Monday, January 16, 2012

P.C. Physics

I seem to have broken the code on getting large numbers of comments on my blog: I should either discuss applied physics (as in yesterday's discussion of the physics of cartoons), on include an exciting illustration (as in my discussion of The Degree of Gasp). Sadly for my male readers, though, my sense of social responsibility prevents me from putting up more gasp-inducing illustrations - I don't want to be responsible for the potential coronaries of any of my more ... er ... senior readers.

So let's get back to physics, shall we?

It has always struck me as odd that we (or at least, some of the more bizarre of us) can take pure, basic science and either twist it into something religious (creation "science" and "intelligent design", for example) or use it as a cudgel to percussively advance a political or economic agenda (such as politically-charged discussion of climate change). Science can also be tortured into the realm of political correctness, as in Nazi Germany's denigration of "Jewish science" or today's tendency to claim that every significant scientific discovery was made not by some (insert scorn) dead white European, but by a deliberately-unrecognized member of an oppressed ethnic or religious group.

In the interest of both continuing our discussion of applied physics and helping you ensure political correctness of scientific thought, I have once again dug deep into the Blog Fodder file to retrieve (and, of course, update) this set of courses which will help you think properly on the left side of the current sociopolitical divide. We'll do the same for the right side tomorrow ...

Current Course Catalog
of the
Scientific and Technical University for Politically Intelligent Development (STUPID)

Part 1: Course Offerings of the College of Ultra-Liberal Arts and Sciences

About STUPID and the College of Ultra-Liberal Arts and Sciences: We are an equal opportunity university college specializing in higher-order thinking skills that provide students with raised consciousness, empowerment, and self-esteem. We are especially proud of our inclusionary policies which empower all members of society, regardless of differences in ability and background. For example, we were the first university in North America to ensure that every traffic sign on campus was not only printed in at least five non-European languages, but is also marked in Braille. We are proud of our diversity and require gender and ethnic diversity from every student. All students accepted to STUPID are guaranteed passing grades and a successful graduation, regardless of the degree of academic distinction displayed. All students applying to STUPID are guaranteed admittance as long as our modest tuition requirements and entrance fees are paid - and we work hard to help students get the federal and state grants they deserve to attend our university. Competition is out - all classes operate on the principles of cooperative learning, self-directed learning, learning-to-learn, and active learning. This is facilitated by our well supplied computer and multimedia labs, now equipped with Wii, X-Box, Play Station 3, and Enhanced Super Nintendo to offer you the ultimate adventure in modern education.

Funding for STUPID is generously provided by the taxpayers of the United States. Most of our budget comes from the $80 million a year our newly founded Medical College receives from the U.S. government to not produce any more physicians. Our Department of Physics also receives $10 million a year in Federal grants to not produce any physicians.

P101 - PC Freshman Physics: Toward a Higher Awareness.
Traditional Eurocentric physics must be excised if students are to achieve higher consciousness. The restrictive ideology of Newton, with its emphasis on action and reaction, is exposed as reactionary propaganda, used for centuries to oppress people and institutionalize fear and hate. The prohibitive, traditional “laws” of physics must be rejected in favor of new models that foster tolerance, empowerment, and social justice. Under the old order, radical conservative forces have imposed “conservative” laws restricting the use of energy, mass, momentum, and electrical charge. Rather than conserving such forces and powers, they must be increased and made available to all people, regardless of race, gender, or sexual orientation. Students are instructed in the revolutionary New Physics and are encouraged to promote awareness through demonstrations and other media events.

P115 - Contributions of the Vertically Challenged in Physics.
Startling new evidence confirms that most great physicists were vertically challenged (or “short,” as bigots are wont to say). Unfortunately, repressive social norms forced many scientists to strive to appear vertically gifted in order to maintain credibility with the masses. Some never publicly came out about their true vertical orientation, but were still privately active in the vertically challenged subculture. This course examines how the vertical advantage of Newton, Galileo, Einstein, Bohr, and many others contributed to their success as scientists.

