Thursday, February 12, 2009

Odds and Ends. Mostly Odds.

A few things from the Blog Fodder file...

From the delightful paradise at the heart of the ever-tolerant Middle East comes this story: Saudi Arabia Bans All Things Red Ahead of Valentine's Day. Yes, according to the bearded, frowning guardians of medieval morality, Valentine's Day "encourages immoral relations between unmarried men and women," and each year the kingdom's religious police raid stores ahead of the horrible day to make sure no red clothing, roses, Valentine's cards, or other such hideously evil things are available to tempt the pure and right-thinking citizens...who go to neighboring countries to buy red clothing, roses, Valentine's cards, and other such hideously evil things. I think I'll wear as much red as I can on Valentine's day, just on principle.

Are you a closet Taliban? According to Tudor Constantin's blog, you might be a Taliban if...

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You've often uttered the phrase, "I love what you've done with your cave."

10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.

Getting back to the ever-joyous world of the Middle East, a cheerful and fun-loving Egyptian cleric named Galal al-Khatib presented, in a televised sermon, a three-step plan for men who need to discipline recalcitrant wives. You can read the full translation (and watch the exciting video) at the MEMRI website. A few highlights:

* “The first measure for reforming a disobedient wife is to admonish her. The husband should talk to her gently, reminding her of God, and reminding her that if she wants to enter Paradise, she must obey him. He must tell her that by pleasing her husband, she pleases God, and that his rights supersede the rights of her parents.”

What if she still won't obey?

* “Okay, if admonishing doesn’t work, the next measure is ‘banishment.’ Some say that the wife should be banished from his bed, while others say he should refrain from having sex with her, although I do not agree with the latter view, because having sex is one of the rights of the husband, so how can he discipline her by depriving himself of sex?”

And if all that doesn't work...

* “Okay, he’s tried admonishing, he's tried banishment - but nothing. Her emotions are numb, and she says: Good riddance. So what is the next measure? … Beating … Beating is one of the punishments of religious law ... By beating his wife, the husband is saying: You've committed a grave sin that merits beatings.”

Somehow, I don't think this is the sort of moral guidance the author of the song "Gimme That Old-Time Religion" had in mind. This is real old-time religion.

And finally for today, I found this great quote in a list of comments by police officers replying to complaints from people who were irked about getting tickets:

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs, and step in monkey poop."

Just a few things to think about as you face another day in the economic trenches...

And remember: life ain't fair. Watch out for the monkey poop.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.



The Mistress of the Dark said...

Nope not Taliban

Amanda said...

Me neither.

On point No. 4.....I'm always wondering about it over here.

Melissa B. said...

No "closet Talibans" here. But we might have a few closet Saudis. We haven't seen red around the house for VD in years!

Twinkie said...

I might have to steal your Taliban questions. I laughed hysterically on at least two of those questions.

Leslie David said...

Didn't India throw some big hissy fit about the whole Valentine's Day a couple years ago? Frankly I'm sick of the hype and commercialism of this made-up holiday. I'll be playing "Love Stinks" on my CD player Saturday.

Totally unrelated--so I'm checking out of the library last night and since it's 9 pm, closing time they start playing a CD to remind you that while you don't have to go home, you do have to go...and it's Yo Yo Ma's Soul of the Tango. Yes, they are playing tango music in the library! Needless to say I went online to see about buying the CD.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Love the Taliban list!

Mike said...

I've never seen the taliban list before. I'm going to have to get on Bandits butt. He usually sends me stuff like that.

Wv - entiers - She was not entiers when her taliban husband blew himself up.

dancer said...

Regarding #4 on the list: Never shake with a one-handed Taliban.

anOCgirl said...

the suggestions on how to discipline your wife seem to have come from the FLDS! i've been reading Escape by Carolyn Jessop, the story of a woman who grew up in the FLDS, hated it, and eventually escaped her nasty husband and was able to take her 8 kids with her. but yeah, that's exactly how Merril Jessop kept his wives in line.

MBodman88 said...

Well, Valentine's Day is a horribly evil holiday. But darnnit if I have to celebrate it, so do those in the Middle East!!!