Unnatural Selection

I ran across this somewhat odd article the other day - Men Prefer Women Who Look Like Them: Study.

Hmmm ...

It seems that a group of French researchers at the Institut des Sciences de l'Evolution de Montpellier have conducted a study which focused on two evolutionary hypotheses: the theory of homogamy, which suggests that many animal species prefer genetically similar partners ... that is, those who look like them; and the uncertainty of paternity ... a man's preference for women who will contribute fewer of their own traits to their children, allowing him to identify his own offspring more easily.

The results of the study indicated that men did, indeed, identify women as attractive who resembled their own faces, but did not support the uncertainty of paternity hypothesis.

This means there must be a lot of phenomenally ugly men out there looking for equally phenomenally ugly women.

I had enough trouble finding dates in high school without the added pressure of trying to find a girl that looked like me. And why would I have wanted a girl who looked like me, anyhow?  I love my sister, but ...

I think this is another candidate for an Ig Nobel Prize.

Have a good day. Don't tell Agnes that she looks like me ... there's no telling how she'll react, but it could be ugly.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Dollars, Cents, Smoke, and Mirrors

I like to think of myself as a fairly intelligent and well-read fellow [pats self on back], but nevertheless there are a lot of things I just don't understand. One of them is economics. Of course, Congress doesn't understand it, either, so I don't feel so bad ... except that the economic ineptitude of Congress can harm a lot more people than mine.

There are a lot of things I don't understand about economics, and in these times that's probably a bad thing. But one of the things I really don't understand about economics is the concept of money. We all know what money is on a basic level - it's that stuff we never seem to have enough of, the stuff that other people demand in exchange for the things they have that we need or want. That's simple enough, right? But there are actually all sorts of arcane mysteries surrounding money, mysteries that generate Nobel Prizes in Economics for people with 500-pound brains who sit around pondering esoteric stuff. For instance, what makes a coin or a piece of paper money? What gives money its value? Who decides what a particular unit of money is actually worth in terms of other units of money from other countries, and how? Why does one country recognize the money of another country as having some particular value?

These are the sorts of things that make my head hurt in a way that German grammar doesn't.

I got to thinking about the whole idea of money the other day when I read this article in the Washington Post: Could Two Platinum Coins Solve the Debt-Ceiling Crisis?

It seems that Congress, in its never-ending search for a silver bullet* that will solve our economic woes without alienating any powerful constituencies or offending The Great God Norquist, has picked up on an idea first floated a few years ago that was based on a loophole in the law governing money. Here's how the article explains it:

"Thanks to an odd loophole in current law, the U.S. Treasury is technically allowed to mint as many coins made of platinum as it wants and can assign them whatever value it pleases. Under this scenario, the U.S. Mint would produce (say) a pair of trillion-dollar platinum coins. The president orders the coins to be deposited at the Federal Reserve. The Fed then moves this money into Treasury’s accounts. And just like that, Treasury suddenly has an extra $2 trillion to pay off its obligations for the next two years — without needing to issue new debt. The [debt] ceiling is no longer an issue."

How about that deus ex machina approach to fiscal health, eh?

US law limits how much paper money the government can circulate at any one time, and how many gold, silver and copper coins the Treasury can mint. But there’s no such limit when it comes to platinum coins. Here's what the law** actually says:

“The Secretary [of the Treasury] may mint and issue platinum bullion coins and proof platinum coins in accordance with such specifications, designs, varieties, quantities, denominations, and inscriptions as the Secretary, in the Secretary’s discretion, may prescribe from time to time.”

A literal reading of that paragraph in the law would lead you (and lots of greedy politicians) to think that the Secretary of the Treasury has a magic platinum wand which, when waved and accompanied with the proper bureaucratic and legal incantations, could shrink the fiscal cliff to a mere crack in the economic sidewalk. So, why don't we do it?

