Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Danger: Asteroids!

If you're a fan of disaster scenarios (earthquakes, monster wildfires, hurricanes, tornadoes, Congressional elections), this report on CNN this morning should appeal to you: Two Asteroids to Pass Close to Earth on Wednesday. This is an asteroid:

Yes, Dear Readers, during the course of the day today, not one but two tiny asteroids will slip past within the orbit of the Moon ... thankfully, without striking the Earth. Although tiny (46 and 65 feet, respectively), were they to strike the Earth they could cause almost as much damage as, say, the Republicans regaining control of Congress in November.

This suggests a course of action we can take to protect ourselves from the danger of passing asteroids. Here's my idea:

The President holds a news conference at which he expresses his strong support of passing asteroids and suggests a package of financial incentives to encourage asteroids to collide with the Earth. The Republican Party immediately springs into action, whipping up popular opposition to asteroids, blocking the President's asteroid-friendly proposals and instead proposing huge tax breaks for businesses and the wealthy. Small fringe churches plan to burn photos of asteroids and demonstrate at craters caused by previous asteroid strikes, while larger religious organizations propose building large and ornate cultural centers to celebrate the diversity provided by asteroids. Extreme right-wing commentators denounce asteroids as un-American and castigate the President for supporting them, while many locales declare themselves to be "sanctuary cities" for asteroids.

The asteroids, in disgust, veer away and look for another planet to strike.

Considering the amazing success that Congressional Republicans have enjoyed by working overtime to completely block anything proposed by Congressional Democrats ... and their masterful ability to avoid popular outrage for their behavior ... I think this is a plan with real promise for protecting us from the devastating effects of collision with an asteroid.

Plan B is to launch an enormous tube of Preparation A to shrink the asteroids, but I'm not sure it's technically feasible.

Don't thank me - I'm always in the front lines of your defense against deadly threats, regardless of political party or illegal extraterrestrial status.

Have a good day. Avoid asteroids. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

6 comments:

Bandit said...

Or just shoot the moon to all of them.

Raquel's World said...

Plan A sounds like a winner to me.

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...excellent post, sir...

Mike said...

I think it would be kind of cool if an asteroid hit a volcano. HEY! I claim the rights to the movie! Asteriod, volcano, sunami. What more could you want?

KathyA said...

Amazing that you haven't been snatched up by Brookings Institute for one of their think tanks!

Is passing asteroids like passing gas?

John said...

KathyA, I think so, but maybe a little bit painful...