Word for the Day

I ran across an interesting article the other day (as I often do): 23 Names of Emotions You Feel, but Can’t Explain, which led me to the Word of the Day for today:

Anecdoche

It's defined in the article by James Sama as, "A conversation in which everyone is talking, but nobody is listening."

It's a great word for this raucous and uninspiring election season. And I would add a new word of my own to describe an individual carrying on such a useless conversation:

Anecdouche

There are, after all, a vast number of them nowadays, and they deserve their own word.

Have a good day. Don't get caught up in an anecdoche with an anecdouche, and you'll be happier and better adjusted.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Graceful Degradation

Many years ago as a young and impressionable Air Force officer I was introduced to an interesting, if somewhat frightening concept – graceful degradation.

Graceful degradation is the ability of a computer, machine, electronic system or network to maintain the greatest possible degree of functionality even when a large portion of it has been destroyed or rendered inoperative. This may be done by reducing emphasis on less-important activities, or by turning off non-essential systems or functions to devote full system resources to more important areas.  The purpose of graceful degradation is to prevent catastrophic failure.

So this got me to thinking* about how we might employ the concept of graceful degradation to reduce the risk of catastrophic failure in various other areas …

Congress. It’s probably too late to prevent catastrophic failure, but we could probably ameliorate the damage by turning off such non-essential, resource-wasting subroutines as the Republican Study Committee and the Republican and the Democratic leadership of both houses.

The Legal System. Mandate trial by combat to the death between the opposing attorneys for any lawsuit over a certain dollar limit. $5.00 should do it. This would have the dual benefit of reducing both the case backlog and the lawyer infestation.

Elections. (1) Install flow regulators to adjust the speed and volume of cash flowing through the political system, similar to the systems used in aircraft to ensure that fuel is evenly distributed to improve weight and balance. (2) Require candidates for office to actually demonstrate a working knowledge of the Constitution**, basic economics, history, science, and logical thinking. (3) Dynamite the Washington, DC, headquarters of every second lobbying firm.

Tax Reform. Require every member of Congress to personally calculate his or her own taxes every year, with a penalty of ten years in prison and a fine of $50,000 for use of an accountant or tax lawyer. The tax code would be simplified in a matter of weeks, and we'd get rid of some useless elected reprehensives for a few years.

I'm quite sure there are other things we could do to gracefully degrade some of the problems we face and prevent catastrophic failure. What suggestions do you have? Leave a comment.

Have a good day. Degrade gracefully.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* And you know how dangerous that is.

** Knowing the Second Amendment by heart does not count. 

Highly Specialized Headgear

When I was growing up in the 50's and 60's, men still wore hats. Nowadays, not so much, except on special occasions. There are lots of different kinds of hats. There's the bowler* ...

The boater ...

And the top hat ...

And there are specialized sorts of hats, like the military shako ...

And the kepi ...

And the German Pickelhaube** ...

And the more modern versions of the military helmet, like this one ...

And there are the really specialized hats, like the diving helmet ...

And the beer hat ...

But there's also a fairly new sort of headgear that has gained great popularity, particularly in Congress and the echo chambers of the extreme media ... the asshat***.

The man in the photograph is a professional asshat. Do not try this at home.

Have a good day. Wear normal hats. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* You may remember the evil henchman Oddjob in the James Bond film "Goldfinger," whose weapon of  choice was a bowler with a razor-sharp brim that he threw like a frisbee.

** Yes, I own one. It's way cool.

*** The Urban Dictionary defines an asshat as, "One whose head is so far up their rear end it could pass for a hat; used to describe a person who is stubborn, cruel, or otherwise unpleasant to be around." 

The Word of the Year for 2013

You may have heard that the venerable Oxford Dictionaries has announced its Word of the Year for 2013: the noun selfie, defined as "a photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically with a smartphone or webcam, and uploaded to a social media website."

Here is a great selfie I found online ...

There were a few runners-up for the Word of the Year crown. Some of them (with my comments) were:

binge-watch (verb) : to watch multiple episodes of a television program in rapid succession, typically by means of DVDs or digital streaming. I've done this with Lost and am doing it with the first season of Game of Thrones.

bitcoin (noun): a digital currency in which transactions can be performed without the need for a central bank. Also, a unit of bitcoin. I have enough trouble earning real money, without worrying about imaginary money.

olinguito (noun): a small furry mammal found in mountain forests in Colombia and Ecuador, the smallest member of the raccoon family. When I first saw the word, I thought it referred to a type of oral sex performed by midgets. Sorry.

schmeat (noun): a form of meat produced synthetically from biological tissue. I can just see Charlton Heston screaming, "Soylent Green is made out of SCHMEAT!!"

showrooming (noun): the practice of visiting a shop or shops in order to examine a product before buying it online at a lower price. This is what we used to call comparison shopping, just with the digital twist.

