Thursday, October 03, 2013

Funding the Government

Well, Dear Readers, the needless government shutdown is now in its third day. A running poll conducted by the Washington Post has the average opinion on its length at 19 days as of this morning. That's 19 days of needless damage to the economy and shameful treatment of dedicated government employees who are furloughed without guarantee of receiving back pay (Congress, of course, will continue to be paid for doing nothing).

Because the current fiasco is likely to go on for quite some time, I thought it might be a good idea to consider some alternative sources of funding to keep the government running. Here are a few ideas:

1. Get some of the essential personnel of the National Park Service to cut the statue of Abraham Lincoln out of his chair in the Lincoln Memorial and search the chair cushion for loose change. On a chair that size, there could be millions of dollars worth of coins covered in dust, lint, and sticky pieces of candy.

2. President Obama could call up the presidents of other countries and ask if they have two tens for a five. Repeat as often as it works.

3. Erect a giant, airtight bag around the Capitol Building, trap the hot air, and use it as a source of free heating for government buildings unable to pay their heating bills.

4. Members of Congress could sell boxes of Krispy Kreme donuts at Metro stations and shopping malls around the DC area. It works for high school bands and other groups who do fundraising.

5. In lieu of airshows which have been cancelled, the Air Force could assign a single aircraft to each major US city to fly in circles towing banners asking for donations.

6. Hire underemployed Nigerian Internet scammers to send messages to random Americans telling them they have been selected to hold billions of dollars of Nigerian funds in escrow if they pay a large amount up front as a sign of good faith.

Those are a few of my ideas. Do you have any? Leave a comment.

Have a good day. Remember this fiasco at the next election.

More thoughts tomorrow.



eViL pOp TaRt said...

Discontinuing paying Congress as well?

Having Obama asking for two tens for a five might help. Or selling off a state or two.

Fitting cartoon.

Duckbutt said...

Maybe Congress should act like adults for a change. And, after funding the government, doing away with their perks. live like the rest of us proles.

Mike said...

Call up the Queen and have her fire all of them.

Big Sky Heidi said...

Queen Lafitah?