Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Clown Parades

Many years ago, when I was a lowly lieutenant in the Air Force, there was an event at my base that was of sufficient importance that the Wing Commander* decided we should stage a parade. And not only that, but he** decided the parade should be led by a squadron composed of his wing staff officers, selected on a quota basis from the various staff divisions.

This was not an especially good idea, as most of the wing staff officers were older, disgruntled field grade*** officers who hadn't marched in anything but their trip down the matrimonial aisle in a long time. As a lieutenant, being the absolute lowest-ranking officer in my division, there was no doubt that I would march. Most of the other people selected were lieutenant colonels not on flying status, already sour and pissed off because they weren't flying and not the least interested in taking part in parades on the flight line in the broiling sun of a Louisiana summer. I clearly remember standing in the formation at one of our interminable rehearsals listening to a crusty old lieutenant colonel standing behind me muttering, "The only difference between this parade and a Shriners' parade is that in the Shriners' parade, the clowns are all smiling!"

I told you that story as a way of bringing up today's post, which concerns non-smiling clowns.

The clowns to whom I refer would normally have been prime candidates for the Ass Clown of the Month Award, but as I have already bestowed that designation for this month, they'll just have to settle for this minor recognition of their ass-clownery.

I speak, of course, of two of our esteemed elected reprehensives. First is Representative Todd Akin (R, MO), whose comment about "legitimate rape" and the ability of women to self-terminate pregnancies caused by rape were so outrageous that even most Republicans were forced to express some form of outrage ... except for the Missouri Republican Assembly, which stated that "... While Todd may have been indiscreet in his word choice, he was not wrong in his facts."

The second is Representative Kevin Yoder (R, KS), who struck a blow for full disclosure by skinny-dipping in the Sea of Galilee during a Congressional "fact-finding" trip to Israel last year. But don't worry: According to a statement by a spokesman for House Majority Leader Eric Cantor, "Twelve months ago, [Cantor] dealt with this immediately and effectively to ensure such activities would not take place in the future." I feel so much better.

Clowns on parade - isn't it grand?

Have a good day. Enjoy the parade. More thoughts tomorrow.


* For those of you unfamiliar with Air Force positions, the nearest civilian equivalent of a "Wing Commander" would be "God."

** Women hadn't reached those lofty positions yet.

*** Majors and Lieutenant Colonels - generally in their mid-30's to mid-40's.


eViL pOp TaRt said...

Now I'm curious. Why skinny dip in the Sea of Galilee? Does he normally skinny dip, or is this in response to some Biblical theme? Did some modern-day Big John baptize him?

Thanks for the insight into the doings and hierarchy of the Air Force, Bilbo. It sounds like a lieutenant is one who has to take it for the team, and do the ridiculous stuff, when it comes up. The uniforms are swell, though; and you get to fly.

Amanda said...

Well you've now cleared things up a little for me - I could never understand the rank of lieutenant or commander or any of that...

KathyA said...

What? No one is assigned to Congress??? :)

Reminds me of standing in line for a Southwest flight. The only difference between that a loading a cattle car is the mooing. :)

Loved this post!

Big Sky Heidi said...

Todd Akin is a clown. Well spoken.

Mike said...

Even if you give Akin a pass on the misspeak with the word ligitemate, you can't let the part go about self-termination. And this dufus is on the House Science Committee.

The Bastard King of England said...

Two apt clowns needing citing. Well chosen!

allenwoodhaven said...

When he "apologized", he said he was being criticized for "one wrong word". Jeesh!! How out of touch can someone be?

Duckbutt said...

Don't send in the clowns. And don't sing about them. Clowns are evil.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

I agree with Duckbutt Clowns are Evil..but in this case, Ass Clowns are the anti-christ!