Great Moments in Editing and Signage

Welcome to the first edition of Great Moments in Editing and Signage for 2025! Let's get right to it -

Are they selling vasectomies or snacks?

I've long known that the math used by car dealerships is a little dodgy ...

I know what they meant to say, but ...

If you need a polka table, call now!!

This is the sort of care you can expect when you have a single-payer health care system (aka, "socialized medicine") ...

The lesson here is: don't mail your gallstones to your friends, use FedEx or UPS ...

MAGA pets ...

Athletes' math is almost as good as auto dealers' math ...

I wonder if it was the painter's last day ...

Someone really had a blast writing this headline ...

And that's it for your first Great Moments post of the new year - hope you enjoyed it.

If you need a New Year's resolution, why not resolve to seek out Great Moments in your environment and send 'em to ol' Bilbo ... he can always use the help!

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts coming tomorrow, in the first Cartoon Saturday of the new year. See you then.

Bilbo

The Ass Clown of the Year for 2024

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, you have spoken, and have done a much better job than the voters in that other election back in November.

Yes, it is time to announce the result of the voting for the Ass Clown of the Year ... but first, let's count down the finalists:

In fifth place, with 600 votes - three-time ACOY winner and late entry Mitch McConnell;

In fourth place, with 615 votes - The News Media, for its overall deplorable performance;

In third place, with 880 votes - the biggest snake to come out of Florida since the Burmese Python invasion, Matt Gaetz; 

In second place, our runner up with 1450 votes - Mar-a-Lago Pool Boy Elon Musk;

And now, our winner,

The 2024

Ass Clown of the Year

and winner - for the second time - of the prestigious tinfoil and toilet paper crown

with a towering 11790 votes,

The American Electorate

A slim majority of the American Electorate this year opted to reject a superbly qualified presidential candidate and instead return to the presidency the most un-statesmanlike, unqualified, petty, and vindictive individual possible. Glad you got what you wished for ... sadly, the rest of us and the rest of the world will suffer the consequences along with you.

By the way, Der Furor this year received the lowest vote total in the history of the Ass Clown of the Year awards - exactly one-half vote, cast at the last minute. He deserved more, but at least he made the final roster of nominees, which also included embarrassing Cabinet nominee Robert F. Kennedy, Jr, Der Furor's spokesogre Stephen Cheung, The Government of Israel, the Democratic Party, the 118th Congress, and "The Trump Cult."

Before we sign off, here's a recap of the Ass Clown of the Year winners since the annual award was first presented in 2011:

2011: The Republican Party

2012: NRA President Wayne LaPierre

2013: The Tea Party

2014: Former VP Dick Cheney

2015: Der Furor

2016: The American Electorate

2017: The Republican Party and Its Congressional Majority

2018: Sen Mitch McConnell (R, KY)

2019: Sen Mitch McConnell (R, KY)

2020: Sen Mitch McConnell (R, KY)

2021: Tucker Carlson

2022: Texas Governor Greg Abbott

2023: The Republican Party

2024:  The American Electorate

Enjoy the New Year's Holiday, and gird your mental loins for the coming year, which promises to be a wild ride as the new administration fights with itself and tries to meet the minimum standards for responsible governance. Good luck with that.

More thoughts coming in the new year.

Bilbo

The Final Ass Clown of the Year Voting Update!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, I hope your Holiday season of choice continues to be safe, happy and festive! With only two more days (counting today) left in 2024, we continue the search for that misbegotten symbol of all that is wrong with the nation and the world, The Ass Clown of the Year.

Voting has been steady since the race began on December 17th, and with mere hours to go, here's how the race is shaping up:

In fifth place with 590 votes, rebounding from an earlier displacement: Robert F. Kennedy, Jr;

Holding at fourth place, with 660 votes: The News Media;

Dropping down to third place, a late entry into the race with 1395 votes: President-Elect Elon Musk; 

Advancing to a very close second place on the strength of a sudden surge, with 1410 votes: former Florida representative and all-round despicable character Matt Gaetz; and,

Remaining in first place, with a commanding lead of 11,600 votes: The American Electorate.

Several other nominees have received smaller numbers of votes, among them Der Furor's Spokesogre Stephen Cheung (pushed out of fifth place at this update), The Government of Israel, The 118th Congress, three-time Ass Clown of the Year winner Mitch McConnell, and Czar of All Russia Vladimir Putin. Oddly enough, as of the time of this writing, Der Furor himself has received no votes.

