Saturday, October 26, 2024

Cartoon Saturday


Can we return this week for a refund?

Disgraced former lawyer and New York mayor Rudy Giuliani has been ordered by to turn over his New York penthouse apartment and 26 valuable watches in partial payment of the $153 million judgement against him in favor of two Georgia election workers he defamed; for the first time since 1976, the Washington Post has - apparently under pressure from owner Jeff Bezos - declined to endorse a candidate for president*; the Department of Justice has warned the Super PAC run by multibillionaire Elon Musk that its large cash payments to registered voters in seven swing states who sign his "petition" may be illegal under election law**; 28-year-old grizzly bear #399, the oldest known reproducing female grizzly in the Greater Yellowstone Ecosystem and mother of 18 known cubs, was killed when struck by a car; and in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, a man is under arrest after attempting to strangle a woman with an American flag ... the man's lawyer is expected to argue that he thought it was okay to use the flag as a weapon because Der Furor's supporters did it when storming the Capitol on January 6th, 2021. 

It's time for our last Halloween-season Cartoon Saturday, and what better note to go out on than an homage to mad scientists and their long-suffering assistants?

Even mad scientists have to work their way up the ladder of madness ... 


Is it worse to be mad, annoyed, or disappointed? ...


He seems to have a better media advisor than Der Furor ...


Well, it does end in -ium ...


Show of hands ... right ...


It's always good to compromise, but not always easy ...


I can see the problem ...


He's distantly related to the popular Parisian small car - the Hatchback of Notre Dame ...


Is he board-certified? ...


Zoom works better for some people than for others ...


Let's hear it for all the mad scientists who are lining up to apply for positions in the federal government should Der Furor win the November election.

Have a good day and a great weekend, and come back tomorrow for Poetry Sunday, when Robert Burns helps us fly (by broom) into the final days before Halloween. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* I immediately cancelled my subscription and wrote both a comment on their editorial and a very strongly worded letter to the editor. At this time in history, this failure reflects moral cowardice of the highest order.

** Ya think?


Friday, October 25, 2024

Great Moments in Editing and Signage


Time for our last collection of Great Moments in Editing and Signage for October, and we could all surely use a good chuckle ... or, at least, a bewildered shake of the head ...

At least these butt sticks should be easier for the ER staff to remove ...


As if climate change wasn't bad enough ...


Don't let Der Furor and JD know ...


I've heard of concierge medicine for the well-to-do, but concierge law seems to be appealing to politicians ...


Nothing like a full-service strip mall, is there? ...


Uh ... where should I go? ...


People think correctly ...


From the Department of Weird Literal Translations ... the sign in Russian actually says, "No Exit" ...


Another one from the Department of Weird Literal Translations ... molida in Spanish can mean "ground" and (in slang) "exhausted" or "worn out" ...


I may need to be more careful ...


Have a good day and make sure you've either already voted or have a plan to vote. More thoughts tomorrow, when Cartoon Saturday's last Halloween-themed post will appear in this space ... see you then.

Bilbo

Tuesday, October 22, 2024

Time to Reset the DUMBCON for the Election


Long-time readers of this blog will recall that I established the National Stupidity Condition, or DUMBCON, in July of 2009 as a way of expressing the prevailing level of American stupidity. The original DUMBCON structure was modeled on the military's "Defense Condition" ("DEFCON") system, with five levels ranging from DUMBCON 5 ("Ordinary Stupidity") to DUMBCON 1 ("More Stupid Than You Can Imagine"). I set the original level at DUMBCON 1, skipping over all the lesser levels:


In the 15 years (!) since I established the DUMBCON system, I've changed it numerous times to account for the degree of stupidity. At its highest (in January of 2021), the system had a staggering ten levels, with the highest being DUMBCON Minus 4 ("Time to Volunteer for That One-Way Mars Mission") ...


I've adjusted it several times since then, and the current version (#8) has six levels:

We have been at DUMBCON Zero since January 3rd of this year.

But ...

Given that this is an election year, and that the level of stupidity generated by a single Der Furor-fired MAGA rally - much less the collective lunacy of the GOP and the social and religious right - is almost beyond imagining, I've decided that it's time to adjust the scale once again and reset the DUMBCON to a higher level. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, we are implementing Version 9 of the DUMBCON structure - 


and resetting the level from DUMBCON Zero to

DUMBCON Minus 1.

