Cartoon Saturday

As we come to the end of another miserable week, there's nothing like some good cartoons to cheer us up. But first, this news ...

Harper Lee, author of the classic American novel To Kill a Mockingbird, died on Friday at age 89; Donald Trump managed to find himself described as "not a Christian" by no less an authority than Pope Francis, whose remarks were described by Mr Trump as "disgraceful;" 18 year-old Malachi Love-Robinson was arrested in Florida for impersonating a doctor ... he defended his actions by telling a reporter that "just because someone has a title 'doctor' in front of their name does not necessarily imply M.D."; Apple is embroiled in a privacy and civil liberties dispute with the FBI over the agency's demand that it unlock an iPhone belonging to a man who murdered 14 people at a Christmas party last December; and in Kenya, a group of lions escaped from a park on Friday and were said to be in a residential area of Nairobi, reportedly searching for the location of the local Lions Club chapter.

In honor of my mail, which nowadays consists of Medicare come-ons and ads for cemetery plots, let's enjoy a collection of cartoons about aging ...

My fellow vets will appreciate this ...

We're getting there ...

I can appreciate this ...

I also enjoy being asked for my ID when my supermarket purchase includes a bottle of wine ...

Agnes and I are both good at this ...

Yep, that's me ...

Nothing like getting an early start on feelings of old age ...

Looking waaaaay back ...

As I've often said, getting old is the pits, but it does beat the alternative ...

Finally, this one pretty much summarizes how I see our retirement plan ...

After a few weeks of bitter cold, rain, snow, and ice, it looks as if we're going to have a pretty nice weekend, with temperatures today possibly reaching the 60s. This almost certainly means, given the vagaries of NoVa weather, that we'll have another three feet of snow by midweek.

So what's on your agenda for the weekend? We'll be rearranging the furniture in Agnes's workshop (again) and gathering up the last figures and documents we need for our tax return. We met with our tax advisor yesterday afternoon and discovered that our tax picture isn't as dismal as we thought ... complicated, to be sure, but it looks as if we won't go to jail this year. Nice to know we have something in common with the 1%.

Have a good day and enjoy the weekend. See you tomorrow for Poetry Sunday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Great Moments in Editing

Yep, it's that time again ... let's blow the dust off another stack of Great Moments in Editing!

You say tomato, I say tomahto ...

Thanks, I'll just stick with the white rice ...

Before and after? Really? ...

Yes, I think that would be a clue ...

Well, that would defeat the purpose, wouldn't it? ...

Protecting your confidentiality since ... uh ... what time is it, now? ...

Shots? Wormed? Tails docked? ...

Yes, I imagine that would constitute grounds for divorce ...

It probably helps keep your watchdog awake on the late shift ...

Anything I can say at this point will only make things worse ...

And there you have it: another collection of editorial gems for your amusement. Want to continue to be amused? Come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Do Your Job!

The untimely death* of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia has had the collateral effect of tremendously enlarging the diameter of the rings of the Congressional three-ring circus. Justice Scalia's body was still warm when Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R, KY) grandly announced that Congress would refuse to take up any nomination President Obama made to fill the vacancy, citing a supposed policy** that mandates that lame duck presidents are not permitted to make judicial appointments in the last year of their term.***

If we needed any more evidence of the utter bankruptcy of sober statesmanship in Congress, this provided it.

I can understand that Republicans - obsessed with their hatred for President Obama and liberal Democrats - would reflexively oppose giving him the opportunity to fill a Supreme Court vacancy. But announcing up front - before any nomination had even been considered, much less announced - that Congress would take no action on any nomination until after the election is so blatantly unconstitutional that one wonders why Republican heads don't explode from sheer gall overdose. Article II, Section 2, Clause 2, states that "[The President] shall have power, by and with the advice and consent of the Senate, to ... appoint Judges of the supreme Court." It doesn't state that "[The President] shall have power, by and with the advice and consent of the Senate, to ... appoint Judges of the supreme Court, except when he's in his final term of office." For those who loudly rail about "original intent" and "strict constructionism," this is some pretty amazing mental contortionism.

