The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for January, 2019

Today is the 18th day of 2019, The Trump Petulant Government Shutdown of 2018/2019 is 27 days old, and it's time to name

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for January, 2019

I was sorely tempted to once again name Mitch McConnell as the dishonoree but, although (having been an awardee six times since 2012) he's close to receiving our second Lifetime Achievement Award (Donald Trump received the first), there are other deserving Ass Clowns who are doing their part to drive the nation to social, political, and economic ruin. And so it is that I have decided to bestow the Left-Cheek award for January to Trump Whisperer

Senator Lindsey Graham (R, SC)

This is the third award for Senator Graham (his first was in November of 2014, and the second was a joint Left-Cheek award in September of 2017). Senator Graham has become the most steadfast and stalwart defender of whatever Donald Trump says or does, regardless of how silly. He is one of the few people who might conceivably have the conservative Republican credentials to talk sense into Mitch McConnell and Donald Trump, but he choses to stick with rearranging the deck chairs on the GOPs political Titanic, often in angrily histrionic terms.

And the most depressing part is that a few years ago, a gentleman came up to me on one of our cruise vacations asked me if I was Lindsey Graham. Sigh.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for January, 2018, is Republican Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina. Well deserved, indeed.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for a wintery Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

National Hat Day

I regularly visit an interesting website that lists all the days, weeks, and months which have received special designations. There are, of course, days, weeks, and months to honor or commemorate just about everything you can imagine (and a lot of things you probably couldn't), and it turns out that today - January 15th - has been designated as National Hat Day.

Hats aren't very much in fashion nowadays unless you are the Queen of England

or you need a silly Grandpa Hat to wear in the sun

or you need to wear one as part of a uniform

so I suspect that National Hat Day is an invention of the Milliners Guild or some other organization devoted to advancing the cause of decorative (and, doubtless, expensive) headwear.

But hats aren't just decorative ... they serve many other purposes, such as identification, protection, and messaging. In present-day America, for example, one commonly observes the "MAGA" hats worn by die-hard Trump supporters

and the ever-popular tinfoil hats ... also worn by many Trump supporters as well as by those on the far left of the political spectrum. These come in many shapes and sizes, from the simple

to the complex

and even the playful

Of course, there is also the special version made for the Trump supporter who needs protection from unwelcome ideas but is unwilling to give up the messaging value of his or her Trump-approved headgear.

So, Dear Readers, happy National Hat Day! Wear 'em if you got 'em!

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Musical Sunday

This past Tuesday, January 8th, we celebrated the birthday of The King - Elvis Presley. In honor of his big day, and of the National Security Agency, how about this classic Elvis tune ...

Have a good day, and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Cartoon Saturday ... because you need something to take your mind off the news.

Donald Trump's petulant shutdown of the federal government became the longest in history as it entered its third week with more than 800,000 government workers and tens of thousands of other people that depend on government contracts put out of work; a 13-year-old girl who vanished in October after her parents were found dead in their northwestern Wisconsin home has been found alive; US forces began withdrawing from Syria; in Europe, heavy snow brought life to a halt in parts of Germany, Austria, Norway, and Sweden; Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg missed oral arguments for several days as she recovered from cancer surgery, leading conservative activists to ramp up their list of new candidates acceptable to the right; and the White House has begun eyeing sources of funding for the Trump Border Wall if, as expected, Mr Trump declares a national emergency as a way to bypass Congressional and public opposition to the wall ... among the sources of money being considered is funding intended for disaster relief in Puerto Rico and Texas.

The behavior of our present administration suggests that a collection of cartoons about barbarians might be in order ...

Who knows what goes on at Mar-a-Lago? Besides golf ...

And so it begins ...

Financial concerns are always important ...

Nowadays the pillaging is done through banks and law firms ...

Cyberbarbarians on the march ...

A good question ...

Barbarians in the digital age ... "pillaging" is an introductory level law school course ...

Effective division of labor ...

Viking temps? ...

Looking on the positive side ...

