Thursday, January 01, 2015

Announcing the 2014 Ass Clown of the Year!

2014 was a year filled with some of the most amazingly deserving ass clowns we've ever seen. The world of politics alone gave us many stellar candidates, and it was never a problem finding someone upon whom to bestow our biweekly award.

But it's time to announce the one nominee who has risen, like the biggest chunk in the septic tank, to the pinnacle of ass clownery, deserving of the supreme accolade of

2014 Ass Clown of the Year

This year's voting was hot and heavy right up to the deadline at midnight on New Year's Eve, and represented not only strong showings from ass clowns named during the course of the year, but new individuals and groups nominated by you, Dear Readers. Let's count down the top vote-getters on the way to the announcement of this year's Ass Clown of the Year ...

In fifth place, with 14 votes -  The Taliban

In fourth place, with 17 votes - Texas Senator Ted Cruz

In third place, with 51 votes - ISIS/"The Islamic State"

In second place, with 149 votes - The Republican Congressional Leadership

And now, ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to announce the 2014 Ass Clown of the Year, finishing with 189 votes - 

Former Vice President Dick Cheney

Mr Cheney also received our last Ass Clown of the Month award in 2014, and I believe that what I wrote at that time also serves as a fitting citation for his annual award:

Amid the furor that arose over the release of a Congressional report detailing the use of torture on terrorism suspects, Mr Cheney strongly defended the controversial program, saying that he has "no regrets" and "would do it again in a minute."

While many argue that the torture of individuals responsible for the despicable murder of innocents simply shows that they are reaping what they've sown, America has always stood for the rule of law and justice - even when it's hard, and even when such rules have been mocked and ignored by other nations and groups. By resorting to the terrible actions for which we have so often condemned other regimes, we have lowered ourselves to their level and have forfeited the moral high ground. Mr Cheney's defense of such actions is unworthy of a former Vice President ... and, indeed, of anyone who holds American values dear.

I believe that Mr Cheney has done more to damage America's reputation and standing in the world than almost anyone else in our history.

And although I believe the choice of Mr Cheney was a righteous outcome of the voting, I also believe that the second-place finisher, the Republican Congressional Leadership, deserves at the very least a dishonorable mention for its role in making our government an ineffectual laughingstock.

My conservative friends (and yes, I do have some), will insist that the Democratic Congressional Leadership* is equally at fault for the miserable condition of our government and economy. I would argue, though, that the apocalyptic and frequently downright dishonest language used by the Republican leadership and rank and file, and the reflexive opposition to everything proposed by the President** go well beyond the bounds of principled opposition and soar to lofty heights of petulant childishness***.

In the interest of full disclosure, here are the rest of the results of the voting:

The Democratic Congressional Leadership - 13 votes;

The New York City Cop Killer(s) - 9 votes;

Vladimir Putin - 8 votes;

The News Media - 4 votes;

MIT Professor Jonathan Gruber - 3 votes;

The American Voter, Mitch McConnell, and The Supreme Court - 2 votes each;

Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden, and "People Who Think Republicans Are the Problem" - one vote each.

Thanks to everyone who voted in this year's totally unscientific, yet entertaining and revealing contest. We will continue to designate new Ass Clowns on a biweekly basis, with the first for 2015 to be announced on Friday,  January 9th.

Have a good day and a safe, happy, and healthy new year. More thoughts coming.


* The Democratic Congressional Leadership received 13 votes ... 15, if we count the single vote each earned by House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, and 16 if we count the single vote received by Vice President Biden, who serves in a Constitutional role as President of the Senate.

** Consider the amount of time and effort wasted on more than 50 votes to either overturn the Affordable Care Act in total or defund all or parts of it ... without proposing anything to replace it, or to address the fundamental issue of skyrocketing medical care costs.

*** It is often argued - truthfully - that Democrats were grossly intemperate in their denunciation of former President George W. Bush. This, of course, makes it all right for Republicans to do the same. Do we not teach our children that "well, he did it first!" is not an acceptable excuse for bad behavior?


Linda Kay said...

I'll go along with the final vote on the ACY, and being a more conservative I appreciate you recognizing both parties being at fault. There has to be a way to minimize all the infighting, but I don't have the solution. Happy New Year...on to a hopefully more productive year in our country's legislature.

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Dick Cheney would be better served by adopting a resolution to say less.

I still don't like the Democratic leadership.

KathyA said...

Ted Cruz!! What? Oh we've done that. already!

Mike said...

I'm happy to see VP Dick won and I didn't have to sneak in a couple of hundred votes at the end to do it. I'm glad I voted for him as many times as I did and I would do it again!

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

They're all winners, in my opinion.

allenwoodhaven said...

The pick for the Ass Clown of the Year is most deserving. I'd cite all kinds of reasons but you said it so eloquently that I don't want to add a single word.

ISIS and the Taliban are worthy, but I feel that we should have a domestic source for such a prestigious award. God knows we have more than enough candidates!

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

Dick Cheney could be the leader of the group for years to come and has been in years past. Someone once said that it's amazing he's still alive. Well, he doesn't really have a heart does he? To me he is as evil as isil, just in a different way. But evil is evil.
This is only my humble opinion, do not write to poor Bilbo!