Monday, March 16, 2015


I ran across an interesting concept the other day while reading an article about the exploration of other worlds in our Solar System and beyond: extremeophiles.

An extremeophile is an organism that exists in extreme environments such as hydrothermal vents deep in the ocean, or in total darkness and cold under thousands of feet of antarctic ice. Scientists are interested in studying such creatures because their ability to live in extremes of pressure, temperature and atmosphere can tell us about the range of conditions under which life might be possible on other worlds.

This is, of course, fascinating for exobiologists and science fiction writers, but the concept of extremeophile life forms has wider applicability. It helps explain why various types of parasitic creatures not only survive, but thrive in extremes of heat and pressure such as exist in Washington, DC. These include ...

Tomcottonus Arkansasensis Dumbassisus, noted for it's inability to comprehend the long-term consequences of immediately-gratifying actions;

Hillarious Clintonis Enigmatus, which camouflages its electrical emissions to hide them from predators;

Scottwalker Unionbustis Wisconsinensis, which aggressively seeks out and destroys groups of organisms that band together for mutual advantage and protection;

O'Reilly Reportatus Deceptoris, which - although of fearsome appearance - relies on bluster and volume for self-defense, compensating for its weaknesses by generating thunderous bursts of noise when it perceives an attack upon its nest;


Tedcruzius Texanibus Insanis, limited in intelligence but extremely aggressive, particularly toward organisms which developed in other environments. Able to survive in frigid environments because of its unparalleled ability to generate limitless amounts of hot air.

Some of these creatures are cultivated by breeders who feed them huge amounts of cash in expectation of being able to milk them in the future, while others exist in an untamed and uncontrolled state, feeding on the negative energy generated during the political hissy fits that have replaced principled discussion and debate.

And most extremeophiles exhibit an amazing ability to change their colors and behaviors rapidly to adjust to changes in their political environments, often suddenly jettisoning long-held beliefs and positions in order to appeal to other organisms in new environments. Only the most extreme of extremeophiles, generally belonging to the subfamily Teapartius Crazius, do not reflect this ability, being absolutely resistant to any change, no matter what changes occur in their surroundings.

There are surely a lot more extremophiles out there ... which ones did I miss? Leave a comment.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.



eViL pOp TaRt said...

You got a few. The Tea Partius Crazius is the one in which evolution is against him. But she/he/it is likely to deny evolution anyway.

Anemone said...

Well, there's that crazy Alabama judge.

Mike said...

Kochbrotherus greedyis don't care about youis.

The Bastard King of England said...

Greedy bastards, aren't they?