Thursday, July 24, 2014

The Old Hard Sell

Agnes and I don't watch all that much television, but when we do we have to grit our teeth and put up with the barrage of commercials for every product under the sun, no matter how obscure or inappropriate it is ...

There must be an enormous market for medications to treat erectile dysfunction ... there are certainly enough commercials for them. And what genius decides to run the commercials in prime time, when children are watching? "Daddy, what's an E-Dee?"

And how about all those ads for medicines to treat ailments you never knew existed? "Be sure to ask your doctor if supercalifragilisticexpialidoxycycline is right for you!" Why would you take any medicine that has a list of contraindications longer than the list of territories claimed by the Chinese government? "Don't take supercalifragilisticexpialidoxycycline if you are male, female, young, old, pregnant, not pregnant, allergic to any substance formed from any material in the periodic table of the elements, or have visited any location within or beyond the orbit of Neptune in the past 30 days. If you experience a sudden change of sex, turn into a cockroach, or have thoughts of running for Congress, stop taking supercalifragilisticexpialidoxycycline."

Oh, and there's a lawyer out there waiting to help you sue for the injuries you never knew you might have received from the things you never knew existed. "Have your Islets of Langerhans suffered damage from uncontrolled sea level rise? Call the law firm of Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe right now ... you may be eligible for significant financial compensation!"* The next series of commercials will no doubt advertise for participants in the class action lawsuits for the people who went blind trying to read the.00000000015 pitch font in which the fine print is written.

And let's not forget the ads for pawn shops, payday loans, and car title loans ... all of which show deliriously happy people singing, dancing, and waving great wads of cash ... who clearly don't realize they'll spend the rest of their lives paying insanely high interest on those loans.

Commercials. The reason God made DVRs.

Have a good day. more thoughts tomorrow.


* Not a cent of which you will ever see once you're done paying the legal fees.


Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

Deferring gratification in watching television by waiting until they are streamed helps avoid those commercials. A bonus: you can watch them when you please.

eViL pOp TaRt said...

My pet peeve: seeing the same commercial in the same program.

Atomic Dog said...

That's a great name for a law firm.

Linda Kay said...

The DVR is definitely worth the few extra bucks per month. I agree about the same commercial twice in one program (or even in the one break), and also love the name of the law firm. I'm also a bit annoyed at the commercials for the "gels" and female products. Really??? On prime time!

Mike said...

Then we have the local commercials made by the local business owners that think they're the funniest people on the planet.