You have less than 48 hours remaining to vote, so make sure your voice is heard: vote early, vote often, and help in our annual campaign to shine the light of condemnation on the most execrable ass clowns. 

This year's campaign ends at midnight tomorrow, and the tinfoil and toilet paper crown will be awarded on New Year's Day, Wednesday, January 1st!

Have a good day and vote now! More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Musical Sunday

Christmas is over for another year, but we can see the season out with this gorgeous rendition by the Celtic Women of a classic tune …

Happy almost-End of the Holidays. See you later with more thoughts. 

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

I don't know about you, but I'm ready to hit the eject button on this verkakte year ... 

Der Furor continued his program of distraction from the emptiness of his economic campaign promises by threatening aggression against another three countries in addition to Mexico: Canada, Panama, and Greenland; 38 passengers were killed and the remaining 29 injured when Russian air defenses apparently shot down an Azerbaijani airliner; a NASA research probe has made history by making the closest-ever approach to the sun; after nearly 250 years as the unofficial US national bird, the bald eagle formally received that designation in a law signed by President Biden on December 23rd; and in Warren, Ohio, police are searching for a man who stole more than $600 worth of printer ink from a local Sam's Club ... they hope to recover both ink cartridges soon. 

For our final Cartoon Saturday of the year, how about some New Year's-themed cartoons, eh?

Sometimes, vague is better ... 

This one goes back a few years, but is still spot-on ...

How our four-legged friends see things ...

I'm down with that!!

I surely do wish this would work ...

It's more of a meme than a cartoon, but I think Ms Parker's 1929 observation applies equally well in 2024 ...

I'd agree with this approach to ringing out 2024 ...

It's another meme, but it matches my mood ...

I never knew Mark Twain (I'm not that old!), but I think I'd have liked him ...

I wonder if my formal lounging sweats still fit ...

And that's it for your last Cartoon Saturday of 2024. Let's hope that 2025 will be better, but let's also keep our emotional powder dry.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when we observe the final Musical Sunday of the year. See you then! 

Bilbo

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for December, 2024

Well, Dear Readers, we've come down to the final Ass Clown Award of the year ...

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for December, 2024

It's been a difficult year for this award, not because of a lack of worthy nominees, but rather because of an overwhelming tsunami of potential winners. From politics to religion to the media to society at large, it's been a year of towering achievements in ass clownery, making each selection an exercise in hand-wringing desperation. But be that as it may, you depend on me to single out the winners, and I'm obligated to rise to the task.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, our final ass clown awardee for 2024 is

The 118th Congress

The 118th Congress is, by some measures, the most unproductive in decades, if not ever. From the ludicrous bureaucratic knife-fighting among House Republicans over the Speakership to the self-inflicted wounds of useless and ignorant poison-pill legislation, to the inability to simply pass a budget, to the craven submission to end-of-year pressure by President-Elect Musk and Junior Co-President Der Furor, Congress became a national and international laughingstock whose main achievement seemed to be allowing Italy to point to a nation with a more unstable government*. 

But how is Congressional productivity measured? Most media coverage of Congress’s productivity uses the number of bills passed into law as a yardstick. But this is an overly simplistic approach because it considers all bills, regardless of substance, as equally important. For instance, a measure naming a post office counts the same as a declaration of war or a multi-billion dollar spending bill, or major tax legislation. 

The raw number of bills passed also ignores the fact that since World War II, Congress has tended to pass fewer, but longer bills, such as the gigantic omnibus spending packages that have replaced the larger number of individual funding bills that were traditionally negotiated and passed. 

But it's the yardstick we have, and with it we can look at the statistics provided by LegiScan for the 118th Congress:

Number of Laws Passed (with a PL Number): 158

Number of Laws Which Named Public Facilities, Directed Award of Congressional Gold Medals, etc:  45**

This means that, in two years, the 118th Congress passed 113 pieces of legislation that - for better or worse - directly affected some segment of the American people. That works out to roughly 56 laws per year, or 5 per month.

Five pieces of meaningful legislation per month doesn't seem like very much, considering that each member of Congress has a staff of people to help with the research and writing, plus the resources of the Library of Congress and the Congressional Research Service, plus countless swarms of lobbyists eager to do the work of writing legislation so that the members don't screw it up. Of course, the relentless demands of political fund-raising, a slothful schedule (on average, 123 working days per year for the House and 144 for the Senate), and the need to bloviate every time the cameras are on eat into the time available for actual legislative work. 

What more can I say?

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the final Ass Clown Awardee for 2024, the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for December, is the 118th Congress. That grinding noise you hear is the Founders rolling over in their graves.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for the last Cartoon Saturday of 2024. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* Italy has had 69 governments since the end of World War II, each lasting an average of 1.11 years.

** This is my count, which I think is accurate, but which was done by counting lines of small print on four pages of entries using my tired old eyes. 

Ass Clown of the Year Voting Update

Well, friends, I hope you have had a wonderful start to your Holiday season, however you choose to celebrate! Even as we today celebrate Boxing Day and the next day of Hanukkah (sp?), we have to keep up with the work of seeking out and heaping dishonor upon that one deserving ass clown worthy of designation as Ass Clown of the Year.

The voting continues hot and heavy, and with less than a week to go, here are the current standings:

Slipping from third to fifth place, with 575 votes: Der Furor's Spokesogre Stephen Cheung;

Holding at fourth place, with 615 votes: The News Media;

In third place, making a strong break into the race with 880 votes: former Florida representative and all-round despicable character Matt Gaetz; 

Still in second place, with 1350 votes: President-Elect Elon Musk; and,

Remaining in first place, with a commanding lead of 11,300 votes: The American Electorate, given a strong boost by a dump of 10,000 votes from Mike. His compliance with the rules may be questionable, but his opinion certainly is not.

You have less than a week of voting opportunities left, so make sure your voice is heard: vote early, vote often, and help in our annual campaign to heap opprobrium on the most deserving ass clowns. 

The 2024 campaign ends at midnight on December 31st, and the tinfoil and toilet paper crown will be awarded on New Year's Day, Wednesday, January 1st!

Have a good day and vote now! More thoughts tomorrow, when we will announce the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for December - the final Ass Clown award for 2024 ... be sure to check it out and see if you need to adjust your votes!

Bilbo

Christmas Day, 2024, Guest Post

Merry Christmas!

Those of you who have been following this blog for a longer time will remember our beloved Chocolate Lab Nessa, who was a frequent guest poster offering her dog's-eye view of current events. Nessa crossed the Rainbow Bridge a long time ago, but I recently rediscovered her 2010 Christmas guest post, which I think is worth revisiting now, 14 years later. I have not edited her post to account for changes since then ...

Hey there, once again. It's me, Nessa!

Bilbo and Agnes are still asleep, because they had a pretty strenuous day yesterday spending Christmas Eve with their grandchildren who live nearby. So I thought I'd just let them sleep and take a few minutes to give you a dog's spin on this whole Christmas thing.

I haven't quite figured the whole thing out yet, but I gather that it has something to do with the master you worship. I, of course, adore Bilbo, but other dogs worship their own masters, and we all seem to get along fine ... unlike you humans, who often seem to hate people who worship a different master. How dumb is that?

There appears to be a story about a baby born in a manger (I think the story's called a nativity or something like that), and a team of kings that came a long way and brought gifts and stuff because they somehow knew this baby was special. I happen to think all babies are special, and part of a dog's job is to protect them and sit patiently while they pull our fur and tug on our ears and tails and stuff. By the way, did you ever notice that there aren't any dogs in any of these things you humans call "nativity scenes?" What's up with that?

Well anyway, because the kings brought gifts for this special baby (I heard one of them even brought frankfurters, yum!), you humans now seem to think that it's important to give each other gifts, too. I sometimes go to the store with Bilbo and Agnes to guard the car while they buy stuff, and I'm really amazed at how much you people buy. Everybody's talking about how bad this recession thing is, but it doesn't seem to be stopping them from buying lots of things. And do you know what? I spend a lot of time guarding the house from the front window, and I see a lot of this shiny new stuff being carried away by the trash man in just a few months (even though I bark at him). Does he give you your money back when you give him your things?

Everybody seems to want to visit everybody else at this time of year, too. I have to be on my best alert level so I can bark hysterically when someone comes to the door with cookies or bread or something for Bilbo and Agnes - after all, they need to know someone is at the door, and sometimes there are dog treats in there for me, too (since all the neighbors know me). Sometimes the people who come to the door stay to visit, and I put on my best Sorrowful Lab Look^TM so that they'll share stuff with me.

I've also noticed that television is a lot different at this time of year. I spend a lot of time watching things on TV with my head in Bilbo's or Agnes's lap, and it always amazes me how many of your TV shows are devoted to people hurting and killing each other, and cars chasing around and people shooting and screaming and threatening each other. Why on earth do you like to watch that stuff? At Christmas time, though, for about a week the TV brings cheerful and uplifting stories about love and goodness and happiness. I like that. But one week out of 52 in a year? I've gotta tell you, if I were human (and I'm glad I'm not) I wouldn't want to watch a lot of that stuff.

I already told you my thoughts about all the Christmas decorations and lights and stuff in my last guest post, so I won't go into that now. I'll just say that I'm glad Bilbo didn't put up one of those stupid, lighted-up deer in the yard. They're no fun, because they don't run away when I bark at them, and if they don't run away, I can't chase them and crash around in the woods and find smelly stuff to roll around in so that Bilbo gets all spun up and Agnes makes him take me in the shower with him. That's fun! I know most dogs wouldn't like it, but we Labs are water dogs, so bring it on!

Well, I think that's about all for now. Bilbo and Agnes will be getting up and eating their breakfast pretty soon, and I need to position myself carefully in the kitchen so that I get my share of whatever they're eating. Then they have some friends coming for a visit and dinner later, so I need to get ready to announce their arrival and then make sure they always know where I am in case they need to dispose of any extra treats or food or toys or anything.

It isn't easy being a dog at Christmas, but I think I'm up to the challenge.

On behalf of dogs everywhere, I hope you all have a Merry Christmas, whichever master you worship. And don't forget us while you're at it. You may not love each other except this one time a year, but you can always count on us to love you, no matter what.

Woof!

Nessa

Christmas Eve, 2024

Today is Tuesday, December 24th, the day of Christmas Eve, when millions of people across the nation and the world frantically await the arrival of the elves from FedEx and UPS and Amazon with gifts bought online that were "guaranteed" to arrive by Christmas. Tonight, children will set out milk and cookies for Santa and desperately try to stay up late in hopes of seeing him, parents will grow ulcers as they try to deal with the toy for which "some assembly (is) required*," and stores will sell out of the batteries they didn't realize they needed for that toy they had to assemble.

The tradition of gift-giving at Christmas goes back to the biblical story of the Three Wise Men, who followed a star to the address at which they were to leave their packages, after drawing a charcoal sketch of the package in place to prove delivery ...

Of course, were The Three Wise Men to seek their goal nowadays, things might be a bit different ...

They might even resort to staying home and figuring out whether gold, frankincense, and myrrh qualify for overnight free delivery to Bethlehem. 

Ah, the holidays!

Tomorrow is Christmas Day, and there'll be a guest post to mark the occasion. I'll just warn you to be careful if you plan to go out today - not just because the stores will all be madhouses (despite online shopping), parking lots will look like the beaches of 1944 Normandy, and drivers will be more distracted than usual, but because all too many of your fellow Christmas shoppers will arrogantly and petulantly engage in behavior** that will mean some families next Christmas will have fewer people around the tree and the table.

And I want to see you all safe and happy tomorrow.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* It helps to have a degree in mechanical engineering.

** For example, refusal to vaccinate, strident and unyielding political views, and insistence on packing maximum iron at all times.

Ass Clown of the Year Voting Update

Well, friends, the Ass Clown of the Year voting has been underway for a week now, and with just a week more to go, here are the current standings:

In fifth place, with 50 votes: Robert F. Kennedy, Jr;

In fourth place, with 100 votes: The News Media;

In third place, with 225 votes: Der Furor's Spokesogre Stephen Cheung;

In second place, with 800 votes: President-Elect Elon Musk; and,

In first place, with a towering 1150 votes: The American Electorate.

There's another week of voting opportunity left, so make sure your voice is heard: vote early, vote often, and help in our annual campaign to heap opprobrium on the most deserving ass clowns. Voting ends at midnight on December 31st, and the tinfoil and toilet paper crown will be awarded on Wednesday, January 1st!

Do it now!

Have a good day and be sure to come back tomorrow for the update of our traditional Christmas Eve post. More thoughts then.

Bilbo