Believe it or not, I cannot think of a single thing about which to write this morning.
Well, that's not quite true. I can think of lots of things to write about this morning. I just can't focus enough to write a full-length post about any of them.
And so, here is yet another collection of short, random things from my Blog Fodder file...
1. Miss Manners, the etiquette lady, has recently deplored "Ovation Inflation" - the tendency of audiences to give standing ovations to even the most mediocre performances. She believes this cheapens the honor represented by a standing ovation, depriving truly outstanding performers of the confirmation that they have excelled at their craft. I guess I agree. I always thought that a standing ovation was what happened when a chicken laid an egg while in an erect posture.
2. Three more Tom Swifties:
"I'm going to use a large explosive to kill the tiny mites on these fish," Tom said bombastically.
"Conifers stink," Tom opined.
"This is the best sandwich ever!", Tom cried suboptimally.
3. A list of new dog breeds recently recognized by the American Kennel Club:
Collie + Lhasa Apso - Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport.
Spitz + Chow Chow - Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot.
Pointer + Setter - Poinsetter, the traditional Christmas pet.
Great Pyrenees + Dachshund - Pyradachs, a puzzling breed.
Pekingese + Lhasa Apso - Peekasso, an abstract dog.
Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel - Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as mountain air.
Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever - Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists.
Terrier + Bulldog - Terribull, not a good dog.
Bloodhound + Labrador - Blabrador, a dog that barks incessantly.
Malamute + Pointer - Moot Point, owned by…oh, well, it doesn’t matter anyway.
Collie + Malamute - Commute, a dog that travels to work.
Deerhound + Terrier - Derriere, a dog that’s true to the end.
Bull Terrier + Shitzu - You figure this one out.
4. Terrible joke of the day:
A man goes to the doctor’s office and moans, "Doc, you gotta check out my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear to my thigh; you'll hear it."
The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh and heard, "Gimme a hundred bucks. I need a hundred bucks!"
"Why, I've never heard anything like this before! How long has this been going on?" said the doctor.
"About a week. But there's more, Doc. Put your ear to my knee."
The doctor placed his ear to the man's knee and heard, "Gimme fifty bucks. Come on, lend me fifty bucks!"
The doctor was dumbfounded. "I don't know what to tell you. I've never encountered anything like this before!"
"Wait, Doc, there's more. Put your ear to my ankle."
The doctor did and heard, "Please, gimme a twenty. All I'm askin' is a measly twenty bucks!"
The doctor shook his head. "I have no medical diagnosis for you," he said. "But I can tell you this: your leg is broke in at least three places!"
Perhaps by tomorrow morning I will have regained my focus and be able to write a proper post. Or not. You'll just have to come back to find out.
Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.