Poetry Sunday

One of the reasons I love poetry is that poems offer such a range of feeling and imagery. Sometimes they bring a feeling of peace, sometimes of joy, and sometimes they just make you stop and think deeper thoughts than we might otherwise have. This short poem by Dan Albergotti uses some unsettling imagery to describe feelings of loss ...

Inside 

by Dan Albergotti 

In the lake, the cottonmouth. In the sea, the shark.
In the soil, the growing seed. In the tree, the lark.
In the dark, the insects’ call. In the light, the trust.
In the child, the weight of years. In the steel, the rust.
In the dust, the memory. In the air, your soul.
In my head, the unsaid words. In the diamond, coal.
In the hole, your polished box. In the earth, the quake.
In my blood, your vessel ran. In these lines, its wake.

Have a good day, and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

We've almost made it to the end of August ... sometimes I thought we'd never get here ...

In Virginia, a "disgruntled" former employee of a television station murdered two of his former co-workers - live, on the air - posted video of it to his social media accounts, then shot himself when police tried to arrest him*; in Austria, more than 70 refugees were found dead in an abandoned truck; The Air Force announced that a fire that resulted in more than $62 million in damage to a sophisticated reconnaissance aircraft was caused by ... a loose nut**; in Taiwan, a 12 year-old boy visiting a museum tripped and punched through a 17th-century painting valued at more than $1.5 million; and in Rome, a former high-ranking Vatican official accused of pedophilia and possession of child pornography has died, apparently from natural causes.

I don't know about you, but I really need the weekend ... and for now, the cartoons.

This week, the smoke of the terrible wildfires that have been scorching the western states inspired me to select "smoke signals" for our collection of theme cartoons ...

I guess it's as annoying as it is online ...

Sigh ... kids ...

Sexting with smoke signals ...

Hmmm ... how would you encrypt a smoke signal?

Smoke signals also work as social media ...

Back off, Kemo Sabe ...

Moving on to other topics, I loved this one ...

Very perceptive, that Mr Barnum ...

There are different kinds of quacks ...

I wonder when Faux News will make this change? ...

And that's it for this week's edition of Cartoon Saturday. It should be a nice day here in NoVa, if a bit warmer and more humid than the last few days, which were spectacular, weather-wise. Agnes will be coming back from Germany this coming week, and later this morning I'll be headed out with the local grandchildren to a dig/pick-it-yourself farm to stock up on apples, peaches, potatoes, and whatever else we can dig or pick. Should be fun. Hope your weekend is the same.

Have a good day. Come back tomorrow for Poetry Sunday ... more thoughts then.

Bilbo

* Guns don't kill people, people kill people. With guns.

** No, not Donald Trump or Rush Limbaugh.

The Left Cheek Ass Clown for August, 2015

How quickly time passes! It's time to name our

Left Cheek Ass Clown

for

August 2015

and the winner is ...

Potential GOP Presidential Candidate

Jeb Bush

During an election season it can be extraordinarily difficult to sort the wheat of supreme ass clownery from the chaff of ordinary political buffoonery. This time the choice was relatively straightforward as Mr Bush took careful aim at his foot and blasted away, taking the opportunity to antagonize not one, but two significant groups of potential supporters: Hispanics and Asians.

At a campaign event in McAllen, Texas this past Monday, Mr Bush was asked by reporters from both the English and Spanish-language press about his use of the term anchor babies* in a radio interview last week. In trying to “clarify” his use of the term and avoid antagonizing Hispanic voters (like, for example, his wife), he said,

"What I was talking about was the specific case of fraud being committed where there's organized efforts -- and frankly it's more related to Asian people -- coming into our country, and having children, in that organized effort, taking advantage of a noble concept, which is birthright citizenship.”

Mr Bush went on to add,

"I support the 14th amendment.”

He has evidently not paid attention to the common wisdom that when one is at the bottom of a hole, one should stop digging.

For his graceless attempt to reconcile shameless pandering to the GOP base with not antagonizing ethnic voters, Jeb Bush is named our Left Cheek Ass Clown for August, 2015.

Have a good day. Come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday … more thoughts then.

Bilbo

* For those of you outside the US and perhaps unfamiliar with the term, it refers to a child born within the United States to parents who are not legal residents of the country. Under the terms of Section 1 of the 14th Amendment to our Constitution, the child automatically has US citizenship by right of birth, allowing the parents to plead for citizenship on the basis of their child's status (an anchor, if you will, to keep them in the US). The term is generally considered derogatory, particularly by those who either abuse, or support the abuse of, the privilege of birthright citizenship.

