The Art of Conversation

Last Monday in this space we discussed the idea of lost skills - the things our grandparents were able to do that we today generally can't. It generated some interesting discussion in the comments and on Facebook and, as if it were a popular TV show, has led to a spinoff ... this post.

Number 11 on the list of lost skills was Socializing Like a Human, the idea being that not many people nowadays can carry on a conversation without the aid of some electronic device. In this context, my daughter had asked me a while back what I thought made someone a good conversationalist ... here's what I told her (augmented with what I should have told her but didn't think of at the time):

1. Be a good listener. Carrying on a conversation doesn't just mean being able to talk a lot ... it means being able to pick up on conversational cues and steer the discussion in mutually interesting and enjoyable directions. By paying attention to what your conversational partner says, you learn what he thinks is interesting and can keep the repartee fresh.

2. Read widely. Keeping up on current affairs always gives you something new to talk about.

3. Read things you don't agree with. One of the big problems we have nowadays is that people tend to only read or watch things that reflect their own interests and political, social, or religious preferences. This simply reinforces existing beliefs and keeps us from finding possible areas of agreement with others. If you find yourself in a heated discussion on some issue, having some degree of understanding of (if not agreement with) the beliefs of the other person helps you to keep the discussion on an intellectual level and minimize rancor.

4. Watch body language - yours and theirs. If you're talking with a person whose arms are crossed, eyes are wandering, or toes are nervously tapping the floor, you're probably losing their interest. By the same token, you should maintain an open posture and good eye contact to let the other person know that you are open to what they have to say and are focused on the discussion.

5. Know how to agreeably disagree*. Being a good conversationalist doesn't mean always doing the drinking duck, agreeing with everything the other person says. Feel free to disagree, but do it in a way that keeps the conversation going instead of slamming the door on it. Instead of saying something like, "How on earth could you possibly believe that horse hockey?", say something like, "I'm not sure I agree with that ... what makes you think so?" The first version tells the other person you don't agree and she's an idiot; the second tells her you don't agree, but offers her the opportunity to keep the conversation going by explaining the position. You may still disagree, but you've kept the conversation on a friendly basis. Here's a summary of good information about how to disagree.

6. Make the other person feel important. This builds on #1 and #4 above. If you're busy sending text messages, reading your e-mail, or watching what's going on around you instead of concentrating on the person with whom you're talking, you've told the other person that they aren't interesting enough to hold your attention, and you've killed the conversation. If you are talking with someone, put away the smart phone, maintain eye contact, and make him the focus of your full attention.

7. Have a few good, clean jokes in your hip pocket. Everybody loves to laugh, and a good joke can be used to break the ice, relieve tension, and keep everyone in a good humor. Steer away from jokes about topics which can easily give offense, like religion, politics, and ethnic stereotypes. Puns and silly observations are good, dirty limericks are usually a poor choice.

8. Know how to end the conversation. If you're in a casual conversation at a party or happy hour and want to move on to talk with someone else, don't just wander off. Let the other person know you've enjoyed talking with them and leave the door open for future contact. If you've learned something interesting, tell them; if you've disagreed, suggest that you may want to meet again another time to pursue the discussion. You want to leave the other person wanting to talk with you again.

It's going to be a while before we have this useful tool ...

... so it behooves us to master the vanishing art of good conversation.

Have a good day. Let's get together and talk about it sometime.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* For good examples of how not to disagree, read the comments posted to almost any online news story. Trolls are never good conversationalists.

The Word of the Year for 2013

You may have heard that the venerable Oxford Dictionaries has announced its Word of the Year for 2013: the noun selfie, defined as "a photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically with a smartphone or webcam, and uploaded to a social media website."

Here is a great selfie I found online ...

There were a few runners-up for the Word of the Year crown. Some of them (with my comments) were:

binge-watch (verb) : to watch multiple episodes of a television program in rapid succession, typically by means of DVDs or digital streaming. I've done this with Lost and am doing it with the first season of Game of Thrones.

bitcoin (noun): a digital currency in which transactions can be performed without the need for a central bank. Also, a unit of bitcoin. I have enough trouble earning real money, without worrying about imaginary money.

olinguito (noun): a small furry mammal found in mountain forests in Colombia and Ecuador, the smallest member of the raccoon family. When I first saw the word, I thought it referred to a type of oral sex performed by midgets. Sorry.

schmeat (noun): a form of meat produced synthetically from biological tissue. I can just see Charlton Heston screaming, "Soylent Green is made out of SCHMEAT!!"

showrooming (noun): the practice of visiting a shop or shops in order to examine a product before buying it online at a lower price. This is what we used to call comparison shopping, just with the digital twist.

And finally we have the word I'd have picked as the word of the year had it been my decision -

twerk (verb): to dance to popular music in a sexually provocative manner involving thrusting hip movements and a low, squatting stance. Thank you, Miley Cyrus. I was going to include a link to the infamous video clip, but there might be children reading this, and Mike tends to be impressionable. Just Google Miley Cyrus twerk and watch from between your fingers. So to speak.

Are there any new words from the past year that caught your attention? Leave a comment. We can always stand to expand our vocabularies.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Lost Skills

My friend Marilyn posted a link to this interesting article on her Facebook page yesterday: 13 Skills Your Grandparents Had That You Don't, by Justin Abarca. It's not just interesting, but funny and scary. Here are the 13 skills, with my commentary ...

1. The ability to write legibly. I've written about this in my blog before ... nowadays, almost no one knows how to write legibly in cursive script. We type our letters, text our SMSs, send short e-mails full of weird abbreviations ... but we can't write. It's a shame.

2. Memorizing more than two phone numbers. This is very true. We enter all the numbers into our smart phones once, and then just select them with a single stroke of the finger. Lose the phone, and we have no idea how to reach all the people whose numbers we've carefully stored.

3. Knowing how to use a phone book. If we need a particular service, we Google it and find the number online. Nobody knows how to figure out the best description of a service and find it in the Yellow Pages*.

4. The most basic of auto maintenance. When something goes wrong, we deliver the car to the shop or call the AAA to come and save us. I can change a tire, do a jump-start, and change the oil and filter (assuming the auto maker has put the filter in a place I can reach it without removing the engine). Beyond that, forget it. Many years ago, I actually replaced the ignition key unit in Agnes's car after a clueless colleague had broken off the key in it (!) ... I even amazed myself.

5. The most basic of home maintenance. I admit it ... I'm the most inept of handymen. I can do very simple electrical things like replacing a switch or an electrical outlet, and simple plumbing things like fixing a leak in a standard faucet or replacing the flush unit of a toilet ... beyond that, forget it. I once actually replaced our garbage disposal (although it took two days and nearly led to Agnes leaving me).

6. The ability to read and use a real, handheld, paper map. This one, I can do. But where do you get a paper map any more? Every gas station used to hand them out for free, and we all knew how to use them. Nowadays, if the satellite navigation device craps out, you'll end up as the 21st century version of the Flying Dutchman.

7. Knowing how to tie multiple types of knots. I think this one may actually be making a comeback, thanks to the 50 Shades of Grey stories.

8. Writing a check properly. Who writes checks any more? I use my debit card and online bill payment for almost everything except the mortgage payment and the monthly rent on our storage unit (that one is a long story).

9. Knowing how to sew more than a button. When I lived in Berlin, I knew a fellow who made his own shirts and was a wizard at repairing damaged clothes. For my own part, I can replace buttons and fix minor rips and tears. Agnes is very good at sewing ... she made many of her own competition dance gowns, and has made me several shirts. Most other women and virtually all men I know can't sew a stitch.

10. Knowing how to raise crops and livestock. I'm a pretty good amateur gardener, particularly for herbs (I gave up on most vegetables because I couldn't keep up with the rabbits and other animals that viewed my garden as an all-you-can-eat buffet). I would be lost if I had to raise an animal for food or butcher it properly.

11. Socializing like a human. Very few people can carry on a wide-ranging and interesting conversation any more unless it's done via handheld device. This is sad. A few years back, I went to a blogger's happy hour at which eight of us sat around the table and seven of the eight were almost constantly thumbing their Blackberries or smart phones. Who actually talks any more? My daughter asked me the other day what I thought makes a person a good conversationalist ... it was an interesting question, which I will address in a future post.

12. Being creative. This post is, sadly, an example. I took someone else's idea and built on it. I do think, though, that I'm essentially a pretty creative person. At the very least, I have a very vivid imagination ... which can be both a blessing and a curse.

13. Partner dancing without being gross. Think Miley Cyrus. One of the wonderful things about ballroom dancing is that it allows a socially acceptable level of intimacy between friends, and helps cultivate good manners, coordination, and musicality. If all you can do is the basic American male clutch-and-shuffle, you're missing out on something grand.

Are there any other lost skills you can think of? Leave me a comment. And consider trying to recover some of those lost skills ... you may enjoy them, and who knows? - they may well come in useful.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* And this means the the Yellow Pages Game will soon disappear. If you don't know what the Yellow Pages Game is, ask me.

Gems from the World of Print

You may recall from yesterday that today is going to be a very busy day for Agnes and I, and so I have opted to do a fairly simple and straightforward post today. From the never-ending, bottomless well of great moments in editing and weird things found in print, here are a few head-scratchers for your reading pleasure:

"Sporty enough to share"? Perhaps they should come with a "best by" date on the label ...

Thanks, but I'll wait for the lemonade ...

Drat! I needed the square ones ...

I think I've ridden in this taxi before ...

There's just nothing I can say about this one ...

There are eight million stories in the naked city ... I'd love to hear how this one turned out ...

Well, with climate change upon us, we may need to make a few adjustments ...

You can find some of the most amazing things on a Chinese menu ...

I wonder if the Jewish one is more expensive ...

Well, where else would they be from? ...

And there you have it ... another selection of odd things that have found their way into print.

And now I have to put the finishing touches on my notes for the Showcase I'm emceeing this afternoon. Being an emcee is the best job at a dance showcase ... all I have to do is talk and be a ham, which is what I do best. I don't have to worry about remembering routines, keeping in time with the music, leading, and all that other stuff that drove me crazy back when Agnes and I were competing and doing exhibitions. AND somebody else worries about cuing the music. 

It doesn't get much better than that!

Have a good day, and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

And away we go* ...

The kinder, gentler Chinese government announced this week that it will relax its strict one-child policy and abolish its network of labor camps; in Syria, fighters aligned with al Qaeda announced that they had mistakenly beheaded one of their own fighters, mistaking him for a supporter of the Asad regime; an enormous iceberg, twice the size of the city of Atlanta, has broken off an Antarctic glacier and is drifting toward busy shipping lanes; four Marines were killed at Camp Pendleton, California, during a range maintenance operation; and in the Philippines, the death toll from super typhoon Haiyan is more than 3,000, with hundreds of thousands of people injured and homeless.

After a week this yucky, we need to roll out the cartoons fast!

This week's theme cartoons focus on something we all enjoy from time to time ... dining in restaurants. Sometimes, you may not want a table beside certain parties,  such as...

and ...

Sometimes the restaurant is hopping, and you might have to wait a while for service ...

You may want to avoid certain restaurants ...

And, as always, it helps to read the fine print on the menu ...

Frankenstein, 2013 ...

My nephew Ed keeps an eye out for cartoons he thinks I'll enjoy - like this one ...

For my friends who are librarians and general lovers of books ...

I wonder if the Second Amendment covers this ...

And finally for this week, a cartoon that's spot on ...

It's going to be a busy weekend ... today we need to start the housecleaning and getting ready for our early family Thanksgiving next weekend, when my sister and her family will come down to help us annoy the neighbors; and tomorrow Agnes and I will be enjoying Sunday brunch with my co-workers at the Ft Belvoir Officers' Club, and after that I'll be emceeing the Fall Dance Showcase at Dance Studio Lioudmila. Somewhere in there, I'll try to squeeze in a nap.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* With apologies to the late Jackie Gleason.

Clip Art Friday

I have a few other things to do before heading out to spend some quality time with my dentist ...

So I thought that I'd just share a few of the more interesting recent bits of clip art I've found online.

This one is for all you science fiction buffs out there ... a to-scale compilation of space ships from popular sci-fi movies and television shows. Click it to big it; if you can't make it big enough, check it out here ...

It's been said that everyone has 20/20 hindsight. Here's the proof ...

I'll let you know if I ever have one of these days, too ...

You may recall my having written a few years ago about my love affair with pens. There's a reason to love your pens and keep them safe ... if you lose them, you might die ...

And finally, I don't know if I've ever posted this before, but just in case you haven't seen it, here is a handy flowchart to help you sort out all those conspiracy theories out there (again, click it to enbigerate it, or check it out here if you can't make it large enough) ...

You are always welcome to share the cool clip art and such that you find online (or find and scan). Send copies to der(underscore)blogmeister(at)yahoo(dot)com and I'll give you credit for the find.

Have a good day. Come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday.

Bilbo

Of Bliviots, Senatorpedos, and Euphemisms for Death

A few days ago on Facebook, my old* high-school friend Pepper asked my opinion of a neologism** she'd coined: bliviot, meaning a blowhard, oblivious idiot. As you might suspect, I loved it ... it is an amazingly versatile and tremendously useful word, particularly in the context of modern American politics, and I do believe I am in semantic love with Pepper.

Pepper's coining of the word bliviot came on the heels of a recent Washington Post Style Invitational contest in which entrants were challenged to come up with words containing the letters SANE together in any order. The winning entry was senatorpedo, defined as "a Cruz missile." As used in a sentence: "The tea party’s vaunted senatorpedo self-destructed shortly after its launch."

Words are wonderful things, aren't they? We discussed puns in this space the other day, and in her most recent post, Angel wrote about some of the euphemisms for death used in her home-town newspaper, the New Orleans Times-Picayune. As I noted in the comment I left on that post, I have a large collection of euphemisms for death that I've collected over the years. Here are a few ...

Some Julia Child euphemisms for death:

Has Reservations at the Chateau Eternity;

Sleeping with the Quiches;

Marinating in Soil and Worms;  

  

Promoted to Subterranean Truffle Inspector; and,

Basting the Formaldehyde Turkey.

Some sports euphemisms for death:

On the unable to breathe list;

Tailgating with Jesus;

Taking a congratulatory phone call from President Taft;

Jockeying for position in the dirt derby;

Went to see the fat lady in concert; and,

Really stuck her dismount.

And finally, a few online euphemisms for death:

Clicked the bucket;

www.he's-dead,-jim.com;

Visiting the Chat Tomb; and,

404ever, Pulse Not Found.

And lest I get too wordy, we'll just stop here.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* By which I mean, "witty and beautiful."

** First meaning only!

The Ass Clown of the Month for November, 2013

We announced our Ass Clown of the Month dishonoree for October on the second day of the month - relatively early to make such a profound choice, but the selection was obvious at the time: the US Congress, with special recognition to the GOP. For November, there are still lots of potential candidates (still including the US Congress and the GOP), but the proper choice was less clear. Nevertheless, we must make a selection, and so - with a roll of drums, a blare of trumpets, and a thundering chorus of boos - we announce our selection for the Ass Clown of the Month for November, 2013:

Rob Ford

Mayor of Toronto, Canada

After months of dodging allegations that he had smoked crack while in office, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford admitted that the reports were true ... probably because the Toronto police had a video showing him smoking a crack pipe. The mayor said it was probably just the result of a drunken stupor.

But although he has admitted not just to smoking crack while serving as the mayor of a major city but to doing so "in a drunken stupor," Mayor Ford is not only rejecting calls for his resignation, but says he plans to run for re-election next year.

Rob Ford is a politician worthy of a major American city ... like Washington, DC, which has also had a famously crack-smoking mayor* who refuses to go away.

For blatant illegal use of drugs, lying to his constituents, and insisting on running for reelection after admitting to it all, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is designated as our Ass Clown of the Month.

Crack-smoking politicians ... it's the wave of the future.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* That would be former mayor Marion Barry, who is still serving as a member of the DC Council.

