Mothers' Day, 2020

If you were looking for the Poetry Sunday you expected, don't despair. Because today is Mothers' Day, the usual Poetry Sunday will not appear this week so that I can present the thirteenth iteration of my traditional Mothers' Day post, slightly revised and updated. It may be recycled and tweaked, but it comes no less from the heart. If you've read it before, just know that everything still applies ... read it again if you like, or come back another day for my thoughts on other things ...

Today is Mothers' Day, the one day each year we set aside to honor the lady we undervalue the other 364 (365 in leap years like this one). It's the day we remember the person who made our hurts better, explained our homework, cooked our meals, washed our clothes, drove us where we needed to go, warned us about our less-savory acquaintances, embarrassed us in front of our friends, and did her best to point us down the straight line of a moral and upright life.

Mothers are the wonderful and woefully underappreciated people from whom the Army and the Navy stole their one-time recruiting slogans - the Army's "We do more before 9 AM than most people do all day," and the Navy's "It's not just a job, it's an adventure." With all due respect to Soldiers and Sailors everywhere ... you don't have a clue.

Somewhere in my web surfing I found this little riff on how we look at our Mothers at different ages:

Age 4: Mommy can do anything!
Age 8: Mom knows a lot!
Age 12: Mother doesn't know everything.
Age 14: Mother doesn't know anything.
Age 16: Mother is so old-fashioned.
Age 18: Her? She's out of it.
Age 25: Mom might know something about that.
Age 35: Before we decide, let's ask Mom.
Age 45: What would Mom have thought about that?
Age 65: I wish I could talk that over with Mom.

It's true.

My mother passed away nineteen years ago at the far-too-young age of 74. She spent a long and honorable life raising four children who, I like to think, made her proud ... most of the time, anyway. And in her twilight years, her once-formidable mind ravaged by Alzheimer's Disease, she missed much of the result of her love and care and sacrifice - a son who can dance (and who may yet write that book she thought he had in him, instead of a blog), a small army of grandchildren, and six beautiful great-grandchildren who will never know her love and wisdom and the off-the-wall sense of humor* that brightened the lives of everyone who knew her.

The next generation of mothers is moving the family forward. Between them, my beloved daughters Yasmin and Tabitha** are raising the world's six greatest grandchildren (Marcy, Joe, Noah, Leya, Elise, and Ava). And someday those wonderful grandchildren will sit down on Mothers' Day and reflect - just as their opa does today - on the lady who gave up so much of her own life and dreams to make them who they are.

And so again this year, I wish my own Agnes, Yasmin and Tabitha, my sister Lisa and sisters-in-law Laura and Brenda, fellow bloggers Amanda and Fiona, my dear friends Kathy, Gail, and Lioudmila, and all the other mothers out there doing the world's toughest job, a very happy Mothers' Day and many more to come. We couldn't be what we are, or do what we do, without you.

And lest you think I'm getting too maudlin about the whole thing, here's a picture from long ago of my Dad with four then and future moms: my daughter Yasmin, my sister Lisa, Agnes, and my mother ...

We're an odd family, but somehow we've turned out more-or-less all right. Good parents will do that to you.

Oh, and in case you haven't seen it, here's "The Mom Song" by comedian Anita Renfroe, set to the tune of The William Tell Overture ...

Have a good day, and take the time to give your Mother a hug and a kiss. Someday, you'll wish you had.

Bilbo

* Every time you groan at one of my puns, you should be grateful that you never had to go down in flames in a pun war with Mom.

** I don’t think of Tabitha as an “in-law.”

Cartoon Saturday

The beatings will continue until morale improves ...

As if we didn't have enough trouble with Covid-19 and Der Furor, now there are Murder Hornets; in Oklahoma City, two McDonald's employees were shot Wednesday after they told two customers to leave the store's dining area because of coronavirus restrictions; Attorney General William Barr's Justice Department has dropped charges against Michael Flynn, Der Furor's former National Security Advisor, "to restore faith in the justice system," despite the fact that Flynn had pleaded guilty ... twice; Der Furor toured a mask factory in Phoenix, Arizona ... without wearing a mask ... while the song "Live and Let Die" played in the background; and in Austin, Texas, a man who officials do not believe was supposed to have been on the runway was struck and killed by a jet landing at the local airport.

