Monday, October 10, 2016

Why Is It That ... ?


One of my favorite publications, the old Mad Magazine, featured great satire, wonderful sight gags, great puns, and lots of features like "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions." Someone sent this to me, and I don't know if it was ever in Mad Magazine, but it should have been ...

Why is it that ...

When your hands are covered in grease, your nose will itch and you'll need to pee.

Whenever you drop anything, it will roll to the least accessible place possible.

The probability that you're being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Wrong numbers are never busy; someone always answers.

Whichever traffic lane you change to will always move slower than the one you left.

If you pick the shortest checkout line in any store, it will stop moving.

Whenever your body is fully wet, the phone will ring.

The chance of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

When you try to show that something doesn't work, it will.

The people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last and will leave during the performance.

As soon as you sit down with a cup of hot coffee, your boss will want you to do something which will take until your coffee is cold.

If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

The chance of messy food falling is directly correlated to the newness and price of the carpet beneath it.

If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

As soon as you find a product you really like, they'll stop making it.

If you don't feel well, make a doctor's appointment; by the time you get in, you'll feel better; if you don't make an appointment, you'll stay sick.

Got any more? Leave a comment.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

2 comments:

John Hill said...

Are you going to answer these questions in a future posts?

Mike said...

Waiters only show up when you don’t need anything.