Of Governments and Problems

One of the touchstones of conservative Republican dogma is summed up in the famous quote from Saint Ronald Reagan: “In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem.”

Although the full quote, heard in context, was a response to the poor economic conditions of the late 1970's and early 1980's, and Reagan's belief that misguided government policies were responsible for those conditions, only part of his comment is remembered and has been adopted as dogma by the Cut Government/Eliminate Regulations/Slash Taxes Right:

"government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem.”

I think the recent Petulant Trump Shutdown™ of parts of the federal government showed pretty clearly that the government, for good or ill, is an essential part of our lives, and that recklessly closing it down causes vast damage to the nation. Consider that the preamble to the Constitution - the document piously invoked by elected officials who seldom seem to have actually read and comprehended it - states that the Constitution was "ordained and established" to

"...establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty..."

So, how well did the Petulant Trump Shutdown™ align with the intent of the Constitution? Let's see ...

1. "Establish Justice." Federal courts nearly ran out of money. Guards in dangerous federal prisons were forced to work without pay*.  

2. "Insure domestic Tranquility." There was no tranquility for the families of furloughed federal workers, federal workers forced to work without pay, federal contractors (who, unlike federal workers, are unlikely to be paid after the standoff), and millions of business owners whose livelihood depends upon the business provided by government workers.

3. "Provide for the common defence." TSA workers, responsible for securing our air travel against criminal and terroristic threats, were forced to work without pay. Members of the Coast Guard - the men and women who rescue those in danger at sea, and our first line of defense against drugs imported by sea - were forced to work without pay. Border Patrol agents - who defend the Trump Sacred Borders against vast, surging armies of illegal immigrants, drug smugglers, and vicious gangs that drag helpless, duct-taped women across the border and into sex slavery** - were forced to work without pay. FBI agents - who protect us from organized crime, espionage, and terrorism and who are unfairly and stupidly maligned and undercut at every opportunity by Trump and his loyalists and enablers, were forced to work without pay.

4. "Promote the general Welfare." It would be difficult to argue that the "general welfare" was promoted by the Petulant Trump Shutdown™ that cost the nation an estimated $11 billion - of which an estimated $3 billion is irretrievably lost. 

5. "Secure the Blessings of Liberty." I think you'd be hard-pressed to find anything secured by the Petulant Trump Shutdown™ ... except the reputation of an administration stacked with billionaires as being out of touch with the experiences and needs of average Americans.

If the Petulant Trump Shutdown™ proved anything, it proved that government is an essential part of modern America, and that it needs to work and work well. I don't like paying taxes any more than anyone else, but I appreciate that the taxes I pay ensure my air travel is safe, that my food and medicine are wholesome and safe, and that criminals are pursued, arrested, and punished***.

If, in mid-February, we endure a second Petulant Trump Shutdown™, the lesson will be that the problem is not the government, but a childish and incompetent president and his enablers who all need to be replaced by people willing to rise to the challenge of actually governing. One can only hope that Congress ... which has hitherto shown a complete lack of spine ... will rise to the occasion and do its Constitutionally-mandated job.

But I'm not holding my breath, and neither should you.

Have a good day. Expect better. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* "Forced to work without pay" is what we used to call "slavery."

** Just ask Trump. And consider where he may have gotten the story.

*** Unless, of course, they are wealthy and well-connected and able to hire the very best lawyers.

National Hat Day

I regularly visit an interesting website that lists all the days, weeks, and months which have received special designations. There are, of course, days, weeks, and months to honor or commemorate just about everything you can imagine (and a lot of things you probably couldn't), and it turns out that today - January 15th - has been designated as National Hat Day.

Hats aren't very much in fashion nowadays unless you are the Queen of England

or you need a silly Grandpa Hat to wear in the sun

or you need to wear one as part of a uniform

so I suspect that National Hat Day is an invention of the Milliners Guild or some other organization devoted to advancing the cause of decorative (and, doubtless, expensive) headwear.

But hats aren't just decorative ... they serve many other purposes, such as identification, protection, and messaging. In present-day America, for example, one commonly observes the "MAGA" hats worn by die-hard Trump supporters

and the ever-popular tinfoil hats ... also worn by many Trump supporters as well as by those on the far left of the political spectrum. These come in many shapes and sizes, from the simple

to the complex

and even the playful

Of course, there is also the special version made for the Trump supporter who needs protection from unwelcome ideas but is unwilling to give up the messaging value of his or her Trump-approved headgear.

So, Dear Readers, happy National Hat Day! Wear 'em if you got 'em!

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Thinking About the Next New Element

While researching the daily compilation of famous birthdays and historical events I publish on my Facebook page, I learned that on this date in 1939 a French physicist named Marguerite Perey discovered the element Francium, the last naturally-occurring element to be discovered. Every subsequently-discovered element has been identified using particle accelerators and nuclear reactions to add protons to elements that already exist.

