Tuesday, September 01, 2015

The Vehicle Option We Really Need

I ran across this interesting article the other day: 10 Illegal Vehicle Options You May Not Be Able to Enjoy. It discusses a series of options, some of them potentially quite useful, which are actually either completely illegal or illegal in some states or countries.

Some of these options seem to me to be pretty useful, such as Aspherical Side View Mirrors which curve away toward the outer edge so as to cover the car's blind spot. They are apparently only illegal because of bureaucratic and legislative delays in Washington*.

Another potentially useful, but illegal option (if you live in Europe) is Remote Starting, which allows you to start your car and let it warm up while you remain in your house ... a wonderful feature in miserably cold winter weather. I have no idea why this should be illegal anywhere, but I suppose there's some political issue that makes it hard. Go figure.

Strobing Brake Lights are another option that has been vetoed by regulators here in the states. They flash stroboscopically when the brake pedal is pushed with sudden force, theoretically making the suddenly-stopping car easier to see. I suppose they are considered illegal because of their potential effect on drivers suffering from epilepsy, but who knows?

Now, these and the other options listed in the article are interesting, but I believe they are missing out on the most important and useful option of all: .50 Caliber Machine Guns. This option would be strongly supported by the NRA and other advocates of the open carry of firearms in all venues. The argument would be the same as that made by open-carry advocates: it would encourage good behavior for fear of the potentially deadly outcome of bad behavior**. After all, who would cut you off in traffic if they knew you could hose them down with machine gun fire?

Even better than that, why not forget the guns as an option on your Beemer - go all out and hit the highway in your own World War II era halftrack with not two, but four .50 caliber machine guns on it! Couple it with your Gadsden Flag license plate and no lily-livered commiepinkoratbastard liberal pussy is gonna screw with you on the highway!

Drive with confidence and safety! Park where you want! Go for the option that defines 21st century American manhood - the Big Gun!

Have a good day. Drive ... defensively. More thoughts tomorrow.


* I know ... it's hard to believe, isn't it?

** After all, as Robert Heinlein once wrote, "An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life." That must be why there have been so few gun deaths in Washington, DC, since the gun restrictions there were struck down by the Supreme Court, ha, ha.


eViL pOp TaRt said...

What kind of mileage does a halftrack get? And can you get one with spoilers and a racing stripe?

Linda Kay said...

Angel is ready to get one! How about those cars that drive themselves...that scares the crxx out of me!

Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer said...

The halftrack miI ght go over big with the Hummer fans! I drive a Camry.

Grand Crapaud said...

Remote starting sounds like a pretty cool feature.

Mike said...

Strobing Brake Lights - This is the closest I've ever come to getting a patent. I had a design all worked up when a friend (that did patents for a living) asked if I'd checked on the patent website to make sure someone hadn't already filed it. ARRGGGHHH! There it was. Filed about the time I had started working on it a year before. Almost word for word. That was about 15 years or more ago. I'm still pissed.

Hell Hound said...

I want to see a pimped out Halftrack. How about those old WWII amphibious tractors called Ducks?

allenwoodhaven said...

Great post! The first option I want is a button to change traffic lights. It'd be bad if everyone had one, but I can handle one appropriately. (I understand that they exist.) I do have a remote starter and it's great in the winter. Starting the car from inside to begin melting the ice and snow is wonderful. Machine guns leave a lot of unintended damage. I'd like a engine disabler that would knock out the engine but allow the car to glide off the road. (There's probably a prototype for that already.)