I will revisit the level after election day and decide whether additional changes are necessary.

Have a good day, and be sure you have a plan to vote if you haven't already. Move everything out from under your bed to make sure there's room to hide.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Sunday, October 20, 2024

Musical Sunday


For our last Musical Sunday offering of the Halloween season, what could be better than the slowly building, magnificently eerie instrumental classic "Tubular Bells," by Mike Oldfield - the theme from "The Exorcist"? ...


Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, October 19, 2024

Cartoon Saturday


Another week swirls down the drain of history. Finally. 

The Israeli government confirmed that its forces had killed Yayah Sinwar, the leader of Hamas; the new fire station in the German town of Stadthallen, destroyed in a multi-million-euro fire, did not have a fire alarm system installed; pop singer Liam Payne of the British boy band One Direction died after falling from the third-floor balcony of his hotel in Buenos Aires ... a rare case of a person dying from a fall from a window who is not connected to Vladimir Putin; in a town hall with Latino voters, Der Furor described the violent mob attack on the Capitol on January 6, 2021, as a "day of love;" and 18 North Korean soldiers sent by Kim Jong-Un to fight for Russia in Ukraine appear to have defected within hours of arriving in the country and are being sought by Russian authorities. 

For our third Cartoon Saturday of the Halloween season, we look at the tightly-wound walking dead - mummies ...

When you use the tools you've got ...


Oh, the horror!! ...


The job is a lot easier now than it was in ancient Egypt ...


Truth ...


An interesting and timesaving shortcut to eternal life ...


I think they should have asked for separate tombs ...


Clearly! ...


At the very, very dry cleaners ...


Va, va, VOOM! ... 


It's in character ...


And there you have it - maybe not the mummy's curse, but surely the mummy's snicker.

Have a good day and a great weekend. Are you ready to vote?

More thoughts tomorrow, when Musical Sunday sticks another toe into the well of scary songs. See you then.

Bilbo

Friday, October 18, 2024

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for October, 2024


We are just over two weeks away from the 2024 General election, in which Americans will elect a new President, all 435 members of the House of Representatives, a third of the Senate, and a raft of state and local officers. 

It's a fraught time in our nation's history, and the choice between parties and candidates has seldom been more clear. Polls - to the extent that the accuracy of polls can be trusted - indicate that Vice President Harris and Der Furor are in a statistical tie, and both parties are spending obscene amounts of money to sway the relative handful of voters who remain "undecided."

The vast number of candidates clamoring for attention has made it difficult over the past year to select appropriate winners for my twice-a-month* Ass Clown Awards, but this time - as the election looms - the choice seems obvious ... at least to me.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, with a roll of drums and a flatulent blare of trumpets, we present the award for

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for October, 2024


to

The Republican Party



The Republican Party, by itself or as a co-awardee, has won this award a towering 17 times previously, including three Ass Clown of the Year awards**.  I can't do a better job of summing up today's deluded, increasingly fascist GOP than did conservative writers Thomas E. Mann and Norm Ornstein, writing in their 2012 (fourteen years ago!) opinion article titled "Let's Just Say It: The Republicans Are the Problem" ...

“The GOP has become an insurgent outlier in American politics. It is ideologically extreme; scornful of compromise; unmoved by conventional understanding of facts, evidence and science; and dismissive of the legitimacy of its political opposition.”

I continue to be utterly amazed that so many of my fellow Americans can ignore the relentless outpouring of distortions, outright lies, and vicious threats from a party to which I once belonged. I continue to be utterly amazed that so many of my fellow Americans can ignore the obvious unfitness of Der Furor for any position of public responsibility, much less the Presidency: his incoherent word salad "speeches"***, reluctance to sit for unscripted interviews by actual journalists, and increasingly violent rhetoric.

No Republican figure currently in office or anxious to be elected to one is willing to admit that their emperor has no political, economic, or policy clothes. They either ignore questions completely or avoid commenting on the most bizarre examples of Der Furor's behavior and rhetoric ("I haven't heard that so I can't comment" is a common dodge). They refuse to acknowledge that Der Furor lost the 2020 election, in spite of overwhelming evidence that this is true. They ignore or wink at Der Furor's most outrageous, fascistic comments about rounding up and deporting migrants (whether legal or illegal is often unclear), turning the National Guard and the Armed Forces against American citizens, trying his political opponents for treason, endorsing violence by police, etc. They are craven, spineless wretches in the service of a man unworthy of their debasement.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, as we enter the home stretch of the 2024 elections, I present October's Left-Cheek Ass Clown Award to the Republican Party - a once-proud party that has tied itself to a charlatan living in an alternate reality.

Have a good day and make sure you vote on November 5th if you haven't already (as I have).

More thoughts tomorrow, when we visit the kings and queens of wrap ... mummies ... for Cartoon Saturday. See you then.

Bilbo

* I could have said "bimonthly," but because that can mean either "twice a month" or "every two months," I'll just go with the unambiguous "twice a month."


*** He calls it "the weave," as if the name gives a rhetorical veneer to incoherent juxtapositions of words generally unrelated to the questions that were asked or the topic to be addressed.

†Say what you will about Vice-President Harris, she sat for a less-than-friendly interview on Fox News ... while the network provided a softball "town hall" for Der Furor with an audience of hand-selected Republican women supporters.


Sunday, October 13, 2024

Poetry Sunday


Halloween is rapidly approaching, and that means it's time for our first Poetry Sunday offering of the spooky season. Today, we revisit this quietly unsettling poem I first encountered when it was quoted in Stephen King's novel 'Salem's Lot ...

The Emperor of Ice-Cream

Call the roller of big cigars,
The muscular one, and bid him whip
In kitchen cups concupiscent curds.
Let the wenches dawdle in such dress
As they are used to wear, and let the boys
Bring flowers in last month's newspapers.
Let be be finale of seem.
The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream.

Take from the dresser of deal,
Lacking the three glass knobs, that sheet
On which she embroidered fantails once
And spread it so as to cover her face.
If her horny feet protrude, they come
To show how cold she is, and dumb.
Let the lamp affix its beam.
The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream.


I haven't looked at ice cream the same way since.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, October 12, 2024

Cartoon Saturday


If the Halloween season isn't frightening enough, there's still the news ...

Hurricane Milton roared across central Florida this week, wreaking more havoc on a state already reeling from the destructive effects of Hurricane Helene and the governorship of Ron DeSantis; war continued to rage in the Middle East, with Israel and Hizballah forces continued to battle in Lebanon; the Oklahoma State Superintendent directed the purchase of tens of thousands of bibles for the state's public schools, and the specifications for the contracted bibles matched only the "God Bless the USA Bible ... the only bible endorsed by [Der Furor]" ... which are printed in China; and in the latest case of rampant illegal immigration, a Chinese woman has been arrested in Vermont for attempting to smuggle 29 eastern box turtles, a protected species, across a Vermont lake into Canada by kayak. 

For our second Halloween-themed Cartoon Saturday, we visit (after sundown, of course) with everyone's favorite bloodsucker not employed by a collection agency or your local loan shark - Dracula ...

Somebody's in trouble ...


When doctors face off against vampires ...


Even the undead keep up with the times ...


Who's more frightened? ...


Practicing defensive eating ...


I guess the old coffin wasn't comfortable enough ...


We may need to update our definition of what constitutes a monster for a new era ...


Okay, vampire boomer ...


Dracula's dog ...


What was the ... dead ... giveaway? ...


And that's it for our Cartoon Saturday visit to Transylvania, and other parts. Hope you enjoyed it!

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when Poetry Sunday takes its own first look at Halloween. See you then.

Bilbo

Friday, October 11, 2024

Great Moments in Editing and Signage


It's time for October's first collection of Great Moments in Editing and Signage - in true Halloween fashion, designed to scare the bejeezus out of linguistic and editorial purists. And away we go ...

When your band wants to make music that's a cut above all the other bands ...


See historic odors? ...


Having seen those historic odors, if you need to get rid of some of them ...


If you're willing to put out, we've got your job! ...


The counter assistant must have been one of those new hires that puts out ...


I don't really think that a wet t-shirt contest in a nursing home is the draw they think it is ...


Methinks Dr Johnson's husband needs a shave ...


At my age, I think I could easily win that pee knuckle tournament ...


A particularly useful admonition at Halloween time ...


Now, this is a scary set up for a jump scare in a horror movie ...


And there you have it - our first collection of Great Moments for October ... I hope you enjoyed it.

Have a good day and be sure to come back tomorrow for the second Cartoon Saturday of the Halloween season, this time visiting the threat posed by evil bloodsuckers. No, not loan sharks, vampires. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Wednesday, October 09, 2024

Bilbo's Endorsement for President


We are less than one month away from the 2024 Presidential Election which, it is safe to say, will be the most consequential since I cast my first presidential vote in 1972 ... for Richard Nixon.

As I've often written in this space, I was a staunch conservative Republican voter from 1972 until, in disgust at the performance of George W. Bush, I voted for John Kerry in 2004. I have consistently voted Democratic ever since, and see no reason to change - especially now. Without the least trace of doubt or reserve, I am voting for - and wholeheartedly endorse - Vice President Kamala Harris for President.


There's an old saying that a person under 30 who is not liberal has no heart, and a person over 30 who is not conservative has no brain. Nowadays, it seems that there are a great many people who claim to be conservative and, regardless of age, appear to have no brain.

I do not say this lightly, because some members of my own family and friends I otherwise care about and respect have chosen to support Der Furor. I cannot understand how they can place their trust in such a demonstrably awful person, a person who spouts the most obviously discreditable lies and cries "foul!" when challenged, cannot speak in complete and rational sentences, and works tirelessly to undermine confidence in the public institutions of the nation he would lead again. It's remarkable that dozens of the people who most closely worked with the former president have gone on record denying his fitness for office and, instead, endorsing Vice-President Harris.

Make no mistake: Vice-President Harris is not a perfect candidate, and suffers from the traditional Democratic problem of espousing big programs while being vague about how they'd be paid for. But consider that the programs she espouses are targeted toward helping ordinary Americans, not big business and the already-wealthy.

Der Furor holds huge rallies at which he talks incoherently for hours; Ms Harris holds smaller rallies (although their size increasingly compares favorably to those of her opponent), but her speeches are clear, understandable, and blessedly short and to the point.

It is a measure of the emptiness and mendacity of Der Furor and his supporters in Congress that they consistently take credit for programs passed by a Democratic administration ... against which they almost invariably voted ... having passed no worthwhile legislation of their own.


Former House Speaker Sam Rayburn once pithily remarked that any jackass can kick down a barn, but it takes a good carpenter to build one. Today's GOP is composed almost entirely of jackasses who miss no opportunity to kick at the barn, yet steadfastly refuse to do the difficult work of legislatively addressing the problems about which they howl. Der Furor and his acolytes in Congress, faced with the vast disaster unleashed by Hurricane Helene, have responded by pouring out a torrent of lies and false information about the federal response to the crisis, actively undermining the work being done by those actually addressing the problems of their fellow citizens in distress.

In the true fashion of authoritarian rulers, Der Furor spins up his followers with wild, fanciful tales of horrific crimes being committed by immigrants ... who, statistically, are far less likely to engage in illegal acts than American citizens.

Der Furor and his enablers continue to insist - in the face of a complete, total lack of evidence - that the 2020 election was stolen from him, and that the 2024 election will be considered "free and fair" only if he wins. They work relentlessly to undermine confidence in the fairness and security of our elections, spouting asinine complaints easily refuted by the least amount of knowledge about actual election administration processes and applicable state and federal laws.

Der Furor and his ilk insist on the importance of "religious freedom," but seek to impose "Christian" beliefs and tenets on a public that worships in a multitude of faiths.

Once again, I stress that Kamala Harris is not an ideal candidate. She is, however, far better equipped - in terms of temperament, lived experience, and government service at the local, state, and federal levels - than Der Furor or JD Vance - separately or together. Her candidacy is endorsed by those who know Der Furor best. She is focused on the American people, not on herself. Her faults pale in comparison to those of her opponents.

There is only one rational choice in next month's election, and it is Vice President Kamala Harris and Governor Tim Walz.

Prove me wrong* if you can. Good luck with that.

Have a good day, and VOTE ... no matter who you vote for. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Using facts, not insults and truth-free diatribe. Otherwise, don't waste my time.