And finally we have the word I'd have picked as the word of the year had it been my decision -

twerk (verb): to dance to popular music in a sexually provocative manner involving thrusting hip movements and a low, squatting stance. Thank you, Miley Cyrus. I was going to include a link to the infamous video clip, but there might be children reading this, and Mike tends to be impressionable. Just Google Miley Cyrus twerk and watch from between your fingers. So to speak.

Are there any new words from the past year that caught your attention? Leave a comment. We can always stand to expand our vocabularies.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Of Bliviots, Senatorpedos, and Euphemisms for Death

A few days ago on Facebook, my old* high-school friend Pepper asked my opinion of a neologism** she'd coined: bliviot, meaning a blowhard, oblivious idiot. As you might suspect, I loved it ... it is an amazingly versatile and tremendously useful word, particularly in the context of modern American politics, and I do believe I am in semantic love with Pepper.

Pepper's coining of the word bliviot came on the heels of a recent Washington Post Style Invitational contest in which entrants were challenged to come up with words containing the letters SANE together in any order. The winning entry was senatorpedo, defined as "a Cruz missile." As used in a sentence: "The tea party’s vaunted senatorpedo self-destructed shortly after its launch."

Words are wonderful things, aren't they? We discussed puns in this space the other day, and in her most recent post, Angel wrote about some of the euphemisms for death used in her home-town newspaper, the New Orleans Times-Picayune. As I noted in the comment I left on that post, I have a large collection of euphemisms for death that I've collected over the years. Here are a few ...

Some Julia Child euphemisms for death:

Has Reservations at the Chateau Eternity;

Sleeping with the Quiches;

Marinating in Soil and Worms;  

  

Promoted to Subterranean Truffle Inspector; and,

Basting the Formaldehyde Turkey.

Some sports euphemisms for death:

On the unable to breathe list;

Tailgating with Jesus;

Taking a congratulatory phone call from President Taft;

Jockeying for position in the dirt derby;

Went to see the fat lady in concert; and,

Really stuck her dismount.

And finally, a few online euphemisms for death:

Clicked the bucket;

www.he's-dead,-jim.com;

Visiting the Chat Tomb; and,

404ever, Pulse Not Found.

And lest I get too wordy, we'll just stop here.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* By which I mean, "witty and beautiful."

** First meaning only!

In Praise of Puns

You all know, Dear Readers, that I love words. I especially love puns, those word jokes defined as "the humorous use of a word in such a way as to suggest two or more of its meanings or the meaning of another word similar in sound." I got this love of puns from my mother, who was a world-class punster, but most of my family has it in some degree or another.

For this reason, it was with some amazement that I stumbled upon this article by Simon Akam on Slate.com the other day: Please Do Not Chillax - Adjoinages and the Death of the American Pun.

The article brought up a point I hadn't thought about before: the difference between a pun (as we generally understand it) and an adjoinage, a different verbal animal that many people today sometimes consider to be a pun.

Adjoinages combine two words to make a new word or concept, and in this way they relate to the pun's use of different pronunciations of a word for comic effect. Two examples of adjoinages from the article are chillax (chill + relax), meaning to calm down; and bridezilla - referring to the bride whose desperate quest for the perfect wedding turns her into a raging monster (bride + Godzilla). Are adjoinages puns? No. Mr Akam writes,

"One erudite friend of mine suggests that the current crisis in American wordplay can be traced back to the Watergate scandal of the 1970s and the subsequent tendency to append any scandal-related noun with the suffix -gate. Before Nixon fell, my friend suggests, 'All American puns rhymed perfectly and snappily, as if the whole country were a Cole Porter musical.' While this may not be precisely accurate, it is true that in the United States puns have come in and out of favor over time ... the American pun persisted through vaudeville and comedians like the Marx Brothers and George Burns, before falling out of favor after World War II, as falling taboos made previously forbidden topics (e.g., divorce, sex, general dysfunction) legitimate material for a new American humor less reliant on wordplay."

