Ah, a new month dawns, and with it the opportunity to highlight another collection of ass clowns. May is one of two months this year (October will be the other) that offers three, rather than just two, opportunities to present ass clown awards, and there will certainly be no shortage of drooling social, political, and religious imbeciles upon whom to shine the light of shame.
And so we forge ahead with the first of our three awards this year as we announce
The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for May, 2026
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and the the tinfoil and toilet paper crown - with the usual flatulent blare of trumpets and roll of muffled drums - goes to
Secretary of Defense (not War)
Pete Hegseth
Today's award marks the sixth presentation (two shared and two back-to-back)* of the tinfoil and toilet paper crown to Mr. Hegseth, who retains his undisputed position as the least qualified and most incompetent Defense Secretary in the history of the office.
Confusing bellicosity and anger with managerial and leadership competence, Mr. Hegseth continues to drive the formidable U.S. defense establishment onto the rocks of legal danger and sinking morale as he blindly follows the lead of a president with no military experience who desperately needs adult counseling as he sends American troops needlessly into harm's way.
In a contentious Senate hearing this week, Mr. Hegseth argued that the 60-day clock for the president to obtain Congressional approval for the conflict with Iran stopped when Der Furor announced a ceasefire ... setting up yet another legal question of presidential authority that will likely end up at the Supreme Court, as the law says no such thing and this administration's instinct is to rush to its heavily partisan SCOTUS when it hits legal snags. Mr. Hegseth angrily shot back at Senators and Representatives critical of the war and his management of it, accusing them of being traitors rather than acknowledging their legitimate questioning of the administration's performance. He loudly and continually praised the performance of U.S. forces, while ignoring any attempt to explain the administration's goals and the strategy it is employing to achieve them.
And you are paying record prices for gasoline at the same time that consumer prices for virtually everything are skyrocketing as a direct result of Iran's petulant refusal to admit that Der Furor and Mr. Hegseth have "won" their needless war.
Ladies and gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Right-Cheek Ass Clown for May, 2026, is - for the sixth time - Secretary of Defense (not War) Pete Hegseth. We're in trouble.
Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday, when we'll pay a visit to Sisyphus ... who might well be the poster child for this administration. More thoughts then.
Bilbo
* April 2025 Right-Cheek; September 2025 Special Award (shared); March 2026 Right-Cheek (shared); March 2026 Left-Cheek; and April 2026 Right-Cheek.
P.S. - I thought you might be interested to know that Pete Hegseth is in third place for the total number of Ass Clown awards earned by an individual. The top four winners at this time are:
Der Furor with 21 awards (12 individual, 7 shared, Ass Clown of the Year for 2015 and 2025, and a Lifetime Achievement Award presented in 2017 along with his 11th award)Mitch McConnell with 13 awards (11 individual, including 3 back-to-back Ass Clown of the Year awards - 2018, 2019, and 2020, and two shared)Pete Hegseth with 6 awards (2 shared); and,JD Vance with 5 awards (2 shared)
B.
