The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for September, 2026

It gets harder all the time to write these awards, given the historic levels of incompetence and corruption in government and the perversion of the generosity and goodwill that once made the United States the envy of the world. It's a depressing task, particularly since those who most need to understand the reason for the awards are the most likely to forgive the behavior upon which they cast light.

I was conflicted more than usual for this first award of September, because the behavior of so many people both in and out of government made them prime candidates for public condemnation. I considered various types of group awards, but finally decided on a simple dual presentation to the top two miserable specimens of ass clownhood.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, I have decided to present the joint award for

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for September, 2026

to the extraordinarily well-qualified

Secretary of Defense (not War)

Pete Hegseth*

and

Chief Justice of the Supreme Court

John Roberts**

Pete Hegseth was as close to a no-brainer for this period's award as it gets, largely on the basis of the extraordinary damage he has done to the professional United States Army. His focus on implementing a MAGA agenda of toxic masculinity and lethality-above-all has led him to fire or force into retirement many of the service's most experienced and combat-hardened general officers. His purge of the Army has been so sweeping that, with the retirement this week of Secretary of the Army Dan Driscoll, the military’s largest service has no top civilian leader, no Senate-confirmed Chief of Staff, no Senate-confirmed  general in charge of operations, and no Senate-confirmed commander of Army troops in Europe. Mr. Hegseth's purge has left the Army, with more than 450,000 active-duty soldiers stationed around the world, with fewer experienced senior leaders than at any point in recent history. 

Some of Mr. Hegseth's actions, such as his performative (and incorrect) physical fitness demonstrations with soldiers and his order to implement testosterone screening of military personnel to ensure suitable manliness, are just silly. Far more serious are his wholesale firing of senior personnel and his utter failure to plan for and execute Der Furor's ill-considered war with Iran. When called to answer for his missteps, whether by members of Congress or reporters seeking clarity, his only response is bluster and insults, accusing questioners of insufficient patriotism and support of the military.

The second award recipient today is Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts, whose award is based on his pusillanimous dissent in the case brought by the National Trust for Historic Preservation against Der Furor's destruction of the East Wing of the former White House and construction at breakneck speed of a gigantic, gilded ballroom. While the Court ruled (5-4 along largely partisan lines) that construction could continue because the National Trust lacked standing to bring the case, Justice Roberts noted timidly that the construction was "likely unlawful" in response to the majority's cop-out that "... we do not pass upon the legality of the government’s East Wing project." I guess it was just too much to ask that the Chief Justice exercise some leadership and suggest - however weakly - that his fellow justices enforce the law.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the award for the Right-Cheek Ass Clown for September, 2026, is shared by Secretary of Defense (not War) Pete Hegseth and Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts. We depend upon our military to defend our homeland and the Supreme Court to uphold the law. On the leaders of these two vital organizations, we depend in vain.

Have a good day. Be sure to come back tomorrow, when Cartoon Saturday celebrates the start of a new school year. Hope you remembered to buy those back-to-school clothes in a kevlar blend.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Eighth award, three of them shared.

** Fourth award, three of them shared.