Well for one thing, although the law doesn't specifically say so, the intent of that paragraph was probably to provide for the issue of commemorative coins, and not to provide a dodgy and politically safe way of providing funds to run the government***. For another, other countries would see it as a transparent dodge to avoid the need to put our economic house in order. And finally, the GOP - being reflexively opposed to anything President Obama proposes - would hysterically oppose it****.

The bottom line of the discussion appears to be that the trillion-dollar platinum coin is a neat idea, but wouldn't work out in practice. Looks like Congress will have to get its act together and come up with a real solution to the fiscal crisis*****.

So ...

I still don't understand economics on a scale grander than the balancing of my checkbook, nor do I understand the whole concept of the assigning of value to money.

I only wish Congress understood it better than I, and could pull its head out of its fiscal backside long enough to resolve the crisis ...

But it doesn't look like I'll get that Christmas wish.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Yes, I know all about the gold standard, but just work with me here, okay?

** 31 USC § 5112 - Denominations, Specifications, and Design of Coins, Paragraph (k)

*** You may recall from our previous discussions that this is what "taxes" are supposed to do, but since nobody can have a rational discussion of taxes any more, we're reduced to looking for loopholes in the laws governing coinage. Oy.

**** As would the Democrats if the situation were reversed.

*****Yeah, good luck with that.

Cartoon Saturday

It's just over two weeks until Christmas. If you haven't gotten my gift wish list yet, you'd better ask for it soon!

A customer who ordered an iPad from Best Buy and was delivered five by mistake was told by the company to keep them and "give them to people in need – friends, family, a local school or charity;" the Supreme Court has agreed to hear two constitutional challenges to state and federal laws dealing with the recognition of gay and lesbian marriages; two Australian disk jockeys have been suspended after a prank call to the nurse attending Britain's Princess Catherine apparently led to the nurse's suicide; ass clownery in the Senate hit a new low yesterday as GOP Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, who - in a political move designed to embarrass the Democrats - called for a vote on a bill he had no intention of supporting, ended up having to filibuster himself in order to prevent the vote from being taken; and federal agencies, unsure of what will happen as Congressional gridlock pushes the nation toward the "fiscal cliff," have begun planning in earnest for layoffs, contract cancellations, and other drastic measures to continue operations with severely reduced funding.

Just another day swirling around the black hole where Capitol Hill used to be. Let's get to the cartoons ...

How odd ideas are born ...

Did you ever wonder where Congress gets the questionable data it uses as a basis for its wild ideas? ...

From the gawd-awful puns department ...

How future generations will catalog some of the asinine commentary that passes for political dialog ...

The banks and airlines are running out of things to charge extra fees on, so this is probably the next step ...

How would a food critic address the subject of genetically modified foods? Here's one idea ...

They're not getting anything else done ... we might as well use them for something ...

You knew this one had to show up someday ...

This one is a near-perfect twist on the real world ...

And finally, sometimes there really is justice ...

And that's it for this week. Quit reading and finish addressing your Christmas cards, decorating your tree, and doing your Christmas shopping. But be sure to come back tomorrow.

More thoughts then.

Bilbo

How to Kiss

I have some work I need to get done before I head out to my doctor's appointment this morning, so I thought I'd just scrape the top of the Blog Fodder file and offer you this public service post.

We're all tired of thinking about the economic disaster that our elected "leaders" are shoving us toward (who knows if I'll have a job after the first of January?), so let's think about something happy. Let's think about kissing.

This video - How to Kiss Nice and Long - may be helpful for those of you who have been on the dating shelf for a while, or who are just looking for a few helpful pointers on a pleasant activity. You will learn three key things:

1. Don't forget to to breathe; and,

2. Brace yourself such that "when you need to stop and breathe, [you can] just pull away;" and, 

3. Don't exhale into the other person's mouth -- not firstly because it's very weird, but because of the dangers of carbon dioxide.

Don't you wish you'd have known all that during those first tentative kisses back in high school?