I'm thinking about this in two ways.

First, Francium was discovered by a woman. At a time when we're pushing to get more women into STEM* careers, it's worth remembering that women have always been making their mark in science ... indeed, Mme Perey was a student of the great Marie Curie, the discoverer of the element Radium and the only person to win a Nobel Prize in two different sciences (physics and chemistry).

Second, the name Francium was derived from the name of the country in which it was identified (France, of course). I'm not sure what the formal process is for determining the names of new elements, but I imagine that had it been discovered in present-day America, it would have been named Trumpium ... because who knows more about chemistry and physics** than Donald Trump? And who is better about putting his name on things in big letters?***

Which leads me to another thought ... what might be the properties of a new element named in honor of Donald Trump? Would it be completely inert or have wildly unpredictable properties? Would it be a dense solid or a gas whose properties are difficult to pin down? What color would it be?^† It would surely not exist in nature, but would arise from the breakdown of other, more stable elements; indeed, it would probably work as a powerful catalyst for the destruction of more useful compounds.

Any other ideas? It's elementary, after all.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics.

** And everything else, too ... just ask him.

*** Well, until they become a national embarrassment, like the Trump Shutdown. 

† I'm not going for the obvious comment.

"Educational Density"

I was listening to an interesting discussion on my local NPR station the other day in which the panelists and callers were discussing the various reasons why various groups of people vote the way they do, often in clear opposition to their own interests, and at one point in the discussion, one of the panelists referred to the role of educational density in group voting.

Educational density in this context referred to the percentage in a given city, state, or other voting region of a particular group of citizens who shared a particular level of education - grade school, high school, or college - with the idea being that the relative distribution of education levels can predict how a particular group or region will vote.

As I look at present-day America, I have another possible definition of educational density. In this definition, it refers to the ossification of one's way of thinking as a result of one's level of education ... such as, these damn college-educated elitists don't understand real people, or those high-school yahoos just don't understand how the world really works.

Speaking as one of those damn college-educated elitists, I believe that a lower level of education can lead to insular thinking and a failure to recognize the critical importance of interactions among people, nations and economies. I also believe that a higher level of education can lead to a tendency to ignore the day-to-day concerns of those whose points of view come from the school of hard knocks rather than the ivy-covered walls of academe.

It's important in our current supercharged, politically angry climate to understand the role of educational density not just as a convenient (if dodgy) predictor of voting patterns, but also as a danger to clear thinking. As I've often said here before, Bilbo's First Law applies: don't let anyone else do your thinking for you.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Thinking about Mission: Impossible

No, this isn't about saving the republic from Donald Trump.

The latest film in the Tom Cruise Mission: Impossible series - number six, titled Fallout - has opened to rave reviews. It's been called "the most exciting mission yet" and "the summer's best movie" ... one review breathlessly proclaims, "Fallout is the summer’s greatest diversion, a non-stop pummeling of the senses that will activate the dumbest parts of your brain and temporarily convince you that what you are screaming, gasping, and laughing at is, in fact, possible."

Well, I'm sorry, but I'm not impressed. I haven't seen the movie yet, but I've seen the first five in the series, and while they were exciting in their way, I was very disappointed. I don't think any of them lived up to what I loved about the classic Mission: Impossible TV series.

The Mission: Impossible movies are simply star vehicles for Tom Cruise and a host of pyrotechnics experts, armorers, and stunt drivers. The old TV show was different, in a critical way.

In the TV series, the IM Force, led first by Dan Briggs and later by Jim Phelps, developed insanely complicated plans to bring down really bad bad guys. But they didn't rely on pyrotechnics, gunfights, and fierce martial arts combat ... they relied on psychology and on intricate schemes that would not only result in the defeat and ruin of the villains, but would leave them utterly horror-struck and unable to comprehend what had just happened to them.

The TV series was exciting because it was quietly suspenseful. Unbelievable, yes, but suspenseful. Consider the episode titled "Old Man Out," when the IM Force rescued an elderly religious leader imprisoned in an escape-proof fortress: the plan involved getting a member of the team into the prison to sail the old man out on a zip line ... right above the heads of the unsuspecting guards, who were distracted by the circus* the rest of the team was staging outside the walls. Or the episode in which they hijacked a passenger train and hid it in a warehouse where they staged an entire journey culminating in a huge crash ... all in order to unmask the perfidy of a foreign leader's key advisor. Want more? Here's an article that summarizes some of the best episodes.

I'll watch the movies, but the TV show was a lot better.

And I don't like Tom Cruise, anyhow.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* We're still being distracted by circuses, aren't we?

Dealing with Assholes

I'm number 14 on the waiting list at my local library for a book I couldn't possibly pass up - The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt.

