Thursday, April 21, 2011

Of Baseball and Religious Beliefs

Although I've never been especially fond of either organized religion or baseball, the combination of the two can reveal some essential truths. I've seen this clever piece in a number of places before, most recently on Miss Cellania's wonderful website, and I reproduce it here (with my own additions and edits) for your enlightenment ...

Calvinists believe the game is fixed.

Lutherans believe they can't win, but trust the Scorekeeper.

Quakers won't swing.

Unitarians can catch anything.

Amish walk a lot.

Pagans sacrifice.

Jehovah's Witnesses are thrown out often.

Scientologists play injured.

Televangelists often get caught stealing.

Episcopalians pass the plate.

Methodists want to rewrite the rules.

Evangelicals make effective pitches.

Fundamentalists balk.

Hindus refuse to kill the umpire, because he might be a relative.

Muslims will play the game, but only in accordance with the original, perfect, and unerring set of rules handed down by Abner Doubleday.

Twelver Shia Muslims don't think the game can be played because the Umpire is in hiding.

Mormons are in left field.

Dunkers are down by three.

Adventists have a seventh-inning stretch.

Atheists refuse to have an Umpire.

Jews are still waiting for the Umpire.

Catholics believe there's only one Umpire, but He covers all three bases.

Baptists want to play hardball.

Premillenialists expect the game to be called soon on account of darkness.

Rastafarians will only play on grass.

The Pope claims never to have committed an error.

And, because some people take their politics as seriously as their religion ...

Democrats want to make sure the blessings are equally distributed.

Republicans believe in cutting sins, rather than observing new commandments.

Have a good day. Worship at the church/synagogue/temple/mosque/forest/circle of stones of your choice ... and let everyone else worship at theirs.

More thoughts tomorrow.



Amanda said...

Thats an interesting marriage : religion/sports.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Tee hee!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Good thoughts there!

Mike said...

'and let everyone else worship at theirs'

Now you've gone and pissed EVERYONE off.

Serena said...

I absoloutely LOVE this post! It just ... makes sense.:)

KathyA said...

And AMEN to that!!