Musical Sunday

This past Thursday we celebrated the birthday of one of my favorite singer/songwriters, the late Nanci Griffith. Her most-remembered song is probably "Late Nite Grande Hotel," but my favorite is this one, sung live at a 1998 concert in Glasgow. Nanci died in 2021, far too soon.

Here are the lyrics: 

Let me ride on the wall of death one more time

Let me ride on the wall of death one more time

You can waste your time on the other rides

But this is the nearest to being alive

Let me take my chances on the Wall of Death

You can go with the crazy people in the crooked house

You can fly away on the rocket or spin in the mouse

The tunnel of love might amuse you

And Noah's Ark might confuse you but

Let me take my chances on the Wall of Death

On the Wall of Death

All the World is far from me

On the Wall of Death

It's the nearest to being free

Well you're going nowhere when you ride on the carousel

And maybe you're strong, but what's the use of ringing a bell

The switchback will make you crazy

Beware of the bearded lady

Oh let me take my chances on the Wall of Death

You're going nowhere when you ride on the carousel

And maybe you're strong, but what's the use of ringing a bell

The switchback will make you crazy

Beware of the bearded lady

Let me take my chances

Let me take my chances

Let me take my chances

"You can go with the crazy people in the crooked house" is not meant to encourage support of GOP members of the House "Freedom Caucus," but it would certainly be appropriate.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Sigh ...

The man who murdered 23 people by gunfire at an El Paso Walmart in 2019 has been sentenced to 90 consecutive life terms in prison; the Biden administration has decided it will provide cluster munitions to Ukraine as part of a new package of lethal military aid; the Fury 325 roller coaster at a Charlotte, NC, amusement park was shut down after a large crack was discovered in a steel support pillar; a review panel has recommended that Der Furor's lawyer Rudy Giuliani be disbarred for his aggressive pursuit of false claims about the 2020 election; and in the Mexican town of San Pedro Huamelula, mayor Victor Hugo Sosa has married a caiman (an alligator-like reptile) named Alicia Adriana as part of an ancestral ritual meant to bring good fortune to his people ... before the ceremony, Alicia Adriana - her snout bound shut to prevent dangerously-passionate kissing - was taken from house to house dressed in a headdress of ribbons so residents could dance with her.

This week, a look at my summer passion - gardening. I have other passions, but I'm too old for most of them.

The German in me wants to try this one, but I can't find beer seeds ...

This is how I feel about the local deer population ... I'm not running any all-you-can-eat salad bar for the critters ...

Me, too ...

'Gnome sayin'? ...

Technically, it's not a cartoon, but it's accurate ....

I'm not so good at indoor gardening ...

It's one way to deal with unpleasant neighbors ...

This is how it works for me with things like Brussels sprouts and eggplant ...

Weeding is a pain, but it really is very theraputic! ...

An actual image of Agnes showing me where to plant a new tree* ...

And that's it for our collection of gardening-related cartoons for the week - can you dig it?

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when Musical Sunday returns.

Bilbo

* This is also an accurate representation of the act of gardening in Northern Virginia, which consists of coaxing plants to grow in a quarter-inch of topsoil over eight feet of clay and rocks.

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

It's a new month! Time for another collection of things that didn't turn out quite as was perhaps intended ...

Well, I'm sure some artists are anal, but art itself? Not so sure ...

When you fuse visual art and culinary creativity, do you really get food farts? ...

I have a feeling that barbarian cream filling can cause indigestion ...

You do understand that tomato soup is made with tomatoes and chicken noodle soup is made with chicken, right? ...

Badgers!? We don't need no stinkin' badgers! ...

Well, this article didn't age well. I can think of some orange-hued people who wouldn't be tamed by prison, either, although I'd give it a shot ...

I wonder if this is something that's covered in library science courses ...

Please take Fido to the church for attention ...

Based on the noises that come from Agnes's sewing room, I think this is the most appropriate store matchup, ever ...

Yes ... common sense, coupled with a really big bolt cutter ...

And that's it for our first collection of editorial and signage ya-ha's for the month of July, 2023. I hope they made you smile ... and be very concerned about the state of language education in our schools.

Have a good day, and be sure to come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday - more thoughts then!

Bilbo

LGBTQ etc.

Dear Reader, let me ask you a personal question, if I may ... are you lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, queer, or anything else covered under "+"?

You don't have to answer, because I don't care. Why should I? Why should anyone? Who you choose to love is your business, not mine ... just as you get no vote on who I'm attracted to.

By way of full disclosure, you should know that I am an ordinary, traditional, heterosexual man. I've never been attracted sexually to another man, nor do I understand why, in a world filled with women like Agnes, Scarlett Johanssen, and Sophia Loren, any man would be attracted to another man, or any woman to another woman. But the fact that I don't understand it doesn't mean that it isn't real to those who are.

