Monday, October 13, 2008

Elephant Collars

Everyone enjoyed yesterday's post about elephant hunting so much that I figured, why not stick with success?

You may have noticed this article on CNN late yesterday: Texts from Elephant Warn Rangers of Trouble. My first mental image on seeing this headline was of a member of the elephant Neighborhood Watch peering from behind a tree, using his enormous thumbs to frantically tap out a warning message about poachers on his Blackberry (or whatever similar device elephants might use - a Blackbreadfruit? a Blackseedpod?). But no, the story is actually about a high-tech collar which combines cellular and GPS technology to send a message to Kenyan rangers when a problem elephant is about to stray into someone's farm for a seems that many elephants are killed each year by angry farmers who object to the beasts' view of their farms as a free salad bar. When the rangers receive the message, they quickly drive to the elephant's location and use lights and noise to scare him back to his protected preserve.


I wonder how much it would cost to equip all the $#&@! deer in my neighborhood with those collars so I can summon help to keep them out of my garden?

There may be other uses for these collars, too, if we can just master the technology.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could equip presidential candidates with a collar that would automatically send a warning when they stray too far from the truth in their wild accusations against each other?

How about a collar for investment brokers that would broadcast alerts when they invented some new, complicated, opaque and utterly worthless "investment vehicle" that has no value other than their immediate enrichment?

Or a collar that monitors the wearer for outrageous offenses against logic and common sense, and broadcasts a signal that could warn most of us, but be conveniently ignored by those who believe such balderdash without thinking critically on their own?

When I finally win the lottery, I think I'll hire some 800-pound brains to start working on developing those collars. The possibilities are endless.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.



Amanda said...

Don't forget to develop a collar for little two year olds as well. Just a simple one that will warn when they are about to change from cute little angle to monster child. Then maybe parents could do preventive time outs or something like that.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

If that collar would zap the candidates they'd be dead within minutes for all the lies they tell!

KKTSews said...

Ahh...if you're going to do a toddler version, you must also do a teenager version. The problem would be figuring out all the various scenarios when they can get themselves in trouble!

Blog Stalker said...

Loved this post! I too can think of many uses and variations for your collar. Good luck winning the lottery.

Have a great day!

Mike said...

Every age could have their own collar. The old people collar would explode if they complained about kids walking on their grass.

fiona said...

An "eejit" collar would cover most of your needs!

lacegem said...

While we're at it, why don't we include a collar for bad drivers, irresponsible & lazy pet owners, clue less individuals that just take up space in this world or people that just don't care or what's worse are those who think highly of themselves!!! Like you said the possibilities are endless.