This week, it seems appropriate to check out a collection of cartoons dealing with various aspects of surviving in the age of Covid-19, social distancing, shortages, working from home, etc ...

I often think about this while I'm out walking ...

Dating criteria are evolving ...

I've always found this to be the case ...

Perhaps this is what it will take to make followers of Der Furor go extinct ...

My study looks like this, just not quite as orderly ...

Sad, but true ...

The 2020 remake of "The Mummy" ...

Making out in the age of Covid-19 ...

It's as safe a place as any ...

This may not be quite the right time to ask the question ...

And that's it for this week. In a country and at a time when there's not much to laugh at, I'm trying to do my part to keep you smiling.

Have a good day and a great weekend. Wear your mask, wash your hands, and maintain your social distance, no matter what gun-toting fools demanding the freedom to die say.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for May, 2020

Stay-at-Home orders and shortages of stuff are troublesome, but restrictions that may help keep us alive aren't. With that in mind,

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown Award
for
May, 2020

is presented to

The Screaming Idiot

As we grapple with the difficulties of dealing with a deadly virus that treats people of all races, religions, sexes, and political orientations with equal ferocity, we're learning a lot about the sort of people that make up present-day America. For many big businesses in particular, the health of employees is secondary to the continued ability to generate ever-larger returns for stockholders. For many individual Americans, drunk on the Kool-Aid image of the rugged, self-reliant cowboy who tamed the frontier with nothing but grit and his AR-15's six-shooters, the least suggestion of consideration for the health and safety of others is a horrifically unconstitutional abridgment of the God-given right to do whatever the hell one wants. In the photo above, taken during a demonstration at the Michigan state house, a screaming idiot totally consumed with the importance of his rights above all else screams at an impassive state trooper who would probably love to punch him in the throat. Multiple times.

In Texas, a park ranger trying to get people to observe social distancing for their own good was pushed into a lake by a dumbass who didn't want to be told what to do.

In Michigan, three members of a family are in custody after murdering a Dollar Store security guard who told them they couldn't enter the store without face masks.

Social distancing is hard. Stay at home orders are tough to deal with. Shuttered businesses and jobs on hold are devastating to individuals and families. We Americans aren't used to coping with shortages of anything for more than a day or so around a snowstorm that might last a day or two. The economy is tanking, with all the problems and stresses that go along with it.

But death is final.

It's clear that the full range of disease mitigation measures needed for a megalopolis like New York City may not apply to remote rural communities, but the frantic rush to relax as many restrictions as possible, everywhere, in order to start up the economy again and bolster Der Furor's reelection chances risks another surge in a pandemic that has already taken more than 76,000 American lives.

It's easy for me to cope with the restrictions, because I'm retired and I stay at home all the time, anyhow. I have a pension, Social Security*, and some modest investment income from my IRA. I have lots of hobbies to keep me busy and I don't have to worry about keeping children occupied while I work full-time from home like my own children do. But we need to live. And if we blithely ignore medically-recommended restrictions to prevent the spread of Covid-19, many more of us will die.

And screaming at people who can't fight back won't change that.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Right-Cheek Ass Clown Award for the month of May is presented to a screaming idiot from Michigan as the representative for all the screw-you-I-demand-my-rights people everywhere.

Have a good day, and do the right thing for everyone ... not just yourself. I'll see you tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* At least until the GOP finally manages to destroy it like they've tried to destroy the health care system.

Musical Sunday

One of my old high school friends with whom I've reconnected on Facebook recently shared a video of a song that's one of my favorites, but which I hadn't thought of in connection with the current stay-at-home mandates. Here are the Statler Brothers, counting flowers on the wall ...

Have a good day, remain socially distant, and wash your hands. And let me know how many flowers there are on your wall ... or holes in your acoustic tile ceiling. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

It's only the second day of the month, and it feels like it ought to be August already ...

The death toll from Covid-19 in the United States has topped 65,000; North Korean leader Kim Jong Un celebrated the completion of a fertilizer factory near Pyongyang, making his first public appearance in three weeks and ending an absence that had triggered rumors of his death; the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has authorized emergency use of the Ebola drug remdesivir for treating the coronavirus; a small access hatch socially distanced itself from a B-52 bomber flying over New Orleans to honor the city's medical workers, but fell to the ground without causing damage or injuries; and new White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany announced in her first press briefing that she would never lie to the public, then went on to make a number of statements of ... um ... questionable veracity.

This week, with all the worry about the economy and the fragility of the workplace, I thought a few cartoons about working would be appropriate.

I know a lot of people who are better off in this way ...

It must have been a brown slip, rather than a pink one ...

American capitalism, 2020 ...

Salary negotiation in May, 2020 ...

Making the best of a bad situation ...

I love this strip, and Fi and Dethany are two of my favorite characters ... I love Fi's attitude ...

She's a natural for a top-level position in Der Furor's administration ...

Indeed ...

It's Der Furor's approach. The flip side is asking what the other can be blamed for ...

There are endless variations on the no-need-to-wear-pants-in-the-home-office theme ...

And that's it for the first Cartoon Saturday in May. If you still have a job, I hope you keep it and aren't stiffed by your employer in favor of stock buybacks and such.

Have a good day and a great weekend, wear a mask, and wash your hands. More thoughts tomorrow, when the Statler Brothers clue us in on some ways to pass the time in lockdown. See you then.

Bilbo

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

Welcome to May! And away we go ...

Just wait 'til Der Furor gets done with it ... we'll be back to the Pony Express, except with the ponies replaced by oxcarts ...

Not coronavirus! Move along folks, nothing to see here ...

About spelling? Not very much ...

Well, yes ...

He must have gotten a boatload of bad luck from that one ...

Um ... I'm not sure about this one ...

You must have seen this one by now ... it's been posted and reposted on Facebook and Twitter about a million times, complete with pictures of people with bananas duct-taped to their faces ...

Now, that's some serious sourcing metadata ...

They picked the right caterer ...

Sometimes, a story can provide a little too much information ...

That's it for today. Be safe, wear a mask and gloves, wash your hands, and write ol' Bilbo a letter since you don't have anything else to do in quarantine.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow, when Cartoon Saturday returns.

Bilbo

Poetry Sunday

There are a lot of jokes being made now about how excited dogs are that their owners are home all day, every day, and are giving them lots and lots of walks. I know from experience that all those walks are wonderful for the young dogs, but not quite so much for those a bit on in years ...

Walking My Seventy-Five-Year-Old Dog

by Billy Collins

She's painfully slow,
so I often have to stop and wait
while she sniffs some roadside weeds
as if she were reading the biography of a famous dog.

And she's not a pretty sight any more,
dragging one of her hind legs,
her coat too matted to brush or comb,
and a snout white as a marshmallow.

We usually walk down a disused road
that runs along the edge of a lake,
whose surface trembles in a high wind
and is slow to ice over as the months grow cold.

We don't walk very far before
she sits down on her worn haunches
and looks up at me with her rheumy eyes.
Then it's time to carry her back to the car.

Just thinking about the honesty in her eyes,
I realize I should tell you
she's not really seventy-five. She's fourteen.
I guess I was trying to appeal to your sense

of the bizarre, the curiosities of the sideshow.
I mean who really cares about another person's dog?
Everything else I've said is true,
except the part about her being fourteen.

I mean she's old, but not that old,
and it's not nice to divulge the true age of a lady.

Have a good day, walk your dog, and then wash your hands when you're done. The dog will appreciate it ... the walk, I mean, not so much the hand washing.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

It's getting weirder and weirder ...

In a bizarre daily briefing on Thursday, Der Furor suggested that the coronavirus could be fought by injections of disinfectant or by shining ultraviolet light inside the body; Facebook announced it will label posts with their geographic origin in an attempt to curb political misinformation by foreign-based pages that mimic legitimate groups and political parties; a new website for key workers in the United Kingdom to book coronavirus tests was temporarily closed only hours after being opened by the government when it was overwhelmed by responses; saying that it was a symbol that had the “power to inflame” division, the commandant of the Marine Corps banned the public display of the Confederate battle flag on Marine bases; and in North Korea, dictator and paramour of Der Furor Kim Jong Un may or may not be dead, seriously ill, brain-dead, or in robust health following his absence from public view over the past weeks.

This week, in honor of the ongoing gloom-and-doom about the coronavirus pandemic, I thought a collection of cartoons featuring variations on "the end is near" would not be out of place ...

I think we've had enough plot twists, thank you ...

Another predictable, but groanable pun ...

Unfortunately, you have to pay a separate membership fee for that armageddon ...

Well, yes, there's that ...

I think he used to work for Der Furor ...

He's out of turpentine ... repaint, and thin no more ...

Don't worry ... the junk mail will still find you ...

I'm sure we would have noticed ...

But who would you show the video to? ...

Now that is the true sign of the End Times ...

And now, Dear Readers, the end of this post is near. I'll just remind you to observe social distancing, wear a mask if you need to go out, wash your hands, and come back tomorrow for Poetry Sunday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2020

SPECIAL NOTE: After yesterday's bizarre daily coronavirus briefing performance by Der Furor, who is now touting light treatments (inside and outside the body) and injections of disinfectant to kill the virus, I was strongly tempted to revoke his Lifetime Award and present today's award to him, but my original selection was just too tempting. Do not inject yourself with Clorox, Pine Sol, or other disinfectants as anti-corona measures ... there are enough credulous supporters of Der Furor to do that.

After years of difficulty in selecting winners from the madding crowd, the selection process just gets easier all the time. The award for

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2020

is presented, without the least doubt or question, to

Las Vegas Mayor

Carolyn Goodman

At a time when the nation is in the grip of a deadly pandemic, led by an inept government that protects its citizens with smoke, mirrors, happy-talk, ignorance of science, and insults directed at its critics, many people are exhibiting insanely stupid behavior that denies the reality of the danger of Covid-19. Many of those people are idiots who demonstrate loudly to have businesses open so they can get haircuts or manicures ... they would be nothing but a foolish and embarrassing annoyance were they not in a position to spread disease and death through their ignorant and dangerous behavior. 

Far worse that these lunatics, because she is in a position of leadership that allows her to make decisions and implement policies that can spread the deadly coronavirus, is Las Vegas mayor Carolyn Goodman (an Independent, not a Republican or Democrat) who, in an interview with Anderson Cooper on April 22nd, said she wants the city to reopen, offering it up as a "control group" to measure the effects of lifting restrictions. In the bizarre and free-wheeling interview, Mayor Goodman offered no plan on how to open up the city safely, and said that businesses were responsible to develop guidelines and plans themselves. She also criticized Cooper for "talking disease," while she was "talking life and living." You can watch the entire surreal interview here.

There's nothing more to say about how low we've sunk here in 2020 America.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2020, is Las Vegas Mayor Carolyn Goodman ... a mayor whose leadership style seems likely to have the unintended consequence of voter suppression ... one way or another.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday ... you know you need the laughs at a time like this.

More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Musical Sunday

This past Tuesday we noted the birthday of the English film and TV producer Gerry Anderson, who was responsible for many of the futuristic television shows using the technique of "supermarionation" - like "Supercar" and "Fireball XL-5" - that I enjoyed so much when I was a child. One thing I remember in particular from those days is the insanely catchy earworm that was the theme song of the show "Fireball XL-5" ... so I thought I'd infect you with it, too ... it's a lot more fun than some stupid virus ...

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend ... if the POTUS, who (as we now know) has complete and total authority over everything*) says it's okay, that is.

More thoughts later.

Bilbo

* Except what he says the governors do, but for which he criticizes them when they exercise it.