What's in a Name?

You may have seen this article on CNN yesterday: The Most Popular Baby Names Are ...

The Social Security Administration publishes an annual list of the most popular baby names because ... well ... why not? You can read the list for 2014 at their website here, and you can read my comments below.

First of all, I note with great satisfaction that William is the fifth place male name. I'm sure it would be higher on the list, but we Williams* are generous fellows, and don't like to show up everyone else.

The first-place male name is Noah ... a fine name which happens also to be the name of my youngest grandson.

On the female name side, the fifth-place name is Ava ... a beautiful name which is also the name of my youngest granddaughter. Emily, in seventh place, is the name of my beautiful little niece in Germany.

The CNN article also offers for comparison the most popular baby names in the United Kingdon, where Ava comes in at number six on the list for girls and William at number ten for boys. Noah, sadly, doesn't make the top ten in the UK, although Tyrion (from the popular character in the books and TV series "Game of Thrones") is said to be popular.

The names we give to our children are important, because they'll have to answer to them for a long time. I wrote a cautionary post on this topic back in 2013, which you can read here. To all my friends who are pregnant or may become pregnant in the future, think carefully about the name you choose ...

Have a good day. Come back tomorrow when we will announce the name of our Left Cheek Ass Clown of the Month ... whose name does not appear on either the US or UK top-ten list.

More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* Yes, my real name is William, but you can call me "your eminence." Or my other preferred title, about which you can read here. You can read about my search for a suitable coat of arms to go with the title here.

The Things We Expect, and the Things We Don't

An interesting thing happened to me the other day.

I had gone into a local book store to buy some books for my granddaughter*. After leaving the bookstore I ran a few more errands, and arrived home an hour or so later. On unpacking the bag from the bookstore, I discovered that the clerk had put into the bag not only my receipt, but also the charge slip I'd signed.

I had to go out again later for something else, so I drove back to the bookstore and went to customer service to give them the signed charge slip.

Well ...

They were shocked that I'd brought it back. The look on the clerk's face was one of amazement, as was that on the face of the manager who came out in response to her summons ... she fell all over herself thanking me for bringing it back. As I walked away, I could hear them still chattering and expressing surprise that I'd actually brought back the charge slip.

So, here's my question: when did we start being amazed by someone who tries to do the Right Thing? Have we become so used to poor, selfish behavior, with everyone looking out for Number One, that the Right Thing actually shocks us?

Now, I'm not trying to portray myself as a paragon of good behavior, but I do try to live the values of honesty and fair play that my parents taught us, and to pass them on to my children and grandchildren. It's not always easy, but if we don't do it ourselves, how can we expect good behavior of others ... especially our political class?

Have a good day. Do the right thing.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* The Day the Crayons Quit, The Day the Crayons Came Home, and The Book with No Pictures.

Random Observations

Courtesy of my old friend Ken, here are a few random ... if odd ... observations:

The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

My therapist says my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me.

My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon; now I'm worried about the 210 pounds I've gained.

I'm getting really tired of always having to slowly raise my hand when someone says, "Who does something like that?”

I wonder what the job application is like at Hooters . . . do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out"?

The speed in which a woman says "Nothing" when asked "What's wrong?" is inversely proportional to the severity of the shit storm that's coming.

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "Thank you" is all I need. Enough already with the "How did you get in my house?" business.

On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week, whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This pisses me off. I had no idea I was Japanese.

I can't understand why women are okay with the fact that JC Penny has line of clothing for mature women called "Sag Harbor."

I think it's pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.

When I die I want to be reincarnated as a spider, just so I can finally hear a women scream "Oh God, it's huge!"


As you can see, I have ... interesting ... friends. Thanks, Ken, for the observations. Do you have any others? Leave a comment.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Medieval Chemistry

If you ever studied science in school, you were introduced to the famous and endlessly useful Periodic Table of the Elements, which arranges the known elements by their atomic numbers, and groups them according to their general properties. The first generally-accepted Periodic Table was developed by Russian scientist Dmitri Mendeleev in 1869, and the current version looks like this:

Now, while the Periodic Table has many uses for scientists, it also lends itself to modification for humorous purposes. For instance, back in August of 2008, I featured a version I'd found called "Dapperstache's Periodic Table of Awesoments," which you can revisit here, and Miss Cellania wrote an article for Mental Floss in 2013 that featured nine Periodic Table parodies, with links to many others.

But one of the best versions I've seen in a long time is this one, which popped up recently as a Facebook post from one of my friends - it's Ye Olde Periodic Table:

Yes, it was much easier to be a chemist back then, when there were only four elements to worry about, and no bothersome oversight by the jack-booted government thugs^TM of the FDA and the EPA digging through all your test results and worrying about job-killing^TM things like safety and the environment ...

Have a good day. It's element-ary, after all.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Poetry Sunday

Yesterday was the anniversary of the birthday (in 1893) of American writer, poet, and critic Dorothy Parker, known for her razor-sharp wit and acid tongue. In a review of the novel Beauty and the Beast, by Kathleen Norris, she wrote, "I'm much better now, in fact, than I was when we started. I wish you could have heard that pretty crash Beauty and the Beast made when, with one sweeping, liquid gesture, I tossed it out of my twelfth-story window." It was also Ms Parker who was famous for such comments as "Brevity is the soul of lingerie," and for this excuse as to why she had not turned in an article on time - "Someone else was using the pencil." She also wrote a number of poems, among them this one that, I think, captures her personality perfectly:

Neither Bloody nor Bowed 

by Dorothy Parker 

They say of me, and so they should,
It's doubtful if I come to good.
I see acquaintances and friends
Accumulating dividends
And making enviable names
In science, art and parlor games.
But I, despite expert advice,
Keep doing things I think are nice,
And though to good I never come
Inseparable my nose and thumb.

I never knew Dorothy Parker, but I think I'd have liked her.

Have a good day, and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

There are five Saturdays in August this year. This is the fourth. And if you're like me, you need the cartoons ...

The US stock market plunged by a dramatic 531points yesterday, marking its biggest loss of the year and its worst week since 2011, and other major indexes around the world also fell for the week and most are negative for the month; three Americans on a French train, including two Service members, attacked and subdued a man armed with an AK-47 and hundreds of rounds of ammunition, probably averting a massacre; every year since 1963, the Japanese government has presented each citizens turning 100 a commemorative silver cup worth about $65, but with 29,357 persons turning 100 in 2014 alone, Japan can no longer afford the estimated 260 million yen ($2.1 million) cost, and is considering less expensive options; a rally in Mobile, Alabama, attracted 30,000 supporters of Donald Trump's presidential campaign ... in other news, roving packs of zombies in search of brains went elsewhere; and tensions in Korea continued, with North Korea continuing its bombastic barrage of threats even as representatives of the North and South met to try to defuse the escalating situation.

In honor of the miserable state of the stock market, today's collection of theme cartoons deals with that mainstay of middle-class economics: loans ...

You have to know what the terms mean before you fill out that loan application ...

Here's another example ...

This is probably how the question really ought to be phrased ...

This one reminds me of the old joke about the loan officer being a person who is happy to lend you his umbrella, but wants it back as soon as it starts raining ...

Most of mine were like this ...

Applying for a loan really is a pretty straightforward and simple process ...

But enough about loan misery ... let's move on to some other topics. I thought this was a great historical look at the traditional vacation picture ...

If you're on Facebook like I am, you get used to the sorts of things your friends post ... especially the fitness nuts who have to let you know how far they ran, how may Buicks they bench-pressed, how many laps they swam, or ...

We finish up with two cartoons taking different looks at the common shepherd. There's nothing like a little high-tech to make things easy ...

I wonder if he really needed the financial advisor ...

And that's it for the fourth Cartoon Saturday in August. I hope you enjoyed my attempt to help you survive another week of bad news, political buffoonery, and overall chaos. Yesterday was a glorious day here in NoVa, weather-wise, and today looks to offer more of the same, but with a bit more humidity. It looks like a great day for a nice long walk ... I think I'll see if Clara is available for a date, since Agnes will be in Germany for another week and a half.

Have a good day and a great weekend, and come back tomorrow for Poetry Sunday. More thoughts then. 

Bilbo

Great Moments in Editing

Yes, Dear Readers, it's that time again ... time to get in touch with your inner editor and enjoy a new collection of Great Moments in Editing*!

Well, that's one way to earn extra credit ...

I guess it depends on who's wearing it ...

And this is surprising how ... ?

I'll pass, thank you ...

I'd worry if it leaked when it didn't rain ...

So I've heard ...

You have to wonder who's in charge of counting up the end-of-day receipts ...

I wonder if she found one yet ...

Well, it would be, wouldn't it? ...

It's nice they let Ben and Alex play with the big boys ...

Doing my part for keeping editors and proofreaders fully employed ... it's the least I can do.

Have a good day. See you tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday - more thoughts then.

Bilbo

* Okay, they aren't all true editorial errors, but somebody let them get into print, right?