P116 - Quantum Mechanics: Contributions of Indigenous Peoples.
Most textbooks on physics, written by the ruling Eurocentric white male class, have completely ignored the fundamental contributions of indigenous peoples toward our understanding of quantum mechanics. This course seeks to rectify past wrongs by focusing on the achievements in quantum mechanics of peoples such as the Aleutian Indians, the Australian Aborigines, and Karen tribes of Thailand. Extra credit and reduced homework loads are available to members of oppressed groups.

P221 - White Male Oppression in Nuclear Physics.
For centuries, white males have used the rhetoric and the tools of physics - especially nuclear physics - to suppress other classes. Bigoted labeling of subatomic particles, such as “negative” for the charge of the electron or “uncharmed” for some quarks, implies that some particles are better than others, which in turn is used to strengthen repressive norms of racial and gender inequality. Students will explore more holistic approaches to physics and learn how to turn physics into a New Age tool of class struggle to overthrow oppression.

PC250 - Space Occupation Theory.
Traditional, oppressive theory claimed that two particles of matter could not occupy the same space at the same time. This course makes use of newer and more aggressive "Occupy Space" theory to prove that the occupation of space by multiple elements of politically-charged matter can result in positive changes to the surrounding environment. Students are required to provide their own drums, tents, and bullhorns. Contact the instructor for the location of the class.

P287 - Feminist Cosmology.
The Big Bang model is exposed as a purely male paradigm, deliberately replete with male sexual symbolism in order to deny empowerment to women. A more progressive feminine cosmology, the Gentle Nurturing, is offered to replaced the male Big Bang theory. The Gentle Nurturing model views the origin of the universe as lengthy period of gradual gestation, followed by steady nurturing, rather than a sudden eruption. The male originators of the Big Bang theory are examined critically for their role in maintaining an oppressive order through the manipulation of physics. The new paradigm shows that we are part of an interconnected cosmic entity which must be further nurtured and protected from the harms inflicted by the radical right.

P326 - Advanced Psychophysics.
This specialized course for physics majors only teaches students to achieve high levels of cosmic awareness by tapping into the universal consciousness that engulfs us all. Such higher order thinking skills are developed by cooperative quantum reconstruction and self-directed neural empowerment sessions with the assistance of Tarot cards, Ouija boards, energy crystals, and altered states of consciousness. Students not only develop their psychic gifts, but learn how to effectively market them in fields such as Celebrity Counseling, Political Psychotherapy (including tips on White House protocol), and Forensic Psychozoology (using psychic gifts to identify corporations which have harmed protected species). Teaching assistants are available in the form of personal spirit guides.

P331 - Gaia, the Atomic Mother.
Past studies of Gaia as the self-regulating life force of mother earth have been too narrow in their vision. A new framework for physics shows that Gaia originates at the atomic level, where each atom is alive and connected to the cosmic consciousness, directly influencing universal karma. This breakthrough in human consciousness, finally accessing the astral energies of the atom itself, reveals the horror of man's sins against nature in the twentieth century. Splitting the atom, for example, is now seen as the ultimate act of violence. Our assault on the atomic world may account for much of the clash between man and nature, including the recent escalation in lightning strikes. This course will show students new approaches to life and energy to heal the wounds we have inflicted to the atomic world, including the damaged self-esteem to electrons and other particles afflicted with judgmental labels by bigoted scientists. Prerequisite: P221.

The STUPID College of Ultra-Liberal Arts and Sciences is a fully accredited non-profit institution of higher multicultural learning and an Equal Opportunity institution, working to provide equality and empowerment for all ... except for reactionaries and members of oppressor classes.

Tomorrow, we will take a second look at STUPID, with a look at Part 2 of the course catalog, which lists the politically correct course offerings of The Right. Be here.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.



Mike said...

'potential coronaries'

I'll take that chance.

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Creation science lacks falsiability and is inherently untestable. It's simply a search for data that might go with the creation theory.

Here's another dubious belief that doesn't go with mainstream physics: homeopathy. The idea that by using less you can produce a greater effect is truly incompatible with the idea of conservation of energy or the like.

There is a traditional psychophysics which deals between the physical world and our awareness of it. G. T. Fechner did some of the early work in this area which had nothing to do with ESP or other hogwash.

Banana Oil said...

OMG! I never thought of the Law of Conservation of Energy as a Republican conspiracy!