Don't thank me ... it's all part of the service. Enjoy!

Have a good day and a great weekend. Come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday.

Bilbo

The Ass Clown of the Month Award for December!

Our last Ass Clown of the Month award was presented back in October to one Edward Archibold, who died after eating dozens of live cockroaches and worms in a contest for which the grand prize was an $850 python. There was no award presented last month, despite the plethora of available candidates, which gives us a rich field from which to select our final Ass Clown of the Month for 2012.

The number of superbly qualified candidates in competition for the dishonor is very large, and made it all but impossible to select a single winner, and so I have decided to declare a group award. Ladies and Gentlemen, the Ass Clown of the Month for December, 2012 goes to ...

President Obama,

The Entire Senate,

and

The Entire House of Representatives

For their shameless political posturing and willingness to drag the entire country into a new recession because of an unwillingness to work together, compromise their cherished beliefs, piss off Grover Norquist*, or consider targeted cuts to personal sacred cows, the President and the entire collection of elected lawmakers share the dubious designation of Ass Clown of the Month ... and on December 31^st, if (as expected) they're still playing dice with the lives of every American**, they will likely be very strong contenders for Ass Clown of the Year***.

The situation is dire, but because we need something to laugh at besides the ludicrous antics of our elected officials, here's a clever parody from Mad Magazine ... if you're one of my Facebook friends, you saw this yesterday; for the rest of you, here are the Google Maps directions to the Fiscal Cliff (click to enlarge) ...

It's now time to open up the voting for the 2012 Ass Clown of the Year Award. Yes, Dear Readers, just like last year, YOU are once again invited to submit your nominations for the annual winner. Chicago rules apply: vote early, vote often, vote for individuals, vote for groups, vote for multiple candidates, I don't care ... just vote - it's all up to you. Balloting will end at 11:59 PM (Eastern Daylight Time) on December 31^st, and the results will be announced on January 1st, 2013. Let your voice be heard!

Have a good day. Let your Senator and Reprehensive know what you think ... they're certainly not listening to me any more.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Ass Clown of the Month for July, 2011.

** Except, of course, for the sainted 1%.

*** And that award, richly deserved, last year went to the GOP.

Great Moments in Editing, Yet Again

I'm all worn out from addressing Christmas cards and sticking on all those address labels and stamps, so let's just do something simple this morning, eh? How about another trip down Editorial Lane ... ?

I'm not sure I'd really want to shop at this sale ...

Or this one ...

Stock up now and take advantage of the big savings ...

Everything is being cut back nowadays ...

There are occasional benefits to achieving geezerhood ...

Did you ever wonder just what goes on during those investigations that always take place after major accidents? Hmmm ...

The importance of making sure what the salesman actually said ...

Aw, who cares? ...

The Holy Second Amendment guarantees you the right to own an arsenal. It doesn't cure stupidity ...

And finally, who do you suppose paid for this groundbreaking and insightful study? ...

And that's it for today. Raise your glass to professional editors and proofreaders everywhere!

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

The New Crazy

One of the most valuable tools available to those who treat mental illness is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, commonly known as the DSM. The DSM, which is used by doctors, insurance companies, and other mental health professionals, describes and provides numerical codes for all the ways the human mind can go off the rails. It defines more than 300 recognized mental illnesses, including depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and fetishism. It's quite a book.

This article discusses some of the economics and politics that surround the latest revision of the DSM, and is very interesting. From the economic perspective, a mental disorder must be listed in the DSM and have its own code in order to have its treatment reimbursed by insurance companies, and the National Institutes of Health require DSM codes in order to pay out research grants for the development of treatments. There are also political issues involved, as mental health professionals seek to have new types of disorders documented so that educational and social services will be provided for sufferers of those disorders.

The DSM has been revised several times since its introduction in 1952, and each edition has incorporated new disorders and adjusted the discussion of existing ones. The newest edition of the DSM - DSM-V, due out next year, will include excoriation (skin-picking) and hoarding as recognized mental illnesses, but will not include hypersexual disorder (also known as sex addiction). Go figure.

