Thursday, August 11, 2011

Ask Bilbo, Part 2

Because there are always a few people who don't get the original memo, we have a few more questions that have come in from those who want to tap Bilbo's Font 'o Useless Knowledge. Here are the latest submissions:

Amanda asked:

Q: Is Agnes your only dance partner and do you ever get into arguments over the dancing? I'm asking this because I'd love to get Richard dancing but I'm afraid I might end up strangling him.

A: No, we both dance with other people as well. Dancing is, after all, a social skill. Dancing with other people helps the man improve his leading skills, and keeps a couple from learning to compensate for each other's mistakes. I would also tell you that it's a great opportunity to get my hands on a lot of different ladies without getting slapped. Or strangled. Most of the time.

A2: Do we ever get into arguments over the dancing? Is a bear Catholic? Does the Pope sleep in the woods? Of course we do! That's why I took lessons from someone else, even though Agnes is a trained and certified teacher. Over the years, I've grown used to getting the eye rolls and puzzled looks that mean what are you trying to do? I must say, though, that neither of us has ever stormed off the dance floor and spent the rest of the evening glaring sourly, like some couples we've observed over the years.

Q: What effect do you think the U.S. S & P rating being downgraded from AAA to AA+ will have on the incomes of edcysiasts and bikini baristas?

A: (after realizing she really meant ecdysiasts): I believe the S&P rating downgrade will not have a significant effect on this population. Because both have their assets on display for inspection at all times, they do not require the intervention of a "professional" rating agency to assist in their evaluation. The real impact will be seen in the quantity of tips each receives, which is linked to the S&P rating only in the sense that the rating downgrade may result in a reduction of observers' income and, thus, the amount of disposable cash available for pecuniary expression of appreciation.

Duckbutt wanted to know...

Q: Do you know why Baptists are so down on people making love while standing?

A: I suspect it's because everyone has to stand for something, and they've decided to stand for something other than making love. This, of course, will result in a decrease in the number of Baptists in the long term, but that's their problem.

Finally, although it wasn't really a question, my old friend Dave pointed out that at the current exchange rate, the $7.56 left in my retirement account after the latest market disaster will be worth exactly 5.12 euros, which is just about enough for a bus ride downtown and back. I think I may need to take up a new hobby to finance my retirement ... I considered thievery and large-scale embezzlement, but Congress has a lock on those. Bummer.

Any other questions? Just ask Bilbo. I'm always ready to help.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.



Amanda said...

There might be hope of Richard and me learning to dance some day. We have tried in the past but they never let us change partners! I think that would lighten things up.

Mike said...

If AAA is changing to AA+ will their phone number change by one digit too?

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Whoops! I misspelled H. L. Mencken's term for stripper. It is ecdysiasts!