I accept that some people have sexual attractions different from my own. And you know what? I'm good with that. As long as they're willing to accept me as I am, I have no problem with accepting them as they are. You leave me alone, I'll leave you alone. Live and let live.

As it happens, I have many friends are gay, lesbian, or whatever*. I enjoy spending time with them, sharing common interests in music, dancing, movies, art, and generally enjoying life. Their sexual orientation is of no consequence in our mutual enjoyment of any of those things.

Many people who have an issue with LGBTQ+ people base their opinion on their "deeply-held religious beliefs." Well, okay, then ... if being LGBTQ+ offends your religious beliefs, don't do it. And don't expect everyone else to change their lives to accommodate you. 

And if you are one of those who likes to use your religious beliefs as a cudgel to beat other people, consider that the Golden Rule** admonishes you to

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

The world will be a better place if you do.

Have a good day. Respect the rights and feelings of others, even when you don't agree with them. We'll all be a lot happier.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* This is a common dodge used by many people to sugar-coat their actual opposition to people of other races, religions, or sexual orientations: "I've got a lot of _____ friends, but ..." In my case, though, it's actually true.

** A version of which is common to every religion, as far as I know.

The Monopoly of Violence

The German historian and sociologist Max Weber, in his 1918 lecture “Politics as a Vocation,” defined the state as a “human community that (successfully) claims the monopoly of the legitimate use of physical force within a given territory.” Political scientists in general tend to accept the fact that one of the defining characteristics of an independent state is the control of armed forces and/or police who alone are authorized to use violence in the state's name.

The importance of the "monopoly of force" or "monopoly of violence" to the state was of great interest as we watched events in Russia unfold last week, when mercenary forces of the Wagner Group under the leadership of Yevgeny Prigozhin marched on Moscow in what appeared to be an abortive coup ... whether against the leadership of the military (as Prigozhin claimed) or against Vladimir Putin himself remains unclear. 

Regardless of the final target, Mr Putin learned a valuable lesson about allowing a private army to operate outside the control of his government.

But Mr Putin wasn't the only one who should have learned a lesson.

Here in the United States, we have a proliferation of armed groups and amateur militias who believe in their right to use violence to implement their interpretation of the Constitution and the law ... the "Proud Boys," the "Oathkeepers," the "Three-Percenters" and others demonstrated their willingness on January 6th, 2021, to use force to overturn an election that didn't produce the results they wanted. These are not the "well-regulated militias" envisioned by the Founders in the Holy Second Amendment (let me hear you say, "halleluja!"), but groups who would impose their vision on you by force. 

What's worrisome about the home-grown militias is that they're not all a bunch of pudgy, bearded, military cosplay Gravy Seals pretending to be heroic figures ... some of them are serious, heavily-armed people with military training who absolutely believe that their freedoms (however they define them, and regardless of yours) are being trampled upon by a tyrannical government, and that they are justified in doing whatever it takes to get the government and the freedoms they want.

A "well-regulated militia" protects the nation and respects the rule of law. The home-grown equivalent of a Wagner Group does not.

Think about that when you cast your votes. 

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Poetry Sunday

Today is July 2nd ... we're just two days away from the Fourth of July, the traditional high point of summer. Each season has its things to recommend it. In today's poem, Laura Foley considers some of the things one can be grateful for in summer ... at least, in a summer not tainted by smoke from wildfires or the blistering temperatures beneath a heat dome ...

Gratitude List

by Laura Foley

Praise be this morning, for sleeping late,

the sandy sheets, the ocean air,

the midnight storm that blew its waters in.

Praise be the morning swim, mid-tide,

the clear sands underneath our feet,

the dogs who leap into the waves,

their fur, sticky with salt,

the ball we throw again and again.

Praise be the green tea with honey,

the bread we dip in finest olive oil,

the eggs we fry. Praise be the reeds,

gold and pink in the summer light,

the sand between our toes,

our swimsuits, flapping in the breeze.

Enjoy your summer, and stay hydrated. Winter is coming.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

  

Cartoon Saturday

And a new month of ass clownery begins ...

A Florida jury acquitted a sheriff’s deputy on felony child neglect and other charges for failing to act to protect students during the 2018 Parkland school massacre; riots continued across France and at least 150 people have been arrested after the fatal shooting of a 17-year-old boy by police near Paris during a traffic check; the Supreme Court voted along ideological lines to end the practice of race consciousness ("affirmative action") in college admissions, to declare President Biden's student loan forgiveness program unconstitutional, and to prioritize religious beliefs over common courtesy and decency; Larry Householder, a two-time Republican speaker of the Ohio House of Representatives, was sentenced to 20 years in prison for orchestrating one of the largest political scandals in the state’s history, involving nearly $60 million in bribes to help pass a billion-dollar energy bailout; and in Delphi, Indiana, double murder suspect Richard Allen allegedly confessed to the killings several times in a phone call he placed to his wife ... from the jail.

