Tuesday, March 20, 2012

What the Teacher Meant to Say ...

I've written often enough in this space about the sad state of American education, and the lack of respect we show both for education in general and the hard-working teachers we rely upon to pack knowledge into our children's heads. The anti-intellectualism of people in this country - especially on the far right - is shocking, and bodes ill for the future.

Teachers are tremendously important to our children and, thus, to our future. Unfortunately, because Little Johnny/Jane is a perfect creature incapable of doing wrong, teachers can't always tell parents what they really need to know. Here are a few examples of the sorts of things teachers say during those parent-teacher conferences ... and what they would say if they weren't afraid of being sued ...

Your son has a remarkable ability to gather needed information from his classmates.
He was caught cheating on a test.

Karen is an endless fund of energy and viability.
The hyperactive monster can't sit still for five minutes.

Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction.
He's definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met ... the kid's got a brilliant future in politics.

Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicating that high expectations don't intimidate her.
She hasn't turned in a single assignment all term.

Her athletic ability is marvelous, and she exhibits superior hand-eye coordination.
The little creep stung me with a rubber band from 15 feet away.

Nick thrives on interaction with his peers.
Your son needs to stop socializing and start working.

Your daughter's greatest asset is her demonstrative public discussions.
Classroom lawyer! Why is it that every time I explain an assignment she creates a class argument?

Johnny enjoys the thrill of engaging challenges with his peers.
He's a bully.

An adventurous nature lover who rarely misses opportunities to explore new territory.
Your daughter was caught skipping school at the fishing pond.

Unlike some students who hide their emotions, Charles is very expressive and open.
He must have written Whining for Dummies.

I firmly believe that her intellectual and emotional progress would be enhanced through a year's repetition of her learning environment.
Regretfully, we believe that she is not ready for high school and must repeat the 8th grade.

Her exuberant verbosity is awesome!
Does this child ever shut up?

Teachers. What would we do without them?

Have a good first day of spring ... more thoughts tomorrow.



Amanda said...

LOL! I'm always complaining that the teachers never say anything bad. I feel as if they are bubble wrapping ME!

eViL pOp TaRt said...

A teacher should be tactful. Some go too far. Grest examples of how to dispense bad news in tolerable dosages.

katiek said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pep said...

Much worse things have crossed my mind to say.....but it's usually about the PARENTS.

allenwoodhaven said...

Unfortunately, when this happens the parents don't hear what they need to know about their children.

There's a quote I like: It's not communication when one talks, it's communication when one is understood.

Perhaps schools could put out a handy guide, like this one, for parents to translate. The parents who can handle the truth would probably be the ones to take the time touse it.

The Bastard King of England said...

Unfortunately, some parents are very complicit in being told the truth about their childrens' actions.

Mike said...

I'm glad all this stuff is far behind me.

Duckbutt said...

Parents whose children are a pain in the ass are generally not surprised at that information.