What other mental disorders won't be included in DSM-V? How about ...

Fiscal Reality Denial - a severe mental disorder common to extreme conservatives, characterized by the delusion that reducing taxes on the wealthy is the best way to assist the poor.

Electronic Communication Addiction - a condition in which sufferers are unable to communicate without the aid of cell phones or text messaging, even with other individuals sitting across a table or at opposite ends of a sofa.

Exertion Avoidance - a mild form of mental illness which manifests itself in a willingness to wait 10 minutes in a running car in order to get a parking place as close as possible to one's destination, rather than parking a short distance further away and walking a bit longer.

So ...

What mental disorders do you think were inadvertently omitted from the new DSM? Leave a comment.

Because it would be interesting to learn whether I'm certifiably crazy or just eccentric.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Christmas Planning

Every year about this time I get into the pre-Christmas-gotta-get-all-this-stuff-done mode. And I usually get-all-this-stuff-done, but not always on time and not always within budget. Here's how things are shaping up at the start of this first full week in December, with only about three weeks until Christmas ...

1. The Christmas tree is up and decorated, and the holiday decorations are up all over the house. This year we succumbed to the ultimate holiday short-cut: we bought a 7.5-foot pre-lit tree. It weighs about 8,000 pounds, comes in three pieces, and fits together neatly with two electrical connections between the three sections. It took me about 15 minutes to put up, as opposed to our old tree that consisted of about 275,000,000 color-coded branches of various sizes that slotted into two major trunk sections, also color coded*, had to be strung with six hopelessly-tangled strands of lights, large numbers of which petulantly refused to light each year, and took all day to complete. The new tree is much easier and is very attractive. Come back after Christmas when I have to get it back into the box, and we'll see how much I like it then.

2. My annual Christmas letter to friends is written. You may recall that my custom is to write one master letter which goes to my friend Toni in North Carolina, who always wants to know everything. I then edit the master letter to send to our other friends, depending on what they would be interested in knowing. The pile of edited letters is getting bigger, and I plan to be able to get them all in the mail by the end of the week.

3. I haven't started addressing Christmas cards yet, but it will go fast once I get going.

4. Christmas shopping for the grandchildren is nearly complete ... only one more gift to go. Since we now have to ship things overseas to the Munchkins in Germany, I need to get those packages out soon.

5. I'm still asking Agnes for her Christmas wish lists. Yes, lists. I always need two: one of the things she wants, and a shorter version that lists the things she wants that I can afford. My friend Helen, the self-appointed Gift Appropriateness Overseer, has already asked her traditional question of whether I have bought Agnes something expensive and sparkly**.

6. I have completed my traditional shredding of the envelope helpfully provided by my newspaper delivery person for the awarding of holiday tips. When the year comes that my paper is actually delivered on time (that is, before I leave for work), I'll leave a tip. Yes, I'm being Scroogy on this. Sue me.

So, ho-ho-ho. I'm more or less on track for the holidays. How about you? Break out the egg nog, hang up the mistletoe, and send the lumps of coal and bags of sawdust to your favorite member of Congress*** ... Christmas is just three weeks from tomorrow.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* As you may know, my color vision is a bit wonky, and Agnes had to sort out all the color-coded branches and tell me where each fit into the trunk.

** One year, I bought Agnes a very expensive computer program she wanted. Helen was horrified: "You bought Agnes zeroes and ones for Christmas??!!"

*** Forget your disgust with their non-performance for a while and send an appropriate gift to your GOP Scrooge or your Democratic Santa.

Old Joke ...

The other day over at Billions of Versions of Normal, Mike addressed what turns out to be a long-standing myth: that the posture of the horse in a statue of a mounted war hero has a particular meaning (all four hooves on the ground, one hoof in the air, horse rearing up on its hind legs*, etc). I had heard this before, but it was still interesting.