I understand the Republican fear that the President might appoint an "activist" judge who would "legislate from the bench." They argue that important issues of policy must be settled in the legislature and not in the courts^† ... we have, after all, an entire branch of government that is supposed to be devoted to legislating, and it's not the judicial branch. This, however, presupposes that we have a functioning legislature ... which we don't. Legislation from the bench starts to look like a reasonable alternative when lawmakers don't execute their responsibility to legislate from the legislature.

A few years back in my office we had a mantra we were fond of chanting when we were faced with intransigent or lazy behavior on the part of other offices ... drawn out and spoken with a deep growl of disgust, it went,

"Dew yer jaaaaahhhhhbbbbb!!"

I'm saying that a lot lately as I observe the clown show where Congress used to be.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Can a death be timely? Discuss.

** The so-called "Thurmond Rule."

*** This is the same policy to which Senator McConnell was inflexibly opposed when Democrats tried to invoke it.

† As it happens, I agree.

Wee, Wee, Wee All the Way Home

As part of my ongoing quest to share vital information with you – information that you might not receive from other sources – I call your attention to this interesting article from CNN: The Pee Color Spectrum – What It Means.

You may not have known, or paid much attention to, the color of your urine, but it provides you and your doctor vital information about the state of your health. Here is a summary of the colors and what they mean, summarized from the article:

Clear. You’re drinking plenty of water. No problem, unless you are getting tired of spending too much time in the bathroom.

Pale Yellow. This is normal. No need to call your doctor unless you see it running down your leg at unexpected times.

Bright Yellow. This indicates you have an excess of B vitamins in your system, not that you are a coward. It’s normal, and is just your urine’s way of telling you you’re packing too much riboflavin.

Brownish-Yellow. If your pee is this color, it’s carrying a high concentration of the evil stuff urine is supposed to remove from your body. You should probably drink more water.

Brown. A brown color can indicate the presence of myoglobin, a protein found in muscle, in the urine. It can indicate rhabdomyolysis (sometimes shortened to "rhabdo"), which is a form of muscle damage that causes muscle fibers to die and leach into the bloodstream. If your pee looks like your poop, call your doctor.

Greenish-Blue or Orange. Certain medications can result in urine that’s one of these colors. If you’re not taking any medication, you may want to consult your doctor.

Pink or Red. You may have eaten too many beets. Or you may have blood in your urine, which is a bad thing. Or you just might be one of those damn socialists the Republicans are worried are taking over the country from Real Americans.

There are lots of useful charts available on the Internet to help you evaluate the meaning of your urine's color ... here's one that relates urine color to your degree of hydration:

And the guidelines may be easier to remember with a slightly different approach to color:

Drink up, Dear Readers, and - like the little piggy - you can cry "wee, wee, wee!" all the way home.

Have a good day. Stay hydrated. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

"Entitlements"

A few days ago Andrea wrote a post titled "Are You Entitled?" in which she loosed a minor rant about the subject of entitlements and what we are entitled to ... a list that included food, clean water, health care, and education. Her last line pretty much summed it up: "... there is very little we are really entitled to, without working for it, or trying to work for it."

I thought I'd piggyback on Andrea's post with a few comments of my own on the subject of entitlements.

In what passes for current political discourse, the word entitlements is usually spoken with a sneer of disdain by conservatives, who tend to define it as "something given by the government and paid for by a hardworking American to someone who didn't earn it and doesn't deserve it."

Not so fast there, bucko.

Social Security is considered an entitlement program, but I have paid into it my entire working life, and so yes, I believe I'm entitled to the monthly check I'll start drawing soon.

Medicare is also considered an entitlement program ... but because one pays premiums for its coverage, I believe they're entitled to it.

Some would consider my military pension an entitlement ... to which I'm entitled by paying 23 years of my life for it.

