Monday, June 15, 2015

Bring Back the Cone of Silence!


One of the most annoying things ever invented is the cellular telephone. Oh, I'll grant you that it has its uses ... it's superb for sending text messages, surfing the web, making videos of police activity, shooting selfies, and tracking your workout. It's even useful for making telephone calls, often without regard for the unintended audience of the call.

We've all had the wonderful experience of sitting in a restaurant or an airport waiting area or some other public space and being treated to the loud and often highly personal conversations being carried on by some clueless twits on their cell phones. I believe I've written here before about the very loud and angry conversation I overheard while waiting for a flight at Washington National Airport* ... in which the furious caller was berating the person on the other end for not getting him his desired appointment with his urologist. I have often overheard highly personal calls between lovers emanating from stalls in Pentagon rest rooms. And fellow blogger Kathy ranted on Facebook the other day about an ass clown at Houston Airport who had been talking loudly on his phone for about 30 minutes about his cousin whom he was visiting who was "nuts" and needed immediate commitment as the caller "fear(ed) for his life."**

What is it about cell phones that encourages people to share their most intimate and distressing affairs in public? More importantly, how can we make them stop?

I say we bring back the Cone of Silence.

Some of you may remember the 1960's vintage TV comedy "Get Smart," in which Don Adams played bumbling secret agent Maxwell Smart in a Mel Brooks parody of the secret agent films and TV shows popular at the time. Agent Smart was famous for the telephone hidden in his shoe, and for the famous security device known as the "Cone of Silence." When Smart was meeting with his boss ("The Chief," played by Edward Pratt), he would often call for employment of the Cone of Silence to ensure that their conversation would remain private ...


The problem was that while the Cone of Silence prevented people outside from listening in on the conversation, the people inside couldn't understand each other because of the tremendous echo. There was also a portable version of the Cone of Silence for use outside the headquarters (which suffered from the same problem) ...


I'm thinking that a portable Cone of Silence would be a great thing for people addicted to their cell phones. We could create a special device with a built-in cell phone that people could simply wear when they wanted to make a personal call in public. It might look something like this ...


I'll be the first one to volunteer to bolt it on the head of some publicly-nattering ass clown.

Have a good day. Keep your private calls private.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Sorry, but I refuse to call it "Reagan National" airport. The GOP has already named enough things in the greater DC area after Saint Ronald.

** Adapted from Kathy's somewhat longer and pithier description of the call.

7 comments:

eViL pOp TaRt said...

I think that religion, adjusting one's bra or undies, and cell phone use should be done privately. Before 2016 is over, I will probably add politics!

Linda Kay said...

Great observation and solution. I really try not to carry on a conversation when I'm out in public, except to maybe answer a quick question. I'd rather text.

Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer said...

In the old days of phone booths people were not subject to the nattering on of others. Plus it cost a quarter to make acall.

Mike said...

I like to tell people that if they want to find out how bad cell phones are do the following. Stand about 10 feet away from another person. Call them on their cell phone. Now try and hold a conversation over the cell phone while you are looking at them. That half second delay will drive you nuts.

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

Using cell phones in restaurants or in theatres sucks! And how can one pee when someone is nattering on?

allenwoodhaven said...

Excellent post. I think your solution is very practical and ingenious. We could get a lot of amusement as we saw so many people wearing diver's helmets!

allenwoodhaven said...

I meant to mention that just this afternoon I referred to the Cone of Silence. I had forgotten about the portable version; it's classic Get Smart!