And it reminded me of an old joke ...

At the entrance to a park in a large city, a pair of statues stood on pedestals across from each other - a naked (but oddly modest) man and a naked (but, in the typical fashion of statues, not-quite so modest) woman, each reaching out to the other to form an archway of yearning but unrequited love across the sidewalk. For many years, through summers and winters, sun and rain and snow, the statues reached out to each other, their fingers scant inches apart, yet never touching.

One day an unemployed fairy** happened by and noticed the two statues. "This is so sad," she said in her high-pitched fairy voice. "All these years you have stood here in all weather, yearning for each other, yet never knowing each other's loving touch." A tear rolled down the fairy's cheek, and she suddenly realized that she could do a good deed! Reaching into her knapsack **, she pulled out a small bag of fairy dust and sprinkled it over the statues. "Live!" she whispered. "Indulge your passion so long denied!"

For a moment, nothing happened. And then, slowly, the two statues shuddered and began to move. They stretched legs and arms long locked in a single position, rotated necks stiff from years of inactivity, and gradually straightened up and stood on their pedestals with looks of awe on their now-living faces. And then the male statue shouted, "At last!!" as he leaped down from his pedestal and grabbed the female statue by the hand, and the two raced into the dense bushes beside the walkway.

For a few minutes there was silence, and then a burst of furious activity! Twigs cracked, leaves flew, and clouds of dust rose up, punctuated by gasps and moans and frantic cries of passionate abandon. This went on for many minutes, and then suddenly there was silence again.

Behind the bushes, the two statues lay side by side on the ground, their sweat-soaked bodies now streaked with mud, their hair tangled and full of leaves and broken twigs. They lay panting and gasping for several long minutes, and then the male statue asked gently, "How was it for you?"

"Oh, God, it was wonderful!" the female statue gasped. I never dreamed it could be so amazing!"

The male statue looked over at her and asked with a sly wink, "Shall we do it again?"

"Oh, yes!  YES!!" the female statue panted, with a look of pure ecstasy on her face. "Only this time, YOU hold the pigeon down and I'LL poop on him!"

Don't blame me ... blame Mike. It was his post that reminded me of the joke.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Mike reminds us in his post that the depiction of an animal rearing up on its hind legs is known in heraldry as a "rampant" figure. My own personal coat of arms shows a debtor rampant on a field of unpaid bills.

** Angel, perhaps your Guardian Angel Steve could use some help.

*** So, how did you think fairies carried things around?

Cartoon Saturday

Welcome to December ...

Chinese state media has reported that a man was sentenced to death Friday for holding six women as sex slaves in an underground lair and ordering the deaths of two of them; a bridge failed in Paulsboro, New Jersey, sending four train cars - at least one of which was leaking a toxic chemical - crashing into a creek near the Delaware River; according to a leading Web security firm, the Syrian government is almost certainly responsible for a blackout that shut down virtually all Internet service in the country; President Obama on Friday warned of a "Scrooge Christmas" if Congress does not pass legislation extending tax cuts for 98% of Americans; and China has angered its neighbors by including in its new passports a map which shows numerous disputed territories as belonging to China.

The Christmas spirit does not seem to be observed everywhere. That's why we have Cartoon Saturday ...

We lead off with two takes on the theme of "someday, this will all be yours" ...

and ...

A novel new concept in marketing ...

The next three cartoons go out to Kathy A and my other readers who are teachers of English ...

and ...

and ...

It's all in how you look at it ...

There are some strange bloggers out there, in addition to Mike and I ...

There are a lot of good cartoons out there about elevators, like this one ...

And finally for this week, there's no light at the end of the fiscal tunnel yet ... and at the rate Congress is going, there won't be any any time soon. Maybe we ought to just settle for this ...

And that's it for the first Cartoon Saturday in December. There are only 24 more shopping days until Christmas ... write now for my gift wish list.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo