Friday, September 17, 2010

Just Toolin' Along...

Yesterday's post, based on a Popular Mechanics article about really strange toilets, went over very well. I don't know if this is because my readers are turned on by toilets or because mentioning Popular Mechanics lends my random thoughts an undeserved air of technical competence. No matter...I'll take my readers how I get them.

So anyhow, speaking of Popular Mechanics...

Here's another interesting article from that magazine: Tools Everyone Should Own. I actually own some of them, in spite of being the world's most inept handyman. Of course, I have some commentary...

1. Sledge Hammer. Nothing says manly man like a sledge hammer. You can destroy anything with a sledge hammer, even a sledge hammer ... when I was in college, one of the fraternities had a fund raiser in which you paid $1.00 to take a swing at an old car with a sledge hammer. I paid my money, swung, and hit the car with the handle instead of the head, which snapped off the hammer. They didn't let me try again.

2. Center Punch. This is an amazingly useful device for making a hole right next to where you really wanted it.

3. Hammer. A very useful device for bending nails, making large dents next to nails, and creating ugly blood blisters under finger nails.

4. Multibit Screwdriver. Because you never know when you won't be able to find your center punch.

5. Safety Glasses. An important safety device, particularly useful when you're swinging a sledge hammer at an old car.

6. Adjustable Wrench and Pipe Wrench. These are very useful, and are interchangeable, particularly when you're using them as hammers.

7. Socket Wrench Set. The average socket wrench set has about 6,000 sockets in it, of which you only ever use two or three, which are lost.

8. Crosscut Saw. A wonderful tool for those of us who like to invent sound effects for children. A crosscut saw sounds just like, SSSH...voopa, voopa, voopa, voopa. The saw was invented by a seller of lumber so that he could sell more stock to people who don't use their ...

9. Measuring Tape. The old adage says "measure twice, cut once." That's the short version. The full adage actually says, "measure twice, cut once, shout DAMMIT!, go to Home Depot, buy more lumber."

And...

10. Extension Cord. Allows you to make mistakes with power tools further from an electrical outlet than otherwise possible.

Tools. Helping men feel either incredibly manly or hopelessly inept for thousands of years. You know where I fall on that continuum.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

6 comments:

John said...

When it comes to home repairs or cars, my philosophy is simple: They pay me well to the job that I know how to do. I should be willing to pay somebody else to do the job that they know how to do.

Anonymous said...

Man: the tool maker.
Tool: the fool maker.
Eninence Grise

Raquel's World said...

Loved the commentary. I have a hammer, screwdriver set, cordless drill, and the most useful tool of all ....duct tape!

Bandit said...

Love my tools. I use them then 85% of the time call in a repairman.

Mike said...

I went to the article. I was afraid they might have something on there I didn't have. They didn't.

Sledge hammer? 16 pound! Plus two breaker bars.

KathyA said...

Have bought all of these things at least twice. The kids have us confused with Home Depot.
I live in dread of our next project.