Author Robert Sutton defines an asshole as "... someone who leaves us feeling demeaned, de-energized, disrespected, and/or oppressed. In other words, someone who makes you feel like dirt," and goes on to theorize that there are two types of assholes: "certified" and "temporary." Dr Sutton suggests that we all have the capacity to be temporary assholes under the proper conditions*, while a certified asshole is someone who always treats people poorly, and takes pleasure in the misery of others. For an interview in which he spells out his theories of what assholes are and why they act the way they do, check out this interview on Vox.com - "A Stanford Psychologist on the Art of Avoiding Assholes."

In the course of my life, I've had to deal with some pretty despicable human beings who reveled in making my life, and the lives of those I love, miserable. Sadly, dealing with people like that is never easy, particularly when they can't be ignored or avoided. Nevertheless, Dr Sutton suggests that one of the best, if most difficult, approaches to dealing with an asshole is to "... simply learn not to give a s**t. Not giving a s**t takes the wind out of [his] sails." He won't change, but if you're able to ignore him as if he were an annoying insect, it can help you get on with your life.

My most annoying asshole, sadly, can't be ignored ... and so I'm waiting rather impatiently for my name to creep up the waiting list for Dr Sutton's book to get some other ideas. I'm willing to try just about anything that won't attract the attention of the coroner.

Suggestions welcome.

Have a good day, and avoid assholes when you can. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* This is true. I try hard to treat everyone well, and it takes quite a bit to wake up my inner asshole, but if someone is willing to go to enough trouble to do it, I'll gladly try to make it worth their while. The problem, sadly, is that a true certified asshole doesn't care about the feelings of anyone else, and I'm not sure that I could out-asshole a true professional.

How to Lose Your Mind

It hardly seems necessary in the current environment to dedicate a blog post to the various ways to lose your mind, but I was inspired to do so by this article from How Stuff Works: 10 Surprising Ways to Lose Your Mind. I found most of them to be not particularly surprising, as you will see from my comments on the list, discussed below:

10. Having a Child. The article focuses on the impact of childbearing and child rearing on women, but I can tell you from experience that being a father - particularly of a girl - can easily cause a man to lose his mind, too. As someone famously said, "Insanity is hereditary ... you get it from your kids."

9. Experiencing a Trauma. A serious accident or illness, physical or sexual assault, or other form of major trauma can cause serious mental issues. This is pretty obvious, and we see it around us in the prevalence of post-traumatic stress disorder in soldiers returning from war. It does not apply, in my admittedly humble opinion, to the perceived trauma of dealing with unpleasant facts or "trigger words," even though some idiots do lose their minds over them.

8. Falling in Love. I think this one goes without saying.

7. Visiting Paris. I found this one interesting ... it's based on the disconnect between the experience of the beauty and cultural richness of Paris and the fact that it's a big city with all the usual big-city problems ... not to mention it's full of Frenchmen.

6. Visiting Jerusalem. Like visiting Paris, this one is based on overload: the sense of "being overcome by the historic, political and religious importance of the holy city." Religion - whether Christianity, Judaism, or Islam - can cause people to lose their minds in any case (see below).

5. Dementia. This is at the top of the list of things that scare me, as the thought of actually losing my mind is the most horrible thing I can imagine. I watched my mother slowly decline from a witty, well-read, well-educated lady to an empty shell, and the thought it could happen to me is utterly terrifying.

4. Talking to an Attractive Woman. Speaking as a man, I agree that this is 100% true. No matter what he tells you, any man - no matter how studly and self-assured - can be reduced to a drooling imbecile by an attractive woman.

3. Menopause. I'll never experience this one, but from the experience of knowing many ladies who have gone through it, I can only imagine its impact on one's mind.

2. Solitary Confinement. This is another one I'll never experience (at least I hope so). But as a pretty social sort of guy, I think I'd probably go totally batshit crazy in short order.

And finally,

1. Exuberance. In the context of this article, exuberance refers to the mental and emotional changes that occur in teenage humans during puberty, when the pressures of social and physical challenges associated with the transition to adulthood can lead to ... well ... often inappropriate behavior.

Now, those are ten interesting ways to lose one's mind, but I can add a few more ...

Extreme Political Beliefs. Look at the most extreme adherents of the right and the left in modern America, able to communicate with each other only in sneering insults and completely unable to accept that their opponents may have worthwhile ideas and that they share the same goal, which is a better country for everyone.

Extreme Religious Beliefs. Donald Trump and the far right hyperventilate over radical Islamic terrorism, but religious extremism is hardly limited to Muslims. Few things can make people lose their minds more than complete and total focus on a set of religious beliefs that demonize those who believe in any other faith.

What are the things that make you lose your mind? Leave a comment now, before it happens.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Secrets? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Secrets!*

We Americans have a conflicted relationship with the loose confederation of government agencies we collectively call "The Intelligence Community." Because suspicion (if not downright hatred) of government is in our national DNA, it's only natural that we focus that suspicion and hatred on those organizations the government creates to collect information ... after all, they might be collecting information about us, right?