Things get more murky when we talk about things to which I think we should all be entitled, but are less clear in funding. I personally believe everyone is entitled to a basic education at least through high school, followed by either a trade school certificate or a collegiate baccalaureate degree. It's true that we'll always need dishwashers and mechanics and street sweepers, but a modern, high-tech world needs people with advanced education to drive the nation forward. I don't think there's a more important investment we can make than universal, free education for all who want it.

I also think we're entitled to air we can breathe, water we can drink, food that's safe to eat, and medicine that's safe to take. If your business pollutes the air, poisons the water, or provides the food we eat and the medicines our doctors prescribe, you should be required to bear the cost of treating your waste and keeping your products safe. Obviously, businesses aren't known for their altruism ... they will pass these costs on to consumers ... but they have to be borne one way or another, because free education doesn't mean much if you're dead.

I also think that everyone is entitled to free basic health care, and I like the idea of something like Bernie Sanders' "Medicare for All" concept, using a single-payer plan funded by a tax in the same way Social Security is funded. I can hear the howls of horror and outrage already as conservatives rail against socialized medicine (whatever that is) in which decisions about our health are made not by doctors but by ... gasp! ... government bureaucrats. The horror! Of course, one might ask what the difference is between decisions made by "government bureaucrats" and decisions made by the "insurance company bureaucrats" that make those decisions now* ... but obviously faceless insurance company bureaucrats represent the triumph of free enterprise, while faceless government bureaucrats represent meddlesome and incompetent government.

I know I've been rambling and sarcastic, but my point is this: there are entitlements and there are entitlements. They all have to be paid for somehow, and so if you're going to thunder about the fiscal horror of entitlements, make sure you understand what type they are, what their benefits are, how they're being funded, and what we get that we pay for.

And now I'm entitled to stop writing.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Case in point: our dentist has gone through hell with our dental insurance company to get paid for the extensive work Agnes has had done in the past year. Over a period of nearly a year, the insurance company rejected our dentist's repeated requests for payment, insisting on more and more documentation, including additional copies of x-rays already submitted, and eventually paying its own estimate of what it thought was the right amount. In the end, our dentist wrote off a significant chunk of his bill ... good news for us, but he's a businessman, after all, and I'd rather he didn't remember having taken a loss on us the next time we go in with dental problems.

Musical Monday

I have an enormous collection of songs, most of them in English, but many also in German (but you figured that, didn't you?), French, Spanish, Italian, and even Hungarian. The German language has an unfortunate reputation for being harsh and unmelodic, but it can be every bit as beautiful in its way as French or Spanish, both of which are usually considered easier on the ear*.

Since yesterday was Valentine's Day, the day on which we celebrate love in all its various forms, I thought I'd pick a nice love song for today's Musical Monday, and the one I've chosen is this marvelous song by German folk singer Reinhard Mey titled "Herbstgewitter über Dächern," or "Autumn Thunderstorms over the Rooftops." Much of the beauty of the song beyond the melody will be lost on those of you who don't speak German, but here's the basic idea: the singer imagines losing each of his senses, and yet understanding each one through the things his lover does. It's a wonderful song, and I hope you enjoy it ...

Here's my imperfect translation of the second verse ...

Straßenlärm und Musikboxen

Weh'n ein Lied irgendwo her

Düsengrollen, Lachen, Rufen

Plötzlich Stille ringsumher

Hätt' ich all das nie vernommen

Wär' für alles taub und hört'

Nur ein Wort von dir gesprochen

Sag' ich doch, ich hab' gehört

Street noise and music boxes,

A song coming from somewhere,

Airplane noises, laughter, shouting –

And suddenly stillness all around.

If I’d never heard any of it,

If I were deaf to everything, 

and heard but a single word you spoke,

I’d know that I'd been able to hear.

Have a good day, and pick up a second language. You'll thank me later. 

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* An old joke says you should speak French to your lover, Spanish to your friends, and German to your enemies.