The beauty of a pun lies in its simple twist on the sound and meaning you were expecting. A really good pun sneaks up on you, whacks your funnybone, and leaves you marveling at its clever wit. Adjoinages may also be clever, but are seldom as intricately funny on multiple levels as are puns.

Puns can be based on a single word, or on more than one. They can rely on sound, meaning, or both. Consider these examples:

Homophonic puns substitute one word for a similar-sounding word ... 

"I bet the butcher the other day that he couldn’t reach the meat that was on the top shelf. He refused to take the bet, saying that the steaks were too high."

Homographic puns use a word that has two different meanings, or substitute a word with the exact same spelling as the word for which it was substituted - 

"Corduroy pillows are making headlines;" or,

"Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?"

And then there are compound puns, which use a string of two or more words that sound similar to a string of different words, like these ...

"Where do you find giant snails? On the ends of giants’ fingers;" and,

"A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office wearing only shorts made of plastic wrap. The doctor says, 'Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.'"

Of course, if you overanalyze a joke, it loses some of its meaning. So I'll just drop the discussion here and encourage all of you to support your local pun, and keep this noble joke from dying out. If you have a favorite pun, leave it in the comments for the rest of us to enjoy.

Have a good day. See you back here for Cartoon Saturday.

Bilbo

Words That Don't Exist, But Should

One of my former co-workers the other day sent me this list of useful words that ought to be in the dictionary, but somehow have been missed by the Websters of the world. I think they are known as sniglets, and there is a larger collection of them you can purchase here. This is the list I received from Devin, with a few of my comments added ...

Aquadextrous (ah kwa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.

Carperpetuation (kar'pur pet u ay shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

Disconfect (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lollipop) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs. (Bilbo's Alternative Definition: v. The action performed by a toddler who licks all the icing off a donut before offering it to you with a happy smile)

Elbonics (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for possession of one armrest in a movie theater or on an airplane.

Frust (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

Lactomangulation (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to opening the 'illegal' side.

Peppier (pep ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper. (Bilbo's Note: the size of the pepper mill wielded by the Peppier is a sign of the elegance of the restaurant - a truly classy establishment will have a pepper mill the size of a telephone pole with a built-in aiming light, which must be operated by a crew of two)

Phonesia (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling ... or why ... just as they answer.

Pupkus (pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

Telecrastination (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

And this one of my own ...

Telenalysis (tel uh nal' uh sis) n. The act of deciding whether or not to answer the phone based on a review of the Caller ID data.

Now it's your turn ... if you know of a good word we need to include in the next edition of the OED, leave a comment or e-mail it to me. These are too good not to share.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Justifiable Verbicide

Are there expressions you're sick unto death of hearing all the time? Phrases that have lost all meaning because of overuse and are now nothing more than verbal ballast that holds down the impact of more important thoughts?

You're not alone. This article I found the other day lists and discusses some of the most egregious examples of useless business jargon assailing your ears today. Here's their "top" ten list:

Outside the box. The only thing this expression is good for is generating cartoons, such as ...

And,

Low-hanging fruit. We lazy people like low-hanging fruit. Picking it saves time and energy.

Synergy. Sinning, but with plenty of oomph behind it?

Loop me in. Reminds me of the famous Sam Goodwyn comment, "Include me out!".

Best of breed. Does anyone (except Republican and Democratic campaign committees, of course) ever try to select the worst of breed?

Incentivize. Whatever happened to the good old, make it worth your while?

Mission-critical. I guess plain old essential just doesn't have the necessary gravitas any more.

Bring to the table. No thanks. Just leave your dumbass idea over there, please.

Value-add. Actually, I could get to like the concept of value-add(ed), particularly in an election season. Unfortunately, nobody in any political party has anything of value to add.

Elevator pitch. Which, oddly enough, is not something you use to waterproof your elevator.

There are others that didn't make the list for some reason which are just as bad. I don't know how they could possibly have missed "At the end of the day," for instance.

There's an old New England saying that admonishes us to "Never break the silence unless you can improve on it." Wouldn't it be nice if more people took that advice?

As I am going to do now.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Monday Puns, and Today's DUMBCON Level

Today is the day I go back to work after the luxury of a four-day weekend. This is not an altogether bad thing, as I have a job to go back to, and I can certainly use the walk to and from the bus stop and around the rings and corridors of the Pentagon to work off all that turkey and the trimmings.