Pun Training

Over the weekend we drove up to Calvert Cliffs State Park in Maryland with our daughter and the local grandchildren. It was a fun, if exhausting day ... after an hour or so of steady and energetic play on the recycled tire playground, we hiked the 1.8 miles down to the beach to search for fossils and shells. This is not an overly long distance unless you are carrying a tired child, and it is a little-known law of physics that the weight of a child increases geometrically with the distance she is to be carried. We were a bit worn out at the end of the day, while the girls had their second wind and were raring to go.

But the real topic of this post is not the sheer joy of carrying a six-year-old in damp, sandy clothes on your shoulders, but puns.

One of the topics of discussion during the ride back from the park was puns. You know that I love puns*, as do most of the members of my family, and my daughter was wistfully wishing I'd taught her more of the art of punning so that she could, in turn, teach it to Leya and Elise. Leya is at the age where she loves jokes, but doesn't yet understand what makes a joke funny, or how to tell it. She enjoys knock-knock jokes and can tell them endlessly, but doesn't understand the concept of the pun that underlies them. Here's an example:

Leya: Knock-knock!

Me: Who's there?

Leya: Elephant.

Me: Elephant who?

Leya: There's an elephant in the refrigerator and he's eating all your yogurt!

Me: (laughs hysterically, because that's what grandparents do)

I have been trying to get Leya to understand the idea that what makes a pun funny is it's use of a word in an unexpected way that makes use of its sound, rather than its meaning ...

Me: "Leya, what would you call a man who is digging in his yard with a shovel?"

Leya: "I don't know."

Me: "Doug Holes."

Leya: "?"

Me: "'Doug' is a man's name. And 'dug' also means making holes. So the man's name would be 'Doug Holes.'"

Leya: (laughs hysterically, then proceeds to generate an endless series of meaningless jokes using the word "dug.")

My Daughter: (looks at me with that "nice try, Opa" look that she reserves for my most egregious missteps)

Agnes: (continues to nap in the back seat)

So, how do you explain puns to a six-year-old? The only way I know is to tell lots of really obvious jokes and be prepared to explain in nauseating detail why they're funny ... and to be prepared to laugh at a lot of jokes that only make sense to a young child.

Because, of course, that's what grandparents do.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* As do many of you. See also my post from last month titled "I Know What You Do."

I Resign

Dear Readers,

Having carefully observed the condition of the nation and the world, and the day-to-day lives of my grandchildren, I have decided to issue the following declaration ...

To Whom It May Concern:

I hereby officially tender my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of a six-year-old instead.

I want to go to McDonald's and think it's a four-star restaurant.

I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples with rocks.

I want to think Skittles are better than money, because you can eat them.

I want to play kickball during recess and paint with watercolors in the park.

I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, addition tables and simple nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care.

I want to return to a time when all you knew was to be happy because you didn't know all the things that should make you worried and upset.

I want to think that the world is fair, and that everyone in it is honest and good.

I want to believe that anything is possible.

Somewhere along the way as I passed too quickly through my youth, I learned too much. I learned about nuclear weapons, greed, war, prejudice, starvation and abused children.

I learned about lies, unhappy marriages, suffering, illness, pain and death.

I learned about a world where men left their families to go and fight for their country, and returned only to end up living on the streets begging for their next meal.

I learned about a world where children were taught how to kill.

What happened to the time when we thought that everyone would live forever, because we didn't grasp the concept of death? When we thought the worst thing in the world was if someone took the jump rope from you, or picked you last for kickball? I want to be oblivious to the complexity of life and be overly excited by little things once again.

I want to return to the days when reading was fun, and music was clean. When television was used to report the news or for family entertainment and not to promote sex, violence and deceit.

I remember being naive and thinking that everyone was happy because I was. I would walk on the beach and only think of the sand between my toes and the prettiest seashell I could find. I would spend my afternoons climbing trees and riding my bike. I didn't worry about time, bills, or where I was going to find the money to fix my car, pay my rent, or go to the doctor when I was sick. I used to wonder what I was going to do or be when I grew up, not worry about what I'll do if that didn't work out.

I want to live simply again. I don't want my days to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, suspense dates, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness and loss of loved ones.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind and making angels in the snow.

I want to jump in big piles of leaves and think it's the funnest thing in the world.

I want to be six again.

Thank you.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo