Friday, April 25, 2008

Baseball as Religious Metaphor

Regular readers of this blog know that I am frequently critical of blind faith in any particular system of religious belief, because blind faith can lead to blind justification of some of the worst in human behavior. There are, literally, hundreds of different religions, all of which tend to believe that all the others are misguided at best, or hateful at worst.

How do you sort out all the different religions?

One of my friends sent me an interesting and funny e-mail yesterday that explained religious belief systems in terms of baseball. It seems to me to be as good a model as any, and so here - with a few edits of my own - is Bilbo's Guide to Religion as Baseball:

Calvinists believe the game is fixed.

Lutherans believe they can't win, but trust the Scorekeeper.

Quakers won't swing.

Unitarians can catch anything.

Amish walk a lot.

Pagans sacrifice.

Catholics feel guilty about stealing bases.

Jews always expect to lose, and get nervous when they don’t.

Jehovah's Witnesses are thrown out often.

Christian Scientists play when injured.

Televangelists get caught stealing.

Buddhists spend all their time getting ready for the next game.

Episcopalians pass the plate.

Methodists want to rewrite the rules.

Muslims won’t play by any rules but their own, and must travel to Cooperstown at least once.

Evangelicals make effective pitches.

Fundamentalists balk.

Hindus refuse to kill the umpire, because he might be a relative.

Fundamentalist Mormons are in left field.

Dunkers are down by three.

Adventists have a seventh-inning stretch.

Atheists refuse to have an umpire.

Agnostics will play, but don’t know whether or not to accept the authority of the umpire.

Baptists want to play hardball.

Premillenialists expect the game to be called soon on account of darkness.

The Pope claims never to have committed an error.

I hope this helps. If you have any suggestions for the list, send them in.

Now, go out and play ball. Faithfully.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.



Anonymous said...


Your edits are fantastic!

You know who.

Amanda said...

I don't know much about baseball but still, I found many of these funny!

Mike said...

I just sent this out in an email to about ten people. I don't know where you got this but we will see how long it takes to make the email rounds and get back to you or me.