And that's gotta be a lot of walking, let me tell you.

Because I have to get myself organized and ready to get my nose back to the grindstone and my shoulder back to the wheel, today's post will be on the simple side. Even a Republican should be able to understand it, even if it will still be beyond the capabilities of most Democrats. That's why we're using pictures.

This first one goes out to my blogging friends who are teachers of English (yes, Kathy and Melissa, I'm talking to you) and to my nephew Ed, as he begins his college education in English literature ...

You may remember the utterly ridiculous movie Snakes on a Plane from a few years ago ... a film memorable mainly for its display of Samuel L. Jackson's ability to cram the largest amount of foul language into a given period of time. Here's another, more entertaining, look at snakes on planes ...

The Department of Homeland Security has given up its much-parodied color-coded terror alert system. But we still need some way to distinguish between various alert levels. How about the Terrier Alert Level ... ?

And if that Terrier Alert System doesn't work for you, there's always Bilbo's National Stupidity Condition Index - the DUMBCON. You can read about it here, but here's the graphic for your use:

In case you were wondering, we're still at DUMCON 1 ... thanks to Congress, Iranian mullahs, both political parties, and the financial mismanagement industry, there's no longer any need for DUMBCONs 5 through 2.

Bummer.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

The Return of Son of More Great Moments in Editing, Part 2, The Sequel

I was shocked to learn yesterday that the town of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania - the capitol of my home state - has declared bankruptcy. Or not ... it seems to depend on who in the city government you ask. Economics. You've gotta love it. Wanna buy a slightly-used state capitol, cheap?

I need something funny to take my mind off the news. How about some more Great Moments in Editing?

I really don't want to see the logo that goes with this product ...

Who says there aren't good jobs available ... ?

Being a police officer can be a tough job ...

But it does have its rewards ...

Something to think about as winter is now just around the proverbial corner ...

You've got to put some thought into the design of an effective protest ...

I know where I'm going if I need a manicure ...

I think something like this might be on the menu if Chrissy's son ever becomes a chef ...

I wonder if the charge will stand up in court ... ?

And finally, something that might be viewed differently if the Republicans take control of your city council and look for more places to slash spending ...

Outside my study window on this chilly fall morning here in Northern Virginia it's pouring rain, foggy, and generally miserable...a good day to stay in bed. Unfortunately, Agnes will have to take care of that, since I have to go to work. But I'm not complaining ... at least I still have a job.

Have a good day. Stay dry, edit well. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Sing It, Baby!

Three-for-three on this week so far. If it were a fish, I'd have thrown it back.

But life goes on and so does my search for something funny to distract me. How about some actual country song titles? I've seen many versions of this list over the years, and Miss Cellania ran this one today ... here you go ...

1. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye!

2. I Don’t Know Whether To Kill Myself or Go Bowling.

3. If I Can’t Be Number One In Your Life,Then Number Two On You.

4. I Sold A Car To A Guy Who Stole My Girl, But It Don’t Run - So We’re Even.

5. Mamma Get A Hammer (There’s A Fly On Papa’s Head).

6. If The Phone Doesn’t Ring, It’s Me.

7. She’s Actin’ Single and I’m Drinkin’ Doubles.

8. How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?

9. I Keep Forgettin’ I Forgot About You.

10. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.

11. I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim’s Getting’ Better.

12. I Wouldn’t Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I’m Afraid She’d Win.

13. I’ll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let’s Honeymoon Tonight.

14. I’m So Miserable Without You; It’s like Having You Here.

15. I’ve Got Tears In My Ears From Lyin’ On My Back And Cryin’ Over You.

16. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I’d Be Out By Now.

17. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don’t Love Jesus.

18. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him.

19. Please Bypass This Heart.

20. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger.

21. She Got the Gold Mine and I Got the Shaft.

22. You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat.

23. I'd Rather Have a Bottle In Front of Me Than a Frontal Lobotomy (this may not actually be a real song, but it's a real quote, attributed to many people including W. C. Fields, Tom Waits, and Dorothy Parker).

24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure.

25. Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through the Goalposts of Life.

Yee, hah!

