Friday, August 16, 2013

Area 51

You know all about the famous Area 51, don't you? The place where the government is storing the wrecked UFOs and where the autopsies were conducted on the corpses of the alien beings who flew them. Area 51 has figured prominently in films like Independence Day and Area 51 (oddly enough), and in the general popular culture as the avatar for ultrasecret government facilities. Area 51 is said to be so secret that it doesn't appear on maps and its very existence is officially denied*.

Until now.

In response to a Freedom of Information Act request filed by National Security Archives researcher Jeffrey Richelson, the CIA has released a declassified map which actually shows the famous Area 51, located about 150 miles northwest of Las Vegas, Nevada ...

Well, now we know it's really there. So what's really there?

What would you expect to find stored in a super-top-secret government facility located in the trackless wastes of the Mojave desert? Does it look like the secret warehouse from Raiders of the Lost Ark ... ?

Forget the Ark of the Covenant, wrecked UFOs, and alien corpses. Here are a few of the things I think are really stored at Area 51:

- Jimmy Hoffa.

- Brains and hearts the GOP isn't using.

- Brains the Democrats aren't using.

- Common sense and civility Congress isn't using.

- The person who really shot JR.

- Iraq's WMD.

- Bigfoot.

How about you, Dear Readers? What do you think is stored at Area 51, and what is it really being used for? Put on those tinfoil hats and let ol' Bilbo know what you think.

Because, as they used to say on The X-Files, the truth is out there.

Ignored, but out there.

Have a good day. See you tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday.


* Sort of like climate change, at least in some quarters.


eViL pOp TaRt said...

Millions of misplaced socks, underwear, and my old high school yearbook.

Mike said...

With typical government speed and efficiency they release a map requested in 2005 that has far less information than google maps does.

Sinner Bob said...

That is where the stuff goes that they couldn't sell in the Scottsboro airline salvage market.

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

But can we handle the truth?

Duckbutt said...

You can find old tubes of Preparations A through G buried there.