Wednesday, April 06, 2011

You Might Be a Democrat If...

One of the things that enrages me (as my friend the Eminence Grise knows well, and uses to advantage) is being labeled a "liberal" or a "Democrat." I like to think of myself as a rock-solid Independent, wavering slightly between the left and the right. I might describe myself as a "principled conservative" on fiscal issues and a "principled liberal" on social issues had not liberals and conservatives so thoroughly discredited themselves.

Yesterday, I offered part one of the Bewildered Observer's Field Guide to Political Ass Clowns - "You Might Be a Republican If..." Today, we pour satirical sauce on the gander with equal time for the dumbasses of the left:

You Might Be a Democrat If...

You believe that inconvenient Constitutional guarantees (such as the right to keep and bear arms) can be sidestepped by judicial action.

You believe that if a company closes down a factory to move production to a country with cheaper labor, it will have a devastating affect on the economy and is grossly unfair to the oppressed workers, but see no problem with government closure of the same factory because it produces barely-measurable amounts of pollution.

You believe pornography demeans women, but find nothing wrong with a 50 year old president seducing a 21 year old intern.

You believe a few hundred loggers can find another career, but the defenseless spotted owl must live in its preferred tree.

You actually expect to collect Social Security.

You reflexively oppose every plan offered by a Republican, but are unable to form any plans of your own.

You believe self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

You oppose capital punishment, but support abortion on demand and "assisted suicide."

You believe terrorists murder innocent people because they are misunderstood and have legitimate grievances that must be addressed.

You worry about how the French view Americans.

You have no problem with Hollywood celebrities flying around the country in private jets to give speeches on the evils of SUVs.

You oppose a moment of silent prayer at the beginning of the school day as government indoctrination, imposition of religious values on helpless children, and undercutting of parental authority, but support sex education, condom distribution, and multiculturalism.

You believe that this list is part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.

Exaggeration? Yep. Accurate? Yep.

If you recognized yourself in either yesterday's Republican list or today's Democratic one, perhaps you need to step back and rethink a few things. Then come and join me in the middle.

It's getting lonely here.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.


P.S. - According to this morning's news, the Libyan opposition forces are retreating. They're blaming the US and NATO for their setbacks. You could have seen that coming.



Mike said...

"blaming the US and NATO"

I didn't read that yet. Go figure.

John said...

Proudly standing in the middle with you...

Bilbo said...

Mike - I could have told you it was coming. Oh, wait! I did!

John - glad to have you. Bring friends.

KathyA said...

I'm right beside you, Big guy!!

chrissy said...

Well when you put it that way....hmmm...what am i now?