Poetry Sunday

Today is February 14th, Valentine's Day, and it seems appropriate to feature a poem about love ...

The Wall Hanging I Never Noticed

by Dorothea Lasky

I never noticed before

How the red flowers hang from the blue branches

I never noticed before the light in this room

I never noticed the way the air is cool again

I never noticed anything but you

But you but you

So that I couldn’t sleep

I never noticed what was anything but you

Until I noticed you

And could not help it

Until I noticed you I could not help it

Until you made the red flowers alive again

Until the blue branches

The lemons you loved, but also the way you loved me, too

Until all of this I never noticed you

But once I did

I never minded noticing

I never stopped noticing

Until I noticed you

I never stopped noticing

Until you, I never stopped

Never stop noticing those you love.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Musical Monday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Two weeks of February down, two to go, and more than a month until the first day of Spring. Oy.

Senator Ted Cruz's campaign pulled one of its television ads after it was discovered that an actress in the ad was an adult film performer*; In Columbus, Ohio, four people were injured when a man wielding a machete attacked customers and employees in a local restaurant ... the NRA issued a statement reminding everyone that only a good guy with a machete can stop a bad guy with a machete; 46 prison guards in Georgia were arrested in an FBI sting that targeted a massive drug ring; in Oklahoma City, a 20 year-old man was arrested for shooting his grandparents at their day care facility, and then beheading them; and in Cleveland, Ohio, public outrage forced the city to stop its attempt to bill the family of a 12 year-old boy for an ambulance ride after the child was mistakenly shot by police.

I really couldn't make this stuff up.

There are a lot of things that are bugging me lately, so let's lead off this week's Cartoon Saturday with a few cartoons about ... well ... bugs ...

Caution: pickup artist at work ...

Busted!! ...

The Houdini of butterflies ...

Well, he does look a little young ...

Well, there's nothing wrong with a little positive thinking, is there? ...

I have a similar problem ...

Even the world of bugs and slugs has to worry about the crazies ...

Turning to a few other topics ...

You just know that this is what's going through the mind of a politician at a press conference ...

Well, he's consistent ...

And finally for this week, a cartoon that truly speaks to me as I get ready to move into retirement ...

It's going to be a bone-chillingly cold weekend here in NoVa (I can already hear the wind howling outside my study window), which may be good for Valentine's Day ... it'll be good weather for snuggling in front of the fire under a pile of quilts. At least the weatherman isn't using the "s" word in his forecasts until Monday.

Have a good day and a great Presidents' Day weekend, and give your Valentine a kiss and a hug while you're at it. See you tomorrow for Poetry Sunday.

Bilbo

* Her line was, "Maybe you should vote for more than just another pretty face next time."

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for February, 2016

Yes, Dear Readers, it's that time again ... the Friday when we name our first Ass Clown award recipient of the month. As always, it's difficult to make a selection from the enormous locust swarm of candidates, but it has to be done; and so it is that with the usual flatulent blare of trumpets I announce a group award to the

Right-Cheek Ass Clowns

for

February, 2015

Michigan Governor Rick Snyder

Flint, Michigan Mayor Karen Weaver

and

Flint, Michigan Emergency Manager

Darnell Earley

This month's award recognizes the stupendous level of ass-clownery that allowed both elected (Governor Snyder and Mayor Walker) and appointed (Mr Earley) government officials to save money by - literally - poisoning the people of Flint, Michigan. In April, 2014, the City of Flint's water supply was switched from Lake Huron (via the city water system of Detroit) to the Flint River - a move which was estimated to save about $5 million over two years. However, the water of the Flint River was heavily polluted and quickly began to leach lead from old transmission pipes into the homes of Flint residents. The result was an environmental and public health catastrophe that has cost at least $45 million so far, with an ultimate price tag to repair the water delivery infrastructure of $750 million to $1.5 billion and a medical bill of incalculable magnitude to care for the citizens poisoned by the tainted water. Mayor Weaver (who, to be fair, was not the mayor when the decision to switch the water supply was made) was quoted as saying that "This is bigger than the city can handle financially, so we need some federal assistance."

Yes, Dear Readers, the city and state governments that poisoned an entire city in a misguided attempt to save money are asking for financial aid from the tyrannical, overreaching federal government.

It is clear that the Environmental Protection Agency* should share in the award for having failed to sound the alarm over water quality even after discovering the problem early on. But while this was a tragic and unforgivable error, I believe that the ultimate responsibility for the disaster lies squarely on the shoulders of those who tried to solve their budgetary problems by putting cost-cutting ahead of public safety.

For their actions which poisoned an entire city and may ultimately cost the nation's taxpayers more than a billion dollars to repair, Rick Snyder, Karen Weaver, and Darnell Earley are named our Right Cheek Ass Clowns for February, 2015.

Don't use the local water when you toast them.

Have a good day. See you tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday.

Bilbo

* An agency of the tyrannical, overreaching federal government.

More About Books

I usually get between four and six comments on an average post, plus another one or two on my Facebook page*. It can spike to ten or more when I have a post that generates a lot of interest ... say, with the word sex in the title or a topic that for some reason draws people in. This past Tuesday was an example - I got ten comments, plus another ten on Facebook, on a post about books we lie about having read.

The lesson is clear: to generate more interest and more comments, write about sex or books.

Today, I'll write more about books. If I write about sex, I'll just get depressed.

It seems to me that nowadays there are far too many books about zombies and about broken heroes and heroines fighting against corrupt governments/terrorists/serial killers.

Here's a list of books I strongly recommend instead of those:

The Inspector John Madden mysteries by Rennie Airth (The Blood-Dimmed Tide, The Dead of Winter, River of Darkness, and The Reckoning). These are well-written, cleverly plotted mysteries that span the career of a British police inspector from the end of World War I to the end of World War II. I've read them all twice, and am anxiously awaiting the new Madden novel that Mr Airth is now writing.

The Cliff Janeway ("Bookman") mysteries by John Dunning (Booked to Die, The Bookman's Wake, The Bookman's Promise, The Sign of the Book, and The Bookwoman's Last Fling). Cliff Janeway, the "Bookman" of the titles, is a retired police detective who now runs a bookstore, and manages to end up enmeshed in complex mysteries involving the world of books. These are great stories.

Also by John Dunning: Two O'Clock Eastern Wartime. This is a terrific mystery, set in a radio station in a town on the east coast during World War II. You'll learn something about radio production and how to generate cool sound effects while you follow a mystery that twists from the late 1800s to the 1940s.

River God and The Seventh Scroll, by Wilbur Smith. River God is a wonderful adventure set in ancient Egypt and culminating in the construction of a Pharaoh's hidden tomb; The Seventh Scroll fast-forwards to the present and the search for that tomb. The stories are vivid and fast-moving, full of adventure, sex, violence, and historical detail.

The Max Lieberman mysteries by Frank Tallis (A Death in Vienna, Vienna Blood, Vienna Secrets, Death and the Maiden, Fatal Lies, and The Melancholy Countess). Max Lieberman is a psychoanalyst  and disciple of Sigmund Freud in turn-of-the-century Vienna. He consults with the Vienna police through a series of marvelously complex mysteries full of historical detail about Old Vienna.

The True Believer, by Eric Hoffer. Hoffer was known as "The Longshoreman Philosopher," a self-educated working man with a brilliant mind and wonderful insights into religion and society. The True Believer is one of my all-time favorite books - a marvelous analysis of what makes ordinary people become political or religious fanatics.

Okay, that should get you started. If you have read any of these stories, how did you like them? And if you decide to read any of them on my recommendation, e-mail me and let me know what you thought. And what are your own recommendations?

So many books, so little time.

Have a good day. Come back tomorrow, when we name the Right-Cheek Ass Clown for February. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* More, if it leads to one of our famous pun contests, which can go on for days.