Friday, April 11, 2008

My Next Car

The first car I ever owned was a 1973 AMC Hornet Sportabout. I have also owned many other cars over the years, including a Volkswagen Rabbit, a Chevy Nova, a Ford Aerostar van, and - now - a 1999 Pontiac Grand Prix. They've all been good cars in their way, but yesterday I found the car I really want:

Yes, it's a tank.

According to this article from the Flint (Michigan) Journal, Kettering University Student Will Foster has built a 1/2-size model of a World War II-vintage German panzer. According to Mr Foster, the tank cost about $2000 to build, has a maximum speed of 20mph on a three-cylinder diesel engine, and is equipped with an air cannon which fires golf balls and empty Red Bull cans.

I have just got to have one of these.

Just think of it: no more worries about finding a parking place - just park on top of anyone who's in the space you like. No more fears of other drivers with road rage. Plenty of traction for those nasty winter driving conditions. Of course, gas mileage is probably not that great, and it's probably tough to parallel park, but hey, it's a tank. How cool is that?

The great 1932 film "If I Had a Million" tells the stories of eight people selected at random from the telephone book by a dying millionaire who leaves each a million dollars. My favorite is W.C. Fields, who plays frustrated driver Rollo La Rue: Rollo uses his money to buy a fleet of old cars and hire a crew of drivers...each time he goes out for a drive, he takes several of the cars with him and, when another driver angers him, he signals one of his crew...who pulls out and rams the offending car. I've often wished I could do that, but a tank is definitely better.

I hope the airlines get their schedules straightened out soon, because I've got to get to Flint right away.

And then all those lousy DC area drivers had better watch out!

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.



The Mistress of the Dark said...

My first actual car was an Olds Calais. Can't remember the year, but I had it and wrecked it sometime in 94 I think :(

Amanda said...

I love the idea of driving a tank. That would be soooo cool. You HAVE to get one.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Who would dare put a parking ticket on that?