Tuesday, April 19, 2011

The Problems You Never Knew You Had

You know, Dear Readers, that you have lots of things to worry about nowadays ... political ass-clownery, an economy in ruins (largely thanks to political ass-clownery), and insane levels of religious intolerance, just to name a few. You also know, thanks to floods of television ads from law firms with names like Hungadunga, Hungadunga, Hungadunga, Hungadunga, and McCormick (thanks, Groucho!), that you may be on the verge of dying a horrible (but financially lucrative in the meantime) death from all sorts of diseases, poisons, and medical malfeasance you wouldn't know about if it weren't for television ads run by big law firms. And on top of all that, the advertising industry wants all you insecure ladies out there to know that your well-being is menaced by all sorts of ghastly things like bad breath, vaginal odor, and ... gasp! ... exposed armpits!


Yes, Friends, you may enjoy this very interesting article by Libby Copeland from Slate.com - The Cure for Your Fugly Armpits: How Advertisers Create Body Anxieties Women Didn't Know They Had, and Then Sell Them the Solution.


The article begins with a look at the recent advertising campaign by Dove Ultimate Go Sleeveless Deodorant, which implies that women's armpits* are naturally ugly, and promises to turn them from the Ugly Ducklings of Summer Exposure to dry, sweet-smelling, and attractive hints of her hidden beauty, waiting to be proudly exposed by the sleeveless dresses she's always been ashamed to wear. It then goes on to discuss other great moments in advertising, including the marketing of Lysol as a contraceptive and vaginal deodorant and the horror of bad breath, which leads unfortunate women to the curse of always being a bridesmaid, but never a bride.



Oh, for pete's sake. Ladies, if the worst thing you have to worry about is whether or not your armpits are attractive, you have a pretty good life.



I don't pay much attention to advertising any more, especially ads for cures for erectile dysfunction, ambulance-chasing law firms, and candidates for political office (who need those cures for erectile dysfunction so they can better screw the voters once in office). Neither should you.



Have a good day. Ladies, don't worry about the sleeveless dresses - I promise not to criticize your armpits. More thoughts - unrelated to armpit hygiene - tomorrow.



Bilbo



* By the way, there are actually websites out there dedicated to celebrity armpits. Don't ask me how I know.



B.



15 comments:

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Your last comment there scares the hell out of me...only because we are so crazy that we'd actually check out a website devoted to celebrity armpits!

Yikes@

Amanda said...

Should I or should I go google 'celebrity armpits'?

Gilahi said...

I just want to mention how pleased I am that you didn't leave out a Hungadunga. Some people do, and it's always the most important one.

Bilbo said...

Andrea - you'd be even more scared if you saw all the various subdivisions of "celebrity armpits!"

Amanda - Well, if you don't have anything better to do, you would probably find it entertaining, in a bizarre sort of way.

Gilahi - somehow, I just KNEW you would pick up on that! We admirers of the collected works of the Marx Brothers would NEVER leave out a Hungadunga, especially the most important one!

Chrissy said...

Ugly armpits? Hmm. I guess I didn't know armpits could be ugly.
Well...ok...i had to assume some people would have ugly arm pits (sort of lookin' at robin williams here)...but I guess I didn't think that would bother me.

Do I want to know how you decided to blog about this? You crack me up

Bilbo said...

Chrissy - I could have gone for the rest of my life without the Robin Williams imagery. As for how I decided to blog about this ... well, as soon as I ran across the article that talked of a cure for "fugly armpits," I just KNEW I had to move quickly before Mike beat me to it.

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

OH NO, now i have to worry about my armpits? - thanks a lot. Right before summer you do this to me?
Making me feel all self consicious of a body part I always thought was fine. Another one bites the dust.
You're in cohoots (sp?) with the advertising folks on this aren't you? pretending to be on our side.
What next? Summer's here - let's talk bikini wax.....


now this is funny - my word verification is dadie. :-)

Bilbo said...

My goodness, had I known I'd get so many comments by writing about armpits, I'd have done it long ago! Margaret, etc - Don't worry about armpits or bikini wax or any of that other stuff. We all love you just the way you are, even if your glasses are cloudy...

Mike said...

I surprised you didn't just mention celebrity arms. I'll bet you know all the sites.

Bilbo said...

Mike, you may not believe this, but ... nah ... you probably would belive it ...

allenwoodhaven said...

It may be impossible to top the Marx Brothers, but I always liked the law firm Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe.

A wonderful and very applicable quote: "The biggest big business in America is not steel, automobiles, or television. It is the manufacture, refinement, and distribution of anxiety."
- Eric Sevareid, American news commentator (1912-1992)

Banister said...

Leave out a Hungadunga? The very idea! I hope we never passover the Hungadungas like we did the Levys down in Florida.

Serena said...

I love it! There's a bit in one of my old manuscripts about how we'd never realize how gross and smelly we are if Madison Avenue didn't harangue us about our uncouth hygiene and then sell us the stuff to fix it.:-)

KathyA said...

Who knew that your talking about pits would bring such response!!!???

You see -- this is just me -- but I just always assume they're all talking to someone else. :) My pits are lovely... :)

Bilbo said...

Allenwoodhaven - you can do a lot with the names of law firms!

Banister - between Gilahi and I, we'll make sure that all the Hungadungas are properly included.

Serena - this isn't a new topic, but it's certainly one we don't think about often enough...Vance Packard began it with his classic book "The Hidden Persuaders" back in the 50s.

Kathy, there is no doubt in my mind that a lady as wonderfully civil as you would have lovely pits as well!