Monday, July 30, 2012

The Gentleman's Guide to Little-Known Flirting Techniques

Bilbo, you ask yourself, what on earth would an over-sixty fellow with five (six in December!) grandchildren know about flirting? Aren't you over all that stuff?

In a word, no.

We all flirt, at every age ... it's just that most men tend to be pretty inept at it, relying on cheesy pickup lines and deliberately ignoring our physical ... um ... shortcomings. Women are very good at flirting; men are not. That's just how it is.

But it doesn't have to be!

From my Blog Fodder file comes some good advice for men on little-known flirting techniques, based on this article by Kimberly Dawn Neumann ... with my commentary, of course ...

1. Wear Red. Red is a "power color," and we subconsciously react positively to people who wear red. This doesn't mean you need to wear a fire-engine red polyester suit*, but a splash of red (in a tie, perhaps) can lend you an aura of power and dominance. For more about color, smell, and sex, see my earlier post here.

2. Eat Celery. Chemically, I guess this one makes sense ... as Ms Neumann writes, "eating celery increases the amount of female-attracting pheromones that men emit. Why? It seems that the cytoplasm found in celery contains the same chemicals as those found in human male sweat (specifically, regular sweat that’s responsible for a subtly masculine scent, which may not always be perceptible through clothing); both contain the steroid Androstenone, which makes men more attractive to women." Well, that's as may be, but celery is still among my least-favorite vegetables. Raw celery is okay, but I've always found cooked celery to be pretty nasty. Why couldn't it have been a gift-of-the-gods vegetable like Brussels Sprouts that contains the molecular chick magnets?

3. Play Romantic Music. This one's pretty obvious. If you are trying to set a romantic mood, putting on your Best of Death Metal collection at ear-splitting volume is probably not a good choice. You may think Kenny G is a high-order twit, but his music is a better choice. Suck it up.

4. Order a Chocolate Dessert. This is another of those chemical things like celery (see #2 above). Not only does sharing food promote the idea of shared experience ("bonding"), eating chocolate also "... increases the serotonin levels in the human body, which can induce feelings of euphoria and chemically improve your mood." Ms Neumann further notes that “By being around a woman while she’s eating chocolate, you get this sort of ‘halo effect’…she likes the chocolate you ordered her, therefore she likes you.” Of course, too much chocolate over time tends to lead to excessive weight gain, so it's important to exercise moderation, right?

5. Learn Some Dance Moves. I can tell you from personal experience that a man who knows how to dance well will draw women like a magnet draws iron filings. And you don't have to know a lot of fancy patterns (although it doesn't hurt) ... what's more important is to be able to dance a few patterns really well. Trust me - ladies love a man who can dance ... that is, dance more than the old grope-and-shuffle. Take a few lessons, and you'll thank me.

To which I add my own sixth, guaranteed sure-fire technique ...

6. Don't Act Like an Idiot. You'd think this was pretty obvious, but there's nothing that will lead a man to act like a drooling moron than an attractive woman. Try to put yourself in her painful high heels ... would you like you if the situation were reversed?

There you go, men. Take it from a guy with a primo wife and a lot of attractive female friends ... moving beyond "what's your sign?" isn't hard, and the average lady will thank you for it. Ladies, what works for you? Add your thoughts in the comments.

Have a good day. Flirt well. More thoughts tomorrow.


* Someday I'll tell you about the year I wore a fire-engine red union suit to a Fasching party in Germany. It was a long time ago, and I was much less suave and debonaire than the Bilbo you know today ... 


eViL pOp TaRt said...

Bilbo, those are excellent suggestions, with a combination of science and good sense! About a few of these: A splash of red does help give the aura of masculinity. This might be why the red power tie is so often seen in politicians' wardrobes. And chocolate, especially sharing a chocolate dessert like a Napoleon will do it. For a gift of chocolates, a nice brand, like Godiva.

Funny about celery and pheromones. There was a 1950's artist named Art Frahm who featured celery in the genre scenes of his art.

Romantic music is a must, but not Barry White. He became a by-word among women: This guy is playing Barry White; he's trying to get me in bed.

And Don't Act Like an Idiot: An awesome suggestion!

You have done your sex a great service today, Bilbo!

Duckbutt said...

The Don't Act Like an Idiot suggestion needs an instructional manual for some people.

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

I think duckbutt is on to somethin'.

Besides to some an idiot is ugly to others it's endearing. You have to find the right mate. :-)

You can flirt with me any time big boy.

Banana Oil said...

Most guys think it is unmanly to dance. They lose out big time.

Big Sky Heidi said...

A guy should learn how to flirt, and do it well. That's something that Spanish men are good at. To be flirted with is a compliment to a woman.

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

You da man, Bilbo! Your tips seem to be endorsed by the ladies. Apparently flirting is alright.

The Bastard King of England said...

Chocolate and cheesy pickup lines. Or maybe cheese and chocolately pickup lines would do just as well. Brie, Madame?