But you have to feel a little sorry for the people who run the elements of the Intelligence Community, whose status and public approval rank right up there with, say, the Directors of the IRS or the ATF**. Think about it ... whenever some terrorist attack happens or government somewhere gets overthrown, you get hauled before a Congressional committee or two to get yelled at because you didn't stop it from happening. You can't tell anyone about the successful things you did, because they're all secret. Everybody in the country knows how to do the job better than you do, and everyone works hard to uncover all your secrets, because we Americans know that secret is bad ... anything kept secret is obviously being kept secret because it's protecting something bad. Everyone wants to know who your sources of information are, and when you try to protect them, it's obviously because you're hiding something bad. Of course, if you're Devin Nunes you can blithely and arrogantly refuse to name your sources.

Yes, it's not easy to be part of the Intelligence Community in this country, when you get blamed for everything that goes wrong, and when it seems as if the whole country is working against you. You must sometimes wonder if the intelligence services of other countries don't have it better. After all, when was the last time you saw the Head of the Russian FSB hauled in front of six committees of the Federal Assembly to explain how it is that opponents of Vladimir Putin are dropping like flies, or the Head of the Chinese Ministry for State Security required to testify about economic espionage or the suppression of rights in Tibet?

Well, none of that matters, because we're Americans and the only things that matter are the things that happen here at home. Who cares what the rest of the world does ... makes no difference to us here, right?

But because you care about protecting yourselves from the tyrannical power and overreach of the Big Bad Government™ and its evil minions, you need to know everything that government does, no matter why it's secret. And so, as a public service, here is an up-to-the-minute diagram of the structure of the dreaded CIA, with the latest Trump administration changes to improve its laser focus on people who don't like Trump. Click it to embiggen it for easier reading ...

Don't thank me. It's all part of my relentless efforts to make sure you are warm and comfortable in your happily tailored information bubble.

Move on, folks, nothing to see here.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* With apologies to the original line.

** Oops ... ATF hasn't had a Director since 2015 because the GOP keeps blocking nominees. It's being led by an "Acting Director." Sorry.

Who Gets the Bill?

According to news reports (real, rather than faked), New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio has sent a letter to the Obama Administration requesting $35 million to cover the cost of providing police protection to Trump Tower in midtown Manhattan between now and the January inauguration.

I don't know for sure, but it seems likely to me that hizzoner has sent the letter to the present administration because of Mr Trump's history of making good on his debts.

That is all.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Health Assessment

This afternoon, I have my first "health assessment" since I turned 65 and became a card-carrying, Medicare-covered old geezer. The good news is that I was able to get my old doctor back when I regained the health care coverage I lost when I retired back in April. The bad news is that the appointment probably won't be long enough to address the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to*.

I don't know what the doctor will have to say after he's reviewed all the test results and probed my nether regions, but if he comes back into the room wearing a hazmat suit I'll take it as a bad sign.

Have a good day. If you need a second opinion, ask Mr Trump - he'll tell you that the day is going to be terrible, and only he can fix it.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Sorry, Hamlet.

The Things Parties Believe In

I read an interesting article by Mike DeBonis in the Washington Post last Friday - House Speaker Torn Between Principles, Duty to His Party*. The article analyzes the dilemma in which House Speaker Paul Ryan finds himself as he tries to stay true to his conservative credentials while figuring out how to work with presumptive GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump, who appeals to many conservatives even though his conservative credentials are, to say the least, confused.

The entire article is interesting and worth reading, but this quote from Speaker Ryan caught my attention:

“Look, there are just things we really believe in as conservatives ... We believe in limited government. We believe in the Constitution. We believe in the proper role of the differences in the separation of powers. We believe in things like life … These are things that are important to us.”

Let's look at this piece by piece:

1. "We believe in limited government." That's true - conservatives hate big government, but everyone - including conservatives - wants it to do certain things. Conservatives want the government to stay out of the way of business, but support policies that benefit businesses and the wealthy. Limitations on government appear to apply only to those things the government does that assist average citizens.

2. "We believe in the Constitution." The implication, of course, is that everyone not a conservative doesn't believe in the Constitution. This is, of course, nonsense. Anyone who has studied American history knows that the Constitution as it was originally written was the product of endless argument and gritted-teeth compromises among various factions representing powerful central government, weak central government and strong states, manufacturing and trade vs agrarian principles, free states vs slave states, etc. The Constitution that we worship today was never a monolithic statement of unchanging principles, but the end result of what could be achieved through consensus among bitterly divided factions. For a useful primer on all of this, read the recent book by Fergus Bordewich titled The First Congress: How James Madison, George Washington, and a Group of Extraordinary Men Invented the Government.

3. "We believe in the proper role of the differences in the separation of powers." The Constitution established a government structure with three independent parts: Legislative (to write the laws), Executive (to carry out the laws), and Judicial (to interpret the laws). This recognized the principle of separation of powers, allowing the three branches of government to balance each other and preventing any one of them from accumulating too much power. This, of course, assumed that the three branches of government would generally work together in the common interest ... which is not the situation in which we find ourselves today. What happens when, as today, the Congress is totally deadlocked and inflexibly opposed to the agenda of the elected president? The Legislature is enraged when the president attempts to make things happen by exercising independent executive authority (whether explicitly authorized by the Constitution** or not), and when the Judiciary attempts to do things the Legislature cannot or will not do***. What we see today is not the separation of powers envisioned by the Founders, but the exercise (or lack of exercise) of Constitutionally-granted powers because of political spite.

4. "We believe in things like life." The implication is that everyone other than conservatives opposes life. This is ridiculous and a distortion of the legal and moral quagmire that is the "right to life vs right to choose" argument. Without wading into a hopeless discussion of the moral, legal, political, and religious debates over the subject, let's just accept as a given that conservatives in general approach the issue from a religious/moral perspective, and liberals approach it in general from a woman's freedom of choice perspective ... and freedom of choice is, oddly enough, a generally conservative position.

The point that I'm trying to drive home in my own windy way is that neither Republicans nor Democrats have a monopoly on Constitutional interpretation. The two parties have fundamentally different paths to the same goal: a representative government, based on law, that works on behalf of the people who elected it. Republican political and economic philosophy focuses on the betterment of conditions for business and the wealthy, on the assumption that such policies will ultimately benefit everyone^†. Democratic political and economic philosophy, on the other hand, focuses on policies that stress inclusivity and universal economic and political opportunity as a way of improving conditions for all.

There are probably areas in which the two parties might be able to agree, but they're so busy demonizing each other and engaging in cheap point-scoring and deliberate distortions of each other's positions that such agreement is unlikely. If nothing else, agreement of any kind with the other side (particularly a Republican accused of the rank heresy of agreeing with a Democrat) leads to the individual being ostracized and sidelined in favor of someone more politically and socially extreme.

It's going to be a long, hard ride to the election in November, and the new administration that takes charge next January will have its work cut out for it. If the Democrats win the White House and the Republicans keep control of Congress, just buy more booze and hunker down for the next four years.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* That was the print title. The online title is different.

** See Article II, Section 2, Clause 3.

*** This is that gawdawful "legislating from the bench" cry screamed by whichever side's political ox is being gored.

† The "rising tide lifts all boats" argument, also known by the somewhat disingenuous name of "trickle-down economics."

Next Time ...

Just a simple thought for today ...

That is all.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Naming Things

Those of us who live here in the National Capitol Region have grown used to some oddly-chosen names for places, buildings, and major highways.

For example, US Route 1 from Washington south to Richmond, Virginia, is known locally as "The Jefferson Davis Highway" ... making us one of the few nations that would name a major artery after a traitor (Jefferson Davis, for those of you reading this in other countries, was the president of the Southern states during the Civil War*). We also have Route 50 - the "Lee-Jackson Memorial Highway" - named for two famous Southern civil war generals, not to mention the Army's nearby Fort A.P. Hill, named for yet another Southern general.

We don't just name things after traitors, although if we did we might consider renaming DC's Blue Plains Sewage Treatment Plant in honor of Edward Snowdon. For instance, Interstate 95/395, the major north-south artery into Washington known as the "Henry G. Shirley Memorial Highway," was named for a former Virginia Highway Commissioner, a major bridge over the Potomac River is named for President Woodrow Wilson, and a stretch of state route 234 in Prince William County is known as "The Ronald Wilson Reagan Memorial Highway." Former president Reagan's name also graces the Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center and Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport**.

But if we were to do some appropriate naming, we might make other choices.

For instance, since Interstate 95/395 (north-south) and Interstate 66 (east-west) are traffic-choked nightmares on which one can sit for hours in miserable gridlock, why not name one "The US Senate Highway" and the other "The US House of Representatives Highway?"

And why not name more of our local landmarks in honor of their corporate owners, the way we name sports arenas ... like "The Koch Brothers Capitol Hill." We could also name them in honor of those who provide them with large amounts of business, like the National Rifle Association Emergency Room of the Washington Hospital.

Looking beyond Washington, why not rename Mount St Helens as "Mount Cruz," in honor of the large quantities of hot air and poisonous gas vented by the senator from Texas?

Any other ideas? Leave a comment. Inquiring minds want to know.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Known in much of the South, where Confederate figures are still frequently revered as heroes, as "The War of Northern Aggression." 

** If they could figure out how to do it, the GOP would change the name of Washington, DC, to Reagan City ... or "Ciudad Reagan," in an attempt to cozy up to Hispanic voters.

Bring Back the Cone of Silence!

One of the most annoying things ever invented is the cellular telephone. Oh, I'll grant you that it has its uses ... it's superb for sending text messages, surfing the web, making videos of police activity, shooting selfies, and tracking your workout. It's even useful for making telephone calls, often without regard for the unintended audience of the call.

We've all had the wonderful experience of sitting in a restaurant or an airport waiting area or some other public space and being treated to the loud and often highly personal conversations being carried on by some clueless twits on their cell phones. I believe I've written here before about the very loud and angry conversation I overheard while waiting for a flight at Washington National Airport* ... in which the furious caller was berating the person on the other end for not getting him his desired appointment with his urologist. I have often overheard highly personal calls between lovers emanating from stalls in Pentagon rest rooms. And fellow blogger Kathy ranted on Facebook the other day about an ass clown at Houston Airport who had been talking loudly on his phone for about 30 minutes about his cousin whom he was visiting who was "nuts" and needed immediate commitment as the caller "fear(ed) for his life."**

What is it about cell phones that encourages people to share their most intimate and distressing affairs in public? More importantly, how can we make them stop?

I say we bring back the Cone of Silence.

Some of you may remember the 1960's vintage TV comedy "Get Smart," in which Don Adams played bumbling secret agent Maxwell Smart in a Mel Brooks parody of the secret agent films and TV shows popular at the time. Agent Smart was famous for the telephone hidden in his shoe, and for the famous security device known as the "Cone of Silence." When Smart was meeting with his boss ("The Chief," played by Edward Pratt), he would often call for employment of the Cone of Silence to ensure that their conversation would remain private ...

The problem was that while the Cone of Silence prevented people outside from listening in on the conversation, the people inside couldn't understand each other because of the tremendous echo. There was also a portable version of the Cone of Silence for use outside the headquarters (which suffered from the same problem) ...

I'm thinking that a portable Cone of Silence would be a great thing for people addicted to their cell phones. We could create a special device with a built-in cell phone that people could simply wear when they wanted to make a personal call in public. It might look something like this ...

I'll be the first one to volunteer to bolt it on the head of some publicly-nattering ass clown.

Have a good day. Keep your private calls private.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Sorry, but I refuse to call it "Reagan National" airport. The GOP has already named enough things in the greater DC area after Saint Ronald.

** Adapted from Kathy's somewhat longer and pithier description of the call.

April Fools' Day

Today is Wednesday, April 1^st … the day commonly known as “April Fools’ Day.” It’s a day when people play practical jokes on each other and the media report bizarre, made-up stories with no factual basis*. April Fool’s Day has been a popular quasi-holiday since the 1800’s … it’s not an official national holiday anywhere, but it is well-known and widely observed in Canada, Europe, Australia, Brazil and – of course - the United States.

One of the best April Fool pranks ever was played by the Guardian newspaper on April 1, 1977, when it printed a seven-page supplement commemorating the tenth anniversary of the independence of the island nation of San Serriffe, complete with maps and themed advertisements from major companies. You can read the whole story in my April Fools’ Day post from last year.

Unfortunately, April Fools’ Day isn’t as much fun as it used to be, mostly because so many professional fools use the other 364 days (365 in leap years) to spread buffoonery far and wide, squeezing out the amateurs. It’s especially bad now, when we’re stumbling helplessly into the whirling maelstrom of foolishness of the 2016 presidential campaigns. You need only look at the presumptive candidates** to know that we’re in for an epic load of enormously expensive, world-class ass-clownery.

And it’s not just the politicians doing it.

Our stable of April Fools has expanded to include climate change deniers; people who reject proven science; anti-vaccination zealots; people who want the right to carry concealed weapons everywhere, no matter how inappropriate; and hyper-religious wingnuts (whether Islamic, Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, or the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster). And that’s just for starters.

It won’t be time to name April's Right Cheek Ass Clown for another week and a half, but today seems appropriate to give at least a sad acknowledgement to a man who would be a world-class contender for the award, and is a poster child for April Foolery – I refer, of course, to Indiana governor Mike Pence, who has twisted himself into knots trying to evade responsibility for his shameful “Religious Freedom Restoration Act,” which legitimizes bigotry by allowing anyone the right to use their religious beliefs as an excuse for denying rights to others.

Governor Pence gives the finger to those of whom he doesn't approve

Yes, Dear Readers, today is April Fools' Day. Perhaps it ought to be a national holiday, with parades, presidential statements, and non-binding Congressional resolutions. Heaven knows we have enough people to be recognized.

Have a good day. Pity the fools***. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Except for Fox News, which pretty much does that every day.

** Yes, Ted Cruz and Hillary Clinton, I’m talking to you.

*** Where's Mr T when you need him?

Snow Jobs

No, I’m not talking about what we get from Congress. I’m talking about the mighty dumps of light and fluffy (if you’re lucky) or heavy and wet (if you’re not) white stuff that we’ve seen this year.

So far here in NoVa we’ve had a pretty quiet winter. Aside from the seven or eight inches of snow we had last Monday night and into Tuesday, we’ve not had more than a bit of dusting* so far, in comparison to the long-suffering residents of Boston, who will probably be digging out until Labor Day. We tend to get more sleet and freezing rain than snow around here, although given the choice, I’d rather have the snow.

Snow. It can be soft and beautiful, dropping a blanket of gleaming white over landscapes that are otherwise drab and unsightly. It can call to mind sleigh rides, snowball fights, fun times spent zipping down hills on sleds, and anxious nights spent watching the skies for the arrival of Santa Claus.

It can also mean pulled muscles, heart attacks, bones broken in icy falls, traffic accidents, and havoc wreaked on school schedules.

Guess which one I’m talking about.

Yes, Dear Readers, that seven inches of snow that fell on us was a lot easier to shovel away when I was 23 than it is now that I’m 63. And I’m getting to be a lot crabbier about it, too.

Grouchy Curmudgeon Rant Ahead – You’ve Been Warned

I take my responsibilities as a good neighbor seriously. When it’s done snowing, I bundle myself up, grab my trusty shovel, and clean off my sidewalks. It’s the right thing to do, of course, to keep people from slipping and injuring themselves … and our local government encourages us to do it (http://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/shovel/). In response to the question, “Who is responsible for clearing snow from the sidewalks in my neighborhood?”, the Fairfax County website says,

“Neither the state nor the county clears snow and ice from public walkways (sidewalks and trails). While not legally obligated, residents and businesses are asked to help keep sidewalks safe. They should, as soon as feasible, clear snow off the sidewalks in front of their property so that all pedestrians, especially school children, those with disabilities and the elderly, may walk securely. Homeowner associations may require members of their communities to clear walkways abutting their property.”

They even provide a helpful graphic …

Now, I can hear all my conservative and libertarian friends complaining about the hideous spectre of government overreach … It’s my sidewalk, dammit, and if I think it needs shoveled, I’ll shovel it, and nobody in government has the right to tell me to do it!!

Of course, if we were all community-minded citizens, as concerned about each other’s welfare as about our personal freedoms, we wouldn’t need laws and gently hectoring websites that encourage us to do the right thing. But I can tell you from experience that a lot of people won’t shovel that snow. In my neighborhood, it’s usually easier to walk in the middle of the half-plowed street than it is to try to pick one’s way along sidewalks only intermittently shoveled. And some of the worst offenders are the folks who have bus stops in front of their homes … there’s nothing like standing in the slippery street as the bus slides toward you because people refused to shovel their sidewalks.

Okay, I’m done fulminating for now. But when winter comes, please do your part. All us fragile old geezers-in-training will thank you for it.

Have a good day. Keep the sidewalks clean. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Back home in Pittsburgh, we used to say that it didn’t count as a snowfall unless there was enough on the ground that you could track a cat.

Bilbo's Candidate Endorsement

You already know, Dear Readers, that I am relatively contemptuous of the current horde of office seekers clamoring for our votes in today's election, and of the people who are pumping billions of dollars into their campaigns to purchase better government ... from their narrow perspectives, anyway. For a person who has been desperate for some sign of principled leadership, original thinking, compassion, respect for the electorate, or simple truth in advertising, it's been pretty hard to identify a candidate worth voting for. And that is why, once again, Bilbo has decided to endorse ...

Of course, if you are fortunate enough to be in the 1%, there are plenty of candidates available for purchase, and I'm sure you can find one that's within your budget. For the rest of you, good luck.

Have a good day. Think very carefully before casting your vote today (and you are going to vote, aren't you?), and remember - more now than ever - Bilbo's first rule:

"Never let anyone else do your thinking for you."*

Because there are plenty of people out who will be happy to do it if you let them. And ... trust me ... they don't have your best interests in mind.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Especially not me!

Things That Piss Us Off at Chez Bilbo

Agnes and I are pretty easy-going folks most of the time. Nevertheless, there are some things that really irritate us. Here are a few of them:

- Television news programs that look like 1960's-era disco shows. When the screen is so full of crawlers, flashing lights, fancy animated graphics, and other distractions that you can't concentrate on the news*, how do you learn anything? When the graphics are more important than the news, it's no wonder that the average American is so woefully uninformed**.

- Political robocalls. When the Caller ID says "Not Available" or "Blocked," and when you answer and hear a few seconds of silence before the recording kicks in, you know it's another useless political attack ad that tells you nothing except how stupid and lacking in original thought the sponsors are ... and how little they respect your intelligence.

- Charity solicitations by phone, especially when the local police association calls for donations, The person who calls is usually a police officer who booms out at you with his intimidating command voice: CAN WE COUNT ON YOU TO HELP THE BOYS OUT??

- Door-to-door political flacks who can't answer questions about their candidate's or party's positions and don't know anything that isn't on their script or list of talking points. Before the last presidential election, two ladies showed up at my door to drum up votes for the McCain/Palin ticket ... and couldn't answer a single policy or issue-related question I asked. All they could do was tell me (in so many words) that I was stupid and un-American for not enthusing over the GOP ticket, and for implying that the Democrats might have some ideas worth listening to. Don't tell me what a scum-sucking, bottom-feeding, ethically-challenged dirtbag the other guy is ... tell me - specifically - what your guy (or gal) will do if elected and why I should invest my vote.

- Hard-sell salesmen. And if you think that I hate hard-sell salesmen, you ought to see Agnes. Many years ago, we were shopping for a car for her, and went to a local dealership to see what was available. Within seconds, a salesman attached himself to us like a barnacle to a ship's hull. We told him very clearly that we were only looking and were not going to buy. He proceeded to follow us all over the lot at a distance of about six inches, and every time we stopped to look at a car, he launched into a rapid-fire hard sell routine ("what's it going to take to put you good folks in this car today?"). Within ten minutes, he'd pissed Agnes off so badly that she stormed off the lot ... at that point, he could have given her the car, thrown in free service, gas, and insurance for life, hired a chauffeur, and given her a perpetually paid-up E-Z Pass transponder, and she'd have still told him to go to hell and close the door behind him.

Trust me ... you do not want to see this side of my Very Best Beloved.

Okay, these are a few of the things that piss us off. How about you, Dear Reader ... what are the things that irritate you? Leave a comment and share the grouchiness.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Which, given the news nowadays, may not be a bad thing after all.

** One might say, "stupid."

Using Anti-Social Media to Fight the Bad Guys

The fanatical radical Islamic group variously known as The Islamic State, The Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIL), or the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) has been making quite a stir in the Middle East with it's extreme brutality and demonstrated hatred for everyone who doesn't follow their religious vision. One of the things that makes ISIS so different from other rigidly bigoted religious groups is its facility with social media. The peaceful and tolerant adherents of ISIS not only cut off the heads of their prisoners, but post videos of the events on YouTube. They publish glossy magazines extolling their version of the One True Faith while giving instructions on how to build bombs in your home to kill people who don't believe the way you think they should*.

They're really blending the social media technologies of the 21st century with the values and customs of the sixth. And that's to be expected ... a video with high-quality images and rousing music posted to YouTube reaches a lot more people than a few clay tablets impressed with cunieform characters describing your latest atrocity.

So, it occurred to me to wonder whether or not ISIS's love of social media used in the most antisocial of ways might be able to be turned against them somehow. Here are a few ideas ...

1a. Send them handsome boxed sets of videos showing fully-clothed girls going to school and getting an education ("Girls Gone Mild").

1b. Send them handsome boxed sets of videos showing unmarried women talking with unmarried men (particularly - gasp! - Christians or Jews).

2. Offer advertising from Jimmy Dean's Pork Sausage to underwrite the costs of their media campaigns.

3. Flood the local airwaves in areas occupied by ISIS with reruns of "Three's Company," "Sex and the City," and "Commander in Chief," then sit back and watch their heads explode.

Any other ideas? Let me know.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Actually, the article titled "Build a Bomb in the Kitchen of your Mom" was published in the al-Qaeda magazine "Inspire."

Birthday Ruminations

Yes, today's my birthday. I'm even more senior a citizen than I was last year at this time. Sigh. But at least I get discounts at lots of places.

We tend to think of major milestones in our lives in terms of decades … as the slogans would put it:
- Don’t trust anyone over 30;
- Life begins at 40; and,
- 60 is the new 50, among others.

But for a lot of reasons I’m feeling more reflective this year at 62 than I was at, say, 60. Partly it’s because I’m older and crankier and suffer fools a lot less gladly, partly it’s because a lot of things happened in the past year. There were good things:

- My beloved first grandchild Marcy became a teenager (!) … there's a beautiful and talented young woman where this little baby used to be ...

- My beautiful granddaughter Leya started first grade ...

- Agnes continued to grit her teeth and put up with me*;

- I remained employed (knock on wood); and,

- I remained healthy (keep knocking on that wood).

There were sad things, like Agnes’s mom passing away while we were in Germany during the summer.

And there were bad things:

- The dirtiest and most unsatisfying election in a long time here in Virginia offered me the opportunity to vote not for the best candidate, but for the one I disliked the least;

- My elected reprehensives showed themselves to be spineless ass clowns who would rather shut down the government in fits of righteous, arrogant pique than do the tough job of solving the nation's problems; and worst of all,

- A person I loved and trusted and thought I knew turned out to be a conniving, greedy, self-centered assweasel**.

So I am celebrating my 62nd birthday with a mixture of joy at all the good things and grouchiness at all the other stuff. Which is probably normal, I guess.

And I thank you from the bottom of my heart***, Dear Readers, for coming back day after day to listen to my musings. You are one of the best birthday gifts I could want!

Have a good day. Age happily ... the alternative is worse.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Mostly because I can chop onions, kill bugs, and get things down from shelves she can't reach.

** Yes, an assweasel is much worse than an ass clown.

*** And the top and middle, too.