There are barbarians at the gates, even on Cartoon Saturday ... better bar the doors.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

Welcome to the first collection of editorial and signage gems for 2019 ...

Okay, but are they watertight? ...

For how long, and at what temperature? ...

I sometimes think Congress has similar requirements ...

Ummm ... okay ...

I can't think of anything to say on this one ...

And so is winter ...

Yes, I can see that. Sort of ...

Sound layout guidance is always good ...

I guess this would be a good reason to learn ASL ...

Well, it's certainly a contributing factor ...

And we're off and running for the new year! I hope you enjoyed this collection. Don't forget that I'm always glad to accept your contributions ... e-mail them to me at any time!

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow, when Cartoon Saturday comes back.

Bilbo

Thinking About the Next New Element

While researching the daily compilation of famous birthdays and historical events I publish on my Facebook page, I learned that on this date in 1939 a French physicist named Marguerite Perey discovered the element Francium, the last naturally-occurring element to be discovered. Every subsequently-discovered element has been identified using particle accelerators and nuclear reactions to add protons to elements that already exist.

I'm thinking about this in two ways.

First, Francium was discovered by a woman. At a time when we're pushing to get more women into STEM* careers, it's worth remembering that women have always been making their mark in science ... indeed, Mme Perey was a student of the great Marie Curie, the discoverer of the element Radium and the only person to win a Nobel Prize in two different sciences (physics and chemistry).

Second, the name Francium was derived from the name of the country in which it was identified (France, of course). I'm not sure what the formal process is for determining the names of new elements, but I imagine that had it been discovered in present-day America, it would have been named Trumpium ... because who knows more about chemistry and physics** than Donald Trump? And who is better about putting his name on things in big letters?***

Which leads me to another thought ... what might be the properties of a new element named in honor of Donald Trump? Would it be completely inert or have wildly unpredictable properties? Would it be a dense solid or a gas whose properties are difficult to pin down? What color would it be?^† It would surely not exist in nature, but would arise from the breakdown of other, more stable elements; indeed, it would probably work as a powerful catalyst for the destruction of more useful compounds.

Any other ideas? It's elementary, after all.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics.

** And everything else, too ... just ask him.

*** Well, until they become a national embarrassment, like the Trump Shutdown. 

† I'm not going for the obvious comment.

Poetry Sunday

For our first Poetry Sunday of 2019, why not a poem in honor of the generic new year? ...

To the New Year 

by W. S. Merwin 

With what stillness at last
you appear in the valley
your first sunlight reaching down
to touch the tips of a few
high leaves that do not stir
as though they had not noticed
and did not know you at all
then the voice of a dove calls
from far away in itself
to the hush of the morning

so this is the sound of you
here and now whether or not
anyone hears it this is
where we have come with our age
our knowledge such as it is
and our hopes such as they are
invisible before us
untouched and still possible


With "our knowledge such as it is and our hopes such as they are," we creep tentatively into 2019. Good luck.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Welcome to 2019 ... which so far looks a lot like 2018 ...

Donald Trump's bromance with North Korean strongman Kim Jong-un took another hit this week when Kim gave a speech that echoed traditional North Korean threats; an intern at a North Carolina zoo was killed by a lion in her second week on the job; Germany officially adopted a third gender identity option - "diverse" - for use by people with intersex traits, while California's Department of Motor Vehicles instituted a third gender option for state driver's licences - "non-binary" - for those who choose not to identify as either male or female; police in Manchester, UK, are treating the New Year’s Eve stabbing of three people, including a police officer, at Victoria Station as a terrorist incident; and the US government remained closed as a result of the chest-pounding standoff between Donald Trump and pretty much everyone else ... and Trump said he was ready to keep the government partially shut down for months or even years until he gets what he wants.

This week, in honor of our Narcissist-in-Chief, how about a cartoon look at the "selfie" ...

I can see where that might get out of hand ...

Who needs a selfie stick? ...

Poor Humpty-Dumpty ... but at least he's got a wall, which Donald Trump doesn't ...

The medieval selfie stick ...

And the Victorian selfie stick ...

Update of the traditional one phone call ...

You had to know this pun was coming ...

The Evil Queen, updated ...

T-Rexes have more problems than you thought ...

Paging Oscar Wilde ...

And that's our first collection of cartoons for 2019 ... I hope it's helped you get your mind off the news, which is depressingly like the news from 2018.

Have a good day and a great first weekend of the new year. Come back tomorrow for our first Poetry Sunday of the new year ... more thoughts then.

Bilbo

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for January, 2019

We're into a whole new year of ass clownery! Yes, Dear Readers, just this past Tuesday we named our Ass Clown of the Year for 2018, and it's already time to designate our first Ass Clown for 2019. How time flies when you're having panic attacks for the future of the nation.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the time has come to announce

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for January, 2019

and the award goes to

Vice-President Mike Pence

It seems hard to believe that Mr Pence has only received this award once before and never on his own, having shared the June 2017 Right-Cheek Award with EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt, but it's really not so shocking when you think about it. Seldom has any person occupying the Number Two position in our government been such a total non-entity, a potted plant or decorative print blending in on the office wall, a man whose only function seems to be oozing fawning servility while gazing adoringly at Donald Trump and defending his every pronouncement, no matter how bizarre. No other vice-president has been so often and so publicly undercut by the president he continues slavishly so support.

A vice-president is, of course, the second banana to the president, and has no Constitutionally-designated function other than to serve as President of the Senate*. He (or, one of these days, she) is generally chosen as a running mate for the president on the basis of political considerations** rather than demonstrated executive ability, education, or experience, and can't act independently or outside of the job limits placed on him (or her) by the president. The vice-president is, though, expected to be the senior advisor to the president, offering advice on matters both political and practical. Mr Pence, unfortunately, has failed on all counts to temper the worst impulses and actions of a president manifestly unfit to hold the office. If Donald Trump has been a disaster as president, Mr Pence has failed in his duty to mitigate that disaster.

Dear Readers, Vice-President Mike Pence is our first Ass Clown designee for 2019. Heaven help us.

Have a good day. Come back tomorrow for some much-needed laughs when Cartoon Saturday breaks into the new year. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* Constitution, Article 1, Section 3, Clause 4.

** "Geographic balance" of the ticket, for instance.

The 2018 Ass Clown of the Year!

The People have spoken!

Yes, we've survived 2018 and its long list of certified ass clowns, and with the dawn of the new year comes our opportunity to designate the one Ass Clown who exemplifies the very best* of noteworthy ass-clownery for the year past.

This year, I encountered something I've never seen before ... negative votes cast for candidates who exemplify the opposite of the ass clownery this award dishonors. Negative votes were cast for Special Counsel Bob Muller and his Team, and for Journalists struggling to report the truth in an era of rampant falsehood. These votes did not, of course,  affect the final standings, but offer an interesting and potentially therapeutic point of view.

Before we announce the winner of this year's award, let's look at the runners-up:

In Fifth Place, with 28 votes - Outgoing House Speaker Paul Ryan.

In Fourth Place, with 27 votes - White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

In Third Place, with 42 votes - The Republican Congressional Majority**.

The Runner-Up for 2018 Ass Clown of the Year, with 58 votes - Donald Trump (despite, as a lifetime achievement award winner, being ineligible for consideration).

And the runaway winner - the Ass Clown whose consistent performance in a supremely hypocritical and utterly nonsupporting role garnered a total of 192 votes ...

Senate Majority Leader

Mitch McConnell

The American People*** have spoken! And, if I may say so, they have chosen wisely from a crowded and well-qualified field.

Have a good day and a new year better than the disastrous one we just left. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* You should pardon the expression.

** I understand that the picture is inaccurate because - unlike the actual Republican Congressional population - it shows a large number of women, but it was the best I could do.

*** I use the term in the same sense as it is used by politicians to extrapolate overwhelming support from whatever tiny sliver of the American population agrees with them.