Have a good day. Sing the body electric. Or wind or solar or gas, whatever. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

The 2011 Banished Word List

You may have seen this Yahoo News article yesterday - "Words 'Viral' and 'Epic' Consigned to College Trash." Each year, Lake Superior State University in Sault Ste Marie, Michigan, publishes a list of words and phrases that are so overused they have lost all true meaning, and should thus be unceremoniously chucked into the intellectual trash can.

This year's list, which you can read here on the LSSU website, includes the following 14 words:

Viral - I've never quite understood what it means for something to "go viral." Stupid and overused and - like real viruses - there seems to be no linguistic cure.

Epic - at one time, an "epic" was something special, like a Cecil B. DeMille movie. Now it's just another overused word, particularly in conjunction with the next word in the list...

Fail - this used to be a badge of shame, as when a student failed to achieve promotion to the next grade. Now, it's just a tacky term for something stupid, or something really stupid when it's an epic fail. Chuck it out.

Wow Factor - grossly overused. Doesn't mean a thing any more, even when applied to the effect generated by Scarlett Johanssen.

A-Ha Moment - why not just say "oh, that's clear now"? Stupid.

Back Story - we used to call it history, which is more concise and meaningful. If you aren't talking about your slipped discs, don't use it.

BFF - I think this means "best female friend," but I'm not sure. In any case, it's part of that useless collection of linguistic shortcuts brought to us by e-mail and short messaging services (I couldn't bring myself to write SMS).

Man Up - wrong on so many levels. Can a woman man up? Can a man woman up? In any case, the Political Correctness Police would tell you it should be person up. Let's just give up on it.

Refudiate - the fact that a useless political cipher like Sarah Palin coined it is enough to make me never say it again.

Mama Grizzlies - the only time this term should be used is in conjunction with a bad-tempered far-right-wing woman who doesn't shave her legs.

The American People - oh, come on! This is the term a Republican uses when he (or she) is trying to convince you that he (or she) has the full support and enthusiastic approval of all 300-odd million of us. Emphasis on the odd part.

I'm Just Sayin' - Perhaps you are, but I'm not. Forget it.

Facebook/Google (when used as verbs) - I don't so much mind Google used as a verb (I google things all the time), but Facebook as a verb? Really dumb.

Live Life to the Fullest - can someone live life to the emptiest? What a dumb expression. Just drop it.

Okay, I've had my quota of linguistic grumpiness for today. I'm just sayin' 'Nuff said.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, there are 171,476 words in common use in the English language, along with another 47,156 that are obsolete and yet another 9,500 derivative words ... plenty to choose from to replace the 14 on LSSU's 2011 Banished Word List.

Have a good day. Enjoy the love of words. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

The Banned Words List

Each year for the last 35, the faculty and staff of Lake Superior State University has published its list of Words Banished from the Queen's English for Mis-use, Over-use and General Uselessness. A word or phrase earns its place on the list for being, as the title of the list indicates, misused, overused, or generally useless. It's a word or phrase so annoying or overused that it makes your grammatical and semantic gorge rise. The list of banished words/phrases for 2010 (with my comments added) includes:

1. "Shovel-ready" - I actually don't mind this expression, because it's useful in discussing almost anything dealing with Congress. You need a very big shovel, of course.

2. Transparent/Transparency - best comment on this word was from a wag who said, "I just don't see it."

3. Czar - Ivan the Terrible was a czar. Everyone else is a cheap knockoff. 'Nuff said.

4. Tweet - Birds tweet. People who tweet should be called "twits."

5. App - Short for "application." Also short for "appallingly overused."

6. Sexting - Refering to the transmission of sexually explicit messages and photos by phone. The word is just as stupid as the activity.

7. Friend (used as a verb) - The actual verb is "befriend." Why not use it...it's only one more syllable.

8. "Teachable Moment" - We used to call them "lessons."

9. "In These Economic Times ..." - Just dumb. All times are these times. It's just that in these times we want tar and feathers for the members of the financial mismanagement industry. No further comment necessary.

10. Stimulus - A picture of a beautiful lady in a nice dress is a stimulus. Vast quantities of money hurled at mismanaged industries to allow them to continue to mismanage at our expense are not.

11. "Toxic Assets" - I prefer "bad debts." If it's an asset, it's a good thing by definition. This is a world-champion oxymoron.

12. "Too Big to Fail" - The government is willing to bail out industries too big to fail, but not to help individuals too small to notice...like you and I.

13. Bromance - this one is so stupid I can't even think of a snarky comment. What's wrong with good old "friendship?" Just flush it.

14. Chillaxin' - combines "chilling (out)" and "relaxing." Utterly pointless. A waste of ink just to comment on how stupid it is.

15. "Obama" (when used as a prefix, generally with a negative intent, as in "Obamacare," "Obamanomics," etc). We also had "Reaganomics," also generally used in a negative context, but the overblown use of "Obama" as a prefix has gone far beyond the bounds of satire or good sense. You don't like the President. Okay, he was elected. Get over it.

Any other words or phrases you'd like to add? I'm ready to hear them...

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

The Write Stuff, Part 2, and Lost 2: The Pentagon

Sometimes the planets just line up and things happen serendipitously (wow...I didn't think I could spell a word that long this early in the morning).

Yesterday I wrote about writing, as in cursive handwriting, and its decline. I got lots of comments from my online family, most of them variations on the theme of Boy Is My Handwriting Yucky. This morning, my Joke of the Day e-mail contained this piece:

When you write copy, you have the right to copyright the copy you write, if the copy is right. If, however, your copy falls over, you must right your copy. If you write religious services, you write rites and have the right to copyright the rites you write. Conservative people write right copy and have the right to copyright the right copy they write. A right wing cleric would write right rites and has the right to copyright the right rites he has the right to write. His editor has the job of making the right rite copy right before the copyright can be right. Should Thomas Wright decide to write a right rite, then Wright would write a right rite, which Wright has the right to copyright. Duplicating that rite would copy Wright's right rite and violate copyright, which Wright would have the right to right. Is that about right?

Didja get that? I hope so, because I'm not even going to try to repeat it.

New topic.

I've become a big fan of the wonderfully weird TV show Lost...I'm working my way through the first four seasons on DVDs, and am just as confused as everyone else who's ever tried to figure out what's going on with the hatches, polar bears, smoke monsters, ghosts, "Others," and other things. But it has occurred to me that I'm living in my own version of Lost, because I work in the Pentagon. Those of you who have been stationed there (yes, Katherine, I'm talking to you) will understand. The rest of you, take a few minutes and read this article from yesterday's Washington Post: The Building That Runs Rings Around the Wiliest Generals. I feel like Indiana Jones trying to find his way into some vine-festooned old ruin...except that in Washington, the vine-festooned old ruins are all serving in Congress.

That's all for now. I have to find something to pack for lunch, then head off to once again try to find my office in the Five-Sided Squirrel Cage on the Potomac. It's not as easy as you think.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Tom Swifties

I inherited my love of reading, writing, and wordplay in general from my Mother, who probably inherited it from some other, more distant, relative who would prefer to remain anonymous. Mom could make puns and carry on other word games like no one else I've ever known, and I've tried to keep up her tradition...although in order to do it I've had to get used to everyone starting to groan just on principle whenever I say something.

One of the word games of which Mom was fond was the Tom Swifty - defined as "a phrase in which a quoted sentence is linked by a pun to the manner in which it is attributed." A classic (if I can use the word in this context) example would be, "Yes, we have no bananas," Tom said fruitlessly.

I can hear you groaning already.

Last Friday in the office, one of my coworkers passed me a link to the mother lode of Tom Swiftys. Fortunately, it was just a few minutes before quitting time...otherwise I'd have spent all day reading through the list and laughing myself into tears.

So...

Because the news in general is so bad that even a Cartoon Saturday once a week can hardly hold its own against the gloomy tide, here are a few of the ... um ... best Tom Swiftys from the list. You may want to sit down...

"I dropped the toothpaste!" said Tom, crestfallen.

"AARRGGHH! I've just been stabbed in the chest," cried Tom, half-heartedly.

"I like ragged margins," said Tom, without justification.

"That's not a laser!" cried Tom incoherently.

"Wait, I said 'I give up!'" Tom recapitulated.

"You're letting the fire go out," said Tom ungratefully.

"Get into the back of the boat!" yelled Tom sternly.

"Take the prisoner downstairs," Tom said condescendingly.

"I used to command a battalion of German insects," said Tom, exuberantly.

"Behold the power of the Dark Side," Tom said forcefully.

and, saving the best (or the worst, depending on how you look at it) for last...

"I'm into homosexual necrophilia," said Tom in dead earnest.

You can find lots of Tom Swiftys on the Internet, and they're fun to make up yourself. I'm looking forward to the comments this generates. Or maybe not.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo