving murder.

Well, I should probably write more to make up for missing yesterday's post, but time is marching on and I need to take care of other things...like packing for my trip to Los Angeles today for a conference. I should be able to keep up the blog from LA, although the timing of posts may be off from what you're used to. Hang in there. You can't get rid of me that easily.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

P.S. - If you know of a good iMac doctor in the Northern Virginia area, let me know. Sigh.

B.

Cartoon Saturday

A Northwest Airlines flight to Minneapolis overflew its destination by 150 miles, and the pilots claimed they were distracted by arguing about company policies; an ice-skating bear in a Russian circus attacked and killed a circus administrator and seriously mauled a trainer in an argument about company policies; 106 banks have failed in this country during 2009; attorneys for convicted murderer John Allen Mohammed, who shot 13 people and killed 10 during a terrifying sniping spree around Washington DC in 2002, say he shouldn't be executed because he is mentally ill; and 32 new planets have been found outside our solar system. Ann Coulter says they're all liberals.

I don't know about you, but I need Cartoon Saturday more and more every week...

Health care is always good for a few laughs, unless you need it...

It's nice that someone understands the Congressional approach to health care reform.

I've been having trouble with both of my computers - the desktop and the laptop - not to mention both my primary external hard drives being dead. Can the answer to the problem be this simple...?

For those of you who live outside the US and aren't familiar with ACORN (The Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now), it's an advocate for low- and moderate-income families that pushes issues of neighborhood safety, voter registration, health care, affordable housing, and other social issues. It's also become a magnet for "conservative" rage because of ... well ... questionable activities on the part of some of its offices. The witch hunt has begun...

And this is why I am nervous about playing the stock market...

I hope Cartoon Saturday has helped you to recover from everything the world has thrown at you in the past week. Be sure to be here next week at this time, when we will have a special Cartoon Saturday Halloween Edition. Scary thought, eh?

Have a good day and a good weekend. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Random Observations and Complaints for a Friday

1. Conservative commentator Ann Coulter has made the breathtakingly amazing claim that every terrorist and presidential assassin is a liberal. That whistling sound you hear is the wind passing between her ears.

2. Microsoft has released Windows 7. I have enough computer problems at the moment without this. According to Ann Coulter, all the Windows software engineers are liberals.

3. A Northwest Airlines flight from San Diego to Minneapolis apparently overshot its destination by about 150 miles on Wednesday evening. The pilots claimed they were so busy arguing about company policies that they lost track of where they were. Investigators suspect they may have been asleep. Ann Coulter says they're liberals. This is not the sort of thing I need to hear about as I get ready to fly to Los Angeles next week.

4. I did my part to stimulate the economy last night by paying a tow truck operator a wad of cash to tow Agnes's car after the fuel line ruptured, stranding her in a dismal part of town.

5. My Mac has frozen up because of a "corrupted drive," and my laptop stubbornly continues to refuse to connect to the Internet or to shut down/start up normally. Can a computer be a liberal?

6. The weather forecasters are predicting some pretty intense rain this afternoon through tomorrow. %#$! liberals. Of course, I can't find my copy of Ark Building for Dummies.

Yep, I'm ready to see the end of this week. I'm really ready to go dancing tonight. And Mike isn't the only one who needs Cartoon Saturday.

You know it's rough when you actually look forward to going to work.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo