Dream Jobs

You may recall that in my post of March 28th (Something Else to Worry About), I wrote about the need to counter the latest insidious terrorist threat: exploding breast implants (I am not making this up, as Dave Barry would have said). You may also recall that I selflessly volunteered to help the TSA screen for these dastardly, murderous bosoms...one has to do one's patriotic duty, after all.

Well, it occurred to me that, as enjoyable and rewarding as such a job might be 99 out of 100 times, that 100th time might be...well...rather unpleasant.

So I'm looking for another - safer - dream job, and I think I may have found it.

According to this article on CNN, an Irish travel agency called Runaway Bride and Groom is having a contest to hire for the "ultimate job in Ireland" - "honeymoon testers."

Yes, friends, if you win this contest, you and your beloved (maybe even your husband or wife) can have a job visiting exotic resorts around the world on someone elses dime, evaluating those resorts for suitability as honeymoon destinations.

I've already submitted about 7,000 entries. I'll let you know how it comes out.

In other job-related news, we have determined that our granddaughter Leya - at age 2-1/2 - is destined to become an optometrist. Her latest thing is "fixing" Oma and Opa's glasses...which means taking them off, then putting them back on (usually sticking the arms of the glasses into an eye or an ear) and adjusting them by pushing on the lenses until the glasses are firmly seated against the eyeballs. Those of you familiar with toddlers can imagine the condition of the lenses once this activity has been completed...

I wonder if the outcome is covered under my health insurance?

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Happy Easter!

It's a glorious spring day here in Disneyland on the Potomac, and today is Easter Sunday, the day Christians believe Jesus rose from the dead.

Actually, Easter does not commemorate an exact date, like the Fourth of July or the 25th of December as Christmas...it's what's known as a "movable feast," meaning that it does not fall on the same date each year. The date of Easter (and, hence, all the other dates that depend upon it, from Ash Wednesday through Lent and Good Friday) is calculated by determining the Sunday which follows the full moon that falls on or after the vernal (spring) equinox.

Heck, I have enough trouble simply remembering everyone's birthdays (just ask my daughter-in-law).

Anyhow, today is Easter. Devout Christians celebrate it in church, children awake to find colorful baskets filled with candy and dyed eggs, and the President and First Lady sponsor the annual White House Easter Egg Roll (which will actually be held tomorrow on the White House lawn). Republicans, of course, will reflexively boycott the Easter Egg Roll this year if only because President Obama is hosting it; while Democrats will boycott it because they can't all agree on why they should support it in the first place.

That's life here in DotP.

But it's Spring, and the cherry blossoms are out in profusion around the city...

Yesterday I planted my new basil and rosemary seedlings, and got a start on clearing away the wreckage left by our miserable winter...the heaps of dead leaves, the broken branches, and the general mess...not to mention the 756,000,000 dandelions that are already shooting up all over the place. Today, before we head down to visit our local grandchildren, I hope to get still more of the mess cleared away, and perhaps get a few more flowers planted.

Spring has sprung, as they say, and at times like this I have to ask myself:

"Why on earth are you sitting at the computer when it's so nice outside?"

Good question. It's time to go.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

A boatload of Somali pirates lost their boat, weapons, and pride when they attacked a ship whose call for help was answered by the destroyer USS Farragut; unknown gunmen murdered 25 people in an Iraqi village; singer Erykah Badu faces a misdemeanor disorderly conduct charge from Dallas, Texas police after stripping while walking down an Dallas street (it was apparently for a music video); the economy added 162,000 jobs in March...not surprisingly, Republicans are blaming President Obama because the number wasn't higher; and a domestic extremist group has sent letters to 30 state governors, demanding they resign as part of their "Restore America Plan"...which calls for those governors to "be removed" if they don't resign.

Oh, baby, do we ever need Cartoon Saturday.

You might need to think about this one for a minute, but clowns are always good for a cartoon...

I always thought that the advertising line ought to be "paying for a diamond is forever." This is, after all, the industry that told you it was appropriate to spend three months' salary (assuming you actually still have a job) for that rock to show your affection...

You've gotta do what you've gotta do...

The importance of good communication...and pronunciation...

Another one of those "gotta look closely" cartoons...

And finally, for those of you who still believe in that "trickle-down economics" voodoo thing...

It's going to be a gorgeous Easter weekend here in Northern Virginia...time to get my garden planted and continue the ongoing work of fixing the wreckage of my landscaping left in the wake of last winter's blizzards. Good thing I like staying busy.

Have a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

The Finer Points of Child Rearing

My fifth grandchild, Elise, is a week and a half old today, which causes reflections on being a grandparent. And on the whole subject of bringing up children.

As it happens, my friend Bob has sent me this interesting list, which I republish as a service to parents everywhere, old and new...the official Frequently-Asked Questions of Child Rearing:

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.

Q: What is the most common craving during pregnancy?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q: What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
A: Nothing (if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him).

Q: How long is the average woman in labor?
A: Whatever she says divided by two.

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A: Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.

Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A: It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

Q: What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A: When you see teeth marks.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

Don't thank me. It's all part of the service.

Oh, and by the way, this is Elise with her Opa:


There's no better way to improve your image than to have a cute grandchild.

Have a good day. Cartoon Saturday is coming.

Bilbo

Why Religious Rule Isn't a Very Good Idea

Just a short reminder of why it's a good thing to live in a country where religious extremism does not rule your life...and death: Saudi Arabia has announced that Lebanese entertainer Ali Hussain Sibat, a married father of five, will be beheaded tomorrow (Friday) after the Saudi Justice Ministry confirmed his death sentence for ... sorcery.

Yes, Mr Sibat,the former host of a popular call-in show on Beirut-based satellite TV channel "Sheherazade," was condemned to death for telling viewers would predict the future on his show and give out advice to his audience. He was arrested by the Saudi Arabian religious police (known as the Mutawa'een) and charged with sorcery while visiting the merciful and compassionate country in May 2008 to perform an Islamic religious pilgrimage.

If you think that rule by religious authorities is a good thing, you might want to take a few notes about what it's like to live in a country that's trying its best to return to the golden days of the seventh century.

In a related story, Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno, a Malaysian model who was sentenced by an Islamic court last year to six strokes of a cane for drinking beer in public has had her sentence commuted following an international outpouring of outrage. Ms Shukarno will instead be required to perform three weeks of community service beginning on Friday...the same day that the enlightened and government of Saudi Arabia is planning to behead Mr Sibat for sorcery. In Ms Shukarno's case, I suppose it's a good thing that she didn't try to predict the future while drinking beer...who knows what might have happened.

And just in case you thought that religious extremism was limited to the Islamic world, nine members of an ultraconservative militia that calls itself "Hutaree" (a name they say means "Christian warrior") are in custody after authorities broke up a plot to murder a Michigan police officer, then attack other police at his funeral. The "Hutaree" group's web page says the group is "Preparing for the end time battles to keep the testimony of Jesus Christ alive." I wonder what Jesus would have to say about that.

Deeply-held religious beliefs can be a comfort in times of trial and a source of ethical and compassionate behavior. They can also be a horrifying justification for the very worst in human behavior.

Let's all think carefully about the kind of country we really want to have.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

If You Thought Things Couldn't Get Crazier...

...you probably ought to read this story: Dead Marine's Father Ordered to Pay Protester's Legal Costs.

Yes, my friends, in one of the most incredible and incomprehensible legal decisions since the Supreme Court's body blow to the electoral process in Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission, Mr Albert Snyder has been ordered by the 4th Circuit Court of Appeals to pay more than $16,000 to the Westboro Baptist Church for legal costs incurred when the Snyder family sued the church in 2007 for privacy invasion, intentional infliction of emotional distress and civil conspiracy as a result of its demonstration at the funeral of Mr Snyder's son Matthew, who was killed in Iraq in 2006. Westboro Baptist is, of course, the alleged church which is notorious for its demonstrations at the funerals of soldiers killed in the line of duty...it claims these deaths are God's punishment to the United States for "the sin of homosexuality."

Now, I am a strong believer in freedom of speech, but I am also a strong believer in courtesy and compassion. By grossly interfering with the grief of the families of dead soldiers, the members of this church show neither. Their rigidly moralistic beliefs are monstrously offensive and deserve condemnation by all decent people.

The larger constitutional question is, of course, whether there are limits on the practice of free speech. Is all public expression, no matter how loathsome, protected under the law? What guidelines can be established that cannot later be twisted to forbid any unpleasant or unpopular expression? The Supreme Court has agreed to hear the case, but - given its ruling in the Citizens United case - I don't look for a rational decision.

In the meantime, I think we've finally found a "religious" organization that can match the worst of radical Islamic beliefs. The only upside is that the foul displays by Westboro Baptist don't encourage murder in the name of an imagined God.

Thank heaven for small favors.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Assorted Comments for a Rainy Tuesday

There are too many things going on in the world for me to concentrate on just one at the moment, so why don't I just take a few random shots at some of the things that have caught my attention in the last few days?

1. President Obama today will sign into law a bill that "fixes" the health care reform legislation he just signed last week. Hmmm... if it only took a week for that law to need repair, what does that say about the process by which our elected reprehensives crafted it in the first place? I refer you back to the question I've asked often enough: does anybody really know what's in those 2000-plus pages of small print? It must be nice to be able to do a poor job, then get paid extra for fixing the lousy job you did in the first place.

2. Two female suicide bombers killed almost 40 people and wounded scores of others in attacks on the Moscow subway system. Although no one has "claimed responsibility" for the murderous attacks, suspicion is falling on Chechen separatists known as "Black Widows" who have carried out similar mass murders in the past. Hmmm... if a male suicide bomber is promised the services of 72 virgins in paradise, what are the women promised?

3. Nine members of a "Christian warrior" militia have been arrested as part of an investigation into a plot to murder a police officer in Michigan, and then murder still more police by attacking the funeral. Hmmm... there seems to be an odd interpretation in some quarters of what it means to be a "Christian." I have the odd idea that Jesus wouldn't approve of a great many things done in his name.

4. Anger is swirling around the Catholic Church hierarchy as more details arise over its response to the growing sexual abuse scandals in Ireland, Germany, and other places. Among the voices raised on the issue is that of Irish singer Sinead O'Connor...whether you agree with her or not, her opinion piece on the subject is a powerful one. You can read it here.

5. 153 men are trapped deep underground in the latest disaster to strike in the notoriously deadly Chinese coal mines. Although safety measures have greatly reduced the number of such accidents each year, statistics show that, on average, seven men die in Chinese mines every day. I guess that's what happens when you have a huge surplus of cheap labor that makes it easier to bury men than pay them a good wage and provide safe working conditions.

That's enough for now. I can only take so much of a dose of current events at one time.

Have a good day. Be glad you're not a Chinese miner. Or a Michigan police officer.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Health Care Reform Yardstick

The reverberations of the passage of the health care reform act are still radiating across the country. Republicans and some Democrats are predicting the end of the world as we know it, other Democrats are convinced we've seen the Second Coming, and nobody quite knows what is contained in the more than 2000 pages of legalistic fine print.

I've tried to read the new law, but I only have a bachelor's degree in Linguistics and never studied Old Church Slavonic, the official language of political obfuscation, so I don't understand much of it. How can we know what we have? How can we understand if we're better off, worse off, or in the same rut as before? I think these five questions may provide a useful yardstick with which we can start judging how ugly this baby is:

1. Can an average American family afford health care?

2. Do doctors earn a wage commensurate with the cost of their education and the trust we place in them for our lives?

3. Has the cost of health care for most Americans gone down?

4. Will the portion of the cost of health care represented by administrative overhead (insurance company costs and profit, cost to doctors of maintaining a billing staff, etc) go down?

5. Does the new law make it easier to obtain preventive health care, or does it concentrate on fixing problems?

I already have a few questions about the new law, beyond those I posed a few days ago:

Since Republicans believe that the answer to every problem is lower taxes, why does the new law raise the amount of health care expense required to be claimed as an itemized tax deduction?

Does the federal government actually have the Constitutional authority to mandate that every American must have health insurance?

Why does the new law limit the amounts of pre-tax money Real People can put into a Medical Flexible Spending Account to help pay for their health care? And, by the way, why does any money in a Medical FSA disappear at the end of the year instead of rolling over to help pay for future care? And why can't a Medical FSA be added to during the year if the balance is depleted?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Have a good day. Stay healthy. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Something Else to Worry About...

At one time, back in the distant era between the Wright Brothers and, say, about 1955, airline travel was fun. Airlines pampered you, your luggage arrived when you did (and in one piece), you didn't need to be x-rayed, probed, and patted down, and your belongings pawed through before you could get onto an airplane.

But that was then, and this is now.

The 70's gave us fanatics advancing their causes through airline hijackings. Then came bombs in suitcases, and then bombs in carry-on bags, then bombs in shoes, and - most recently - bombs in underwear. You might have thought things couldn't get any worse.

You were wrong.

I direct your attention to this article from Faux News Online: Terrorists Could Use Explosives in Breast Implants to Crash Planes, Experts Warn.

Yes, exploding underwear and shoes weren't enough for those seeking to meet their 72 virgins in some imagined paradise...now we have to worry about exploding boobs. "Blonde bombshell" has taken on a whole new meaning.

According to British intelligence sources, radical doctors - some of them trained at leading Western teaching hospitals - have developed a way to surgically insert exploding breast implants into prospective female suicide bombers, using the techniques developed for ordinary breast augmentation. The implants are said to be "virtually impossible to detect by the usual airport scanning machines." And if that weren't enough, the same intelligence sources report that extremists are also inserting the explosives into the buttocks of some male bombers.

This is not so far-fetched, as someone not too long ago tried to blow up a Saudi prince by means of explosives stuffed into his ... um ... rectal orifice.

I guess it's not enough just to be a religiously-bigoted ass ... you now have to have an explosive, religiously-bigoted ass.

Well, I guess there's not much we can do about this new threat except try to make the most of it. As soon as TSA starts hiring breast inspectors, I'm quitting my job and getting in line. If nothing else, I can do my patriotic part to fight this threat by carefully eyeballing the generous bosom of every lady who appears to have high-yield breasts.

It's the least I can do. But someone else can do the male buttock checks. That's why TSA has female officers, after all.

Have a good day. Watch out for exploding breasts.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

The Chatham County Courthouse in North Carolina was severely damaged by a fire which - somehow - spared a sex video featuring former Senator and professional cad John Edwards; one-time Colombian supermodel Angie Sanciemente is being sought on charges of having orchestrated a huge drug ring that used models as drug mules to move suitcases loaded with cocaine out of Buenos Aires airport; a South Korean navy ship has sunk after apparently being attacked by North Korean forces; irresponsible and overheated rhetoric about health care reform has taken an ugly turn, with shots fired at a congressman's campaign headquarters, windows smashed at Democratic offices across the country, and hate-filled voice mail messages left on members of Congress' phone lines; and a man in Pennsylvania was charged with one count of public drunkenness when police found him attempting to perform CPR on an opossum he had flattened with his car.

I think it's time for Cartoon Saturday, don't you?

If ever there was a cartoon that summed up my feelings about brainless political parties (did I say Republicans and Democrats?), this is it...

Insurance companies have become the whipping boy in much of the health care reform debate. Of course, they've worked hard to make it to that point, but that's not important now. Plus, it's been going on for a long time...

Agnes really likes her latest toy - a Sony Reader that lets her enjoy her books without all the bulk and weight. That gives her more time to appreciate my ever-increasing bulk and weight. But does every book really translate well into an electronic format...?

Did you ever wonder about the real punch line from some of those old jokes...?

Sometimes, you just don't want to know what all the focus groups and polls are saying...

And finally, even with health care reform - whatever that turns out to mean - a reality, rest assured that you will still need to worry...


After a few days of nearly-Biblical rain here in Northern Virginia, it looks like today will be a beautiful day...before we get a few more days of nearly-Biblical rain. Oh, well...at least we don't have to shovel it. I hope you all have a good weekend, and come back tomorrow, when I'll have something else to rant about.

Gotta take up the slack for Mike, dontcha know.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo