Monday, January 12, 2015

Surviving the Apocalypse in Style

Back in the 1950’s, when ol’ Bilbo was a student in grade school and our homework was done on clay tablets in cuneiform, our parents worried about the apocalypse. Not necessarily the one with the Four Horsemen, which Angel and I have already discussed, but the one with the long-range bombers and missiles ready to sprout mushroom clouds across the country. If you are of my generation, you probably remember the duck-and-cover exercises we did in school, in which we practiced crouching under our desks with laced fingers holding our heads between our knees … obviously the right way to survive a nuclear holocaust.

Nowadays, of course, we laugh at such exercises. Instead, our schoolchildren practice “active shooter” drills in response to the more realistic … and, in many ways, more horrifying … threats we face today.

But such threats lead us to think about dangers that might be equally terrifying, but less likely – like the zombie apocalypse. Television shows like “The Walking Dead” and movies like “World War Z” imagine a world overrun by the walking dead*, and the list of daily book deals I receive by e-mail from BookBub contains an amazingly large number of books about heroic people facing armies of the undead.

And wouldn’t you know, there are those who offer you various measures of protection against the walking dead.

Consider for a moment that Tiger Log Cabins is ready to sell you the ZFC-1 (Zombie Fortification Cabin, Model 1), which comes complete with rooftop barbed wire; a specially designed 4-way chamfered notch-joint system ensuring a tight fit to all boards with little room for damp, wind or zombie penetration; and a ten-year anti-zombie guarantee**. Weapons are, of course, extra.

Of course, the ZFC-1 is intended as a tongue-in-cheek advertising gimmick***. But considering that we live in a world where real products like bullet-resistant backpacks for school children and bullet-proof whiteboards are being sold to protect our children against real dangers, as well as the "everybody coffin" for use in responding to "mass casualty events," I think I'll take the zombies any day.

At least they're slow, and don't pack heat or seek "martyrdom."

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.


* As opposed to the simply brain-dead, which would focus on the shambling mental zombies of Congress.

** According to the Tiger website, medical evidence of the presence of a real zombie is required to support a claim under the 10 year anti zombie guarantee.

*** I think.


eViL pOp TaRt said...

The zombie-proof fort (house, compound) is very clever! The bullet proof backpacks at $378 is alarming! No, this isn't like school should be.

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

The zombie house could also serve when husbands or kids get in the doghouse. It could be a nice hunting cabin, too.

Grand Crapaud said...

These zombie fortification cabins might also be useful against Congress.

Linda Kay said...

I remember the drills well, Bilbo..We had a friend who wanted to build a bomb proof underground place for all of our friends to go, just in case. We'd stock it with food, etc. I suggested to him that when the time came, I'd keep him out of it to let my family in. But zombies? Really?

Mike said...

I also remember duck and cover. Don't look at the flash!!

allenwoodhaven said...

I remember they brought us all to the auditorium for those drills as it had no windows to the outdoors. I think that was supposed to protect us from the shock wave. Our procession had to be very serious and we wondered why we'd be target in upstate New York.

Big Sky Heidi said...

I can deal with zombies. It's the telephone sales I can't stand.

John Hill said...

I read about a mortician that said he always ties the shoe laces together...just in case!