Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Picking the Right Gift

When things are as bad as they are across the board (lousy economy, murderous religious bigots, hurricane Earl, Bristol Palin on Dancing with the Stars, etc), it's good to try to think about the things that aren't so bad. No matter how bad things may get, there's always some reason to celebrate. And there's an industry that has sprung up to take advantage of it. Would Valentine's Day have taken off without the support of the greeting card, candy, and florist industries? And don't you enjoy all those traditional displays of Christmas merchandise that start appearing in stores before Labor Day?

Which brings me to today's topic: anniversary gifts.

Someone has actually compiled a list of "traditional" and "modern" wedding anniversary gifts. You can see the entire list here, but here's a short summary for you so that you know what you're supposed to get for your beloved. Or for the person you haven't divorced yet, whichever...

First: Traditional - Paper; Modern - Clocks.

Second: Traditional - Cotton; Modern - China

Third: Traditional - Leather; Modern - Crystal or Glass

Fourth: Traditional - Fruit or Flowers; Modern - Appliances (yeah, fellows, she'll really like that vacuum cleaner)

Fifth: Traditional - Wood; Modern - Silverware

Tenth: Traditional - Tin or Aluminum; Modern - Diamond Jewelry (I wonder who was responsible for that update...)

Twentieth: Traditional - China; Modern - Platinum

Thirtieth: Traditional - Pearl; Modern - Diamond

Fortieth: Traditional and Modern - Ruby

Fiftieth: Traditional and Modern - Gold

Sixtieth: Traditional and Modern - Diamond

My advice: get divorced before the tenth anniversary, then re-marry (the same person, if you like). That resets the gift clock and saves you money, paper and clocks, cotton, and china being much cheaper than diamonds, platinum, rubies, and gold.

Anybody have any other ideas for updating the anniversary gift list? Viagra, Depends, and walkers are not out of the question.

Have a good day. Celebrate something. More thoughts tomorrow.



Amanda said...

Well I've learned something new today. Never new that I was due for some DIAMOND JEWELRY.

Bilbo said...

Amanda - don't let Richard know you heard it from me...

Raquel's World said...

Due to the recession I have to decided not to marry at all therefore saving tons on gifts.

Mike said...

Why is most of the stuff 'girl' stuff? I do like the choice on modern for the eighth.

Wv: formic - As in formic acid! Being a chem major this one jumped out at me. HCO2H

KKTSews said...

I always thought those gift lists were for other people giving to the couple...and wondered why one would do that every year.
In any case, the modern, modern version should have variations based on how many marriages are invovled. I mean, just how many clocks does one need as a gift by the fourth or fifth marriage? Or maybe the clock is useful to indicate when it is time to divorce?