This week, since the middle class is getting screwed at every turn, we may as well laugh about it with a collection of cartoons about sex ...

I wonder if the box ever gets opened? ...  

When the terminology matters ...

I'm old enough that this doesn't seem as funny as it should ...

Well, whose name would YOU shout? ...

After you hit a certain age, you need reference books ...

No comment ...

I try to not use my DJ voice ...

He was probably right to call the doctor ...

A little study up front can prevent embarrassment ...

No telling what this movie would have been rated ...

And that's it for this week's edition of Cartoon Saturday ... time for me to pull out. Sorry.

Have a good day and a great weekend, and I'll see you back here tomorrow for Poetry Sunday ... more thoughts then.

Bilbo

The On-Crack Ass Clown for June, 2023

June is one of two months in 2023 in which the calendar allows for three Ass Clown Awards - the other will be December. Fortunately, the number of Ass Clowns available as potential awardees is enormous and growing daily. Such an embarrassment of riches, of course, complicates the job of selecting a single winner, but such is the burden I square my shoulders and stoically bear.

Although the tag team of Vladimir Putin and Yevgeny Prigozhin made a strong bid for this period's award, I felt that a more appropriate winner could be found closer to home. And so it is, Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, that I name as

The On-Crack Ass Clown for June, 2024

Senator Tommy Tuberville (R, GA)

Senator Tuberville is a previous award winner, having been named our On-Crack Ass Clown for July of 2021, but returns today, just shy of a year later, with a new, and very strong claim to his second award. 

The United States Senate, once known with some rationale as "the world's greatest deliberative body*," has nowadays all but ground to a halt, unable to effectively legislate because of the partisan vitriol that prevents compromise on all but the most inoffensive of issues**. Senate confirmation of more than 250 senior military promotions and assignments, normally all but a pass-through action, have been blocked for months because of Mr Tuberville's objection to a Pentagon policy on abortion-related travel. One bit of fallout from this is that, if Mr Tuberville fails to back away from his blockade, the Marine Corps will, as of July 10th, have no confirmed Commandant for the first time in 164 years. 

Given the way things are going in the world, the lack of such a large number of confirmed leaders in the correct positions is more than an embarrassment, it's a national security issue. The nation's defense is being impaired because of the vanity and personal positions of a single senator whose only qualification for office is that he was once a football coach. And his justification is this: "... this is the rules. We can make a hold on anything we want.”

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the On-Crack Ass Clown for June, 2023, is Alabama Senator Tommy Tuberville - a man proudly and stubbornly willing to put his own ideas and beliefs above the good of the nation.

Have a good day. See you back here tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* Although this may be a myth. See this article for some history.

** And as we have seen, there's always someone who can take offense to the most inoffensive of issues.

"Alpha Males"

As if there weren't enough rampant stupidity going on nowadays, we now have the rise of the "Alpha Male."

The dictionary definition of an "alpha male" is "a male animal having the highest rank in a dominance hierarchy;" it is often applied to the social hierarchies of gorillas, chimpanzees, and other simians, but it has come to have its own meaning in today's human societies as a man who is "the most dominant, powerful, or assertive man in a particular group." Typical "alpha males" include champion athletes, senior military leaders, CEOs of major industries, and so on.

But nowadays, with the culture wars raging around us and insecure (mostly white) men seeing their perceived social and political dominance declining, it's become important to a lot of frightened men to self-identify as "alpha males," as if wishing would make it so. They tend to abound on Twitter, with a prime example being the fellow who identifies himself as "Nick Adams (Alpha Male)" and another being Der Furor, who strikes me as being one of the least alpha of the species. This is a typical example of one of Mr Adams' tweets (a twofer, as it also includes his worship of Der Furor) ...

He seems to have missed the irony that the most recent "Titan" in the news was the one that imploded and sank in the Atlantic. 

There are plenty of other ludicrous signs, posters, and flags depicting the flabby and inarticulate 77-year-old Furor as an imagined magnificent specimen of the "alpha male," such as this one ...

 

and this one ...

These are, of course, stupid. Indeed, they remind me of the characters who refer to themselves as incels.

I don't need to think of myself as an "alpha male" in the current context, or in any context. I try to be a good father and grandfather, deal honestly and courteously with people*, pay my bills, vote, and generally be a good citizen. My sporting days are long past: I ran on the cross-country team in high school (with no particular distinction), played and coached soccer, and (for a while) was a nationally-ranked amateur ballroom dancer in my age and experience category. Today, I work happily in my garden, exercising my alpha authority over weeds and predatory insects. I try not to take myself too seriously ... and when I do, Agnes is always happy to help get me re-grounded.

In a dramatic (and appropriate to our discussion) moment in the series Game of Thrones, Tywin Lannister (played by the brilliant Charles Dance) chastised his petulant nephew King Joffrey by telling him, "Any man who must say 'I am the king' is no true king" ...

And if you have to tell people you're an "alpha male," you need to seek some other Greek letter for yourself ... perhaps mu, for moron.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Until they give me reason to do otherwise.

Thoughts on Elections

I don't know about you, but I'm really sick of hearing all the noisy, evidence-free whining about election fraud. So far, the only effect of all this horse-hockey has been to undermine public confidence in our elections and in each other, which is not a good thing for a functioning democracy.

How did we get here, and what can we do to fix it?

I'm no expert in constitutional law*, and I'm at best a well-read amateur historian and political commentator, but I've been working as a trained, certified, sworn Election Officer here in Fairfax County, Virginia, for more than ten years, which I think gives me a certain amount of credibility to comment on election law and procedures. All that being said, I think most of our electoral problems** stem from the Constitution - specifically, the first clause of Article 1, Section 4, which reads

"The Times, Places and Manner of holding Elections for Senators and Representatives, shall be prescribed in each State by the Legislature*** thereof; but the Congress may at any time by Law make or alter such Regulations, except as to the Places of chusing (sic) Senators."

The obvious result of this unfortunate guidance is that we have 50 different sets of rules, regulations, and procedures to govern our elections†. This means that an observer accustomed to the procedures in their own state may look at the procedures in another state and misinterpret fully normal and legal actions as evidence of chicanery. 

Why was the Constitution written this way? I'm not sure what the historical record says, but I suspect it was to prevent some future, overly-powerful federal government from being able to dictate the results of state-level elections. 

The thing that wonders me about the wording of the Constitution, though, is that it specifies that the states control the times, places, and manner of elections for senators and representatives - not for the Presidency. 

I can tilt my head to one side, squint, and sort of see an argument for states to decide their own procedures for electing senators and representatives because of their individual needs, desires, traditions, and histories. For instance, Texans might want to settle election disputes by gunfire at high noon, where Oregonians might resort to logrolling contests, or Floridians to alligator wrestling. But when we talk about the election of a President who (theoretically) represents every single American and the nation as a whole, I think it makes sense to be uniform in our approach. How much of the flailing agony about whether to count absentee ballots before or after votes cast in person, or what the design of ballots should look like, or where the final tabulation of votes is conducted, could have been avoided if only the states all did things the same way?

I also think that we've gone so far in our attempts to prevent election fraud that we've made it easier to create forced errors that can create the illusion of fraud where none exists. For instance, here in Virginia we have very detailed and thorough procedures for making sure everything is secure and all the numbers add up. During the election process, we have very detailed guidelines of what sorts of identification are valid and what to do when there's any question of a voter's eligibility. When the polls close, we have agonizingly detailed and complicated procedures for squaring the number of voters checked in with the number of ballots issued with the number of ballots scanned by the voting tabulation machines. Every single ballot must be accounted for, every number needs to balance, and all the numbers must be painstakingly entered by hand into multiple forms for submission to various agencies. Every seal removed from every machine must be witnessed by at least two people, and returned to the correct office in the appropriate envelope. The numbers of every seal removed from or applied to anything must be certified by at least two people and carefully noted on the appropriate forms, which must be returned to the proper office in the correct envelope. Etc, etc, etc.

Can you see where there might be room for human error in all this?

All this folderol is necessary because the Constitution builds complication and uncertainty into our elections, because lawyers gotta litigate, and because power-hungry people have undermined trust in our electoral processes for cheap political advantage.

My recommendation: enact a law to standardize voting processes and procedures for presidential elections across all 50 states. Naturally, this would be difficult, because each state will want to keep its own procedures and force the others to adopt them. For this reason, a bipartisan national commission on voting standardization would need to be tasked with studying the problem and making a formal recommendation.

It's a bizarre fantasy, but you should see some of my other ones††.

Benjamin Franklin is reported to have answered a person who asked what sort of government the Founders were creating by saying, "A republic, if you can keep it." Sadly, at the rate we're going, we won't keep it much longer.

Have a good day. Vote carefully and responsibly. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* And neither are most of the people who howl loudest about what they think the Constitution says.

** Other than the quality of the candidates.

*** You may recall that we discussed the craziness of the "Independent Legislature" theory in a previous post.

† It's not only elections that are complicated by allowing each state to set its own rules ... consider our widely-varying standards of education (or non-education), medical care, firearms laws, etc, etc